If bedtime has become something you dread, you are not alone! One of the most common struggles parents experience is bedtime drama. Whether your child is crying, stalling, or popping in and out of bed like a jack in the box, these tips will help your family start enjoying bedtime again!
#1 Tank them Up During the Day
It is tempting when your child fights bedtime to experiment by withholding naps or cutting them short in the hope of lessening the struggle. In most cases sending a child to bed tired backfires and exacerbates the problem or leads to an easy bedtime but frequent night waking. There are of course exceptions but, most often, filling up their daytime sleep “tank” with plenty of daytime sleep will lead to a more peaceful night.
#2 Role Play
For children who are old enough for pretend play it can be very empowering to rehearse bedtime when it isn’t actually time to say goodnight and separate. During playtime, help your child to act out the bedtime scenario with their favorite stuffed animal, having them practice what we do (and don’t do!) at bedtime. You can also tuck your child in to practice and then reverse roles.
#3 Spend Time in the Room and Crib When Awake
Many babies and children spend so little time in their room or crib outside of separating for sleep that they can begin to have a negative association with the space. To ensure a positive and cozy association, be sure to spend some time each day playing in the room and crib. Playing peek-a-boo in the crib railings, flying in and out of the crib like an airplane, and board games or a tea party on the floor are all great places to start.
#4 Put the House to Sleep
Transitions are hard for many little ones and it is tough to wind down at the end of the day. To help your child’s body and brain prepare to shift from playtime to sleepyland, start winding the house down about an hour before bedtime. Dim the lights and draw the blinds, end screen time, and slow down the activity level.
#5 Watch the Timing
Bedtime struggles are more likely when a child is overtired. Overtiredness can easily occur when bedtime is too late on the clock or when the awake period from the end of the last nap to the start of bedtime is too long. Aim to start the bedtime routine right at or even a bit before your child is showing signs of tiredness so you can prevent the second wind that occurs by missing that ideal sleep “window”. Babies and children often need to be asleep much earlier than we think and shifting bedtime earlier in increments can help you arrive at that magic spot where they can go down and stay down most easily.
#6 Check the Environment
Sleep can be hard to come by if the environment is too hot, cold, noisy or bright. Create a sleep “cave” that is cool, dark, and quiet. Use blackout curtains to block the sun in the early evening and morning and white noise to mask siblings and the neighborhood. Be sure your child isn’t over bundled and that the room temperature is not above 65-70 degrees.
#7 Offer a Comfort Item
Ease separation anxiety at bedtime by offering your child a transitional object to turn to for comfort. For babies, a small and breathable “lovey” square with stuffed animal head can be perfect to snuggle and suck on while drifting off. (Be sure to check with your pediatrician to see when it is safe to introduce one to your baby, especially if they are under one year of age.) You can encourage an attachment by including the lovey in the feeding process and bedtime routine and placing it with baby in the crib. For older children they may find comfort in holding a well-worn shirt of Mom or Dad’s or lining up some action figures to guard them while they sleep.
#8 Have a Predictable and Consistent Routine
The best way to eliminate stalling and anxiety is to create a consistent and predictable bedtime routine that is the same from night to night and person to person. This way your child knows what to expect and when the routine will be wrapping up. Set limits on how many books, songs, bathroom trips and chit-chat minutes you will allow and stick to those limits every night.
#9 Institute a Last Call
For older children who like to ask for one more this and one more that, institute a last call before you leave the room. You might say, “Okay this is the last call for the potty/water/questions, etc.” Try to anticipate those things your child will want more of and give them one last opportunity to get them. After the last call be very consistent with not giving in to requests for “one more”. Or try offering 1-3 tickets and each time you honor a request, they turn one in. When the tickets have been used, one more’s are all done for that night.
#10 Respond the Same Way Every Time
If your child continues to struggle at bedtime with all of the above in place, don’t despair. Remember that they are like little scientists, learning about the world by conducting experiments to see what might happen next. Regardless of whether you choose to stay with your child, return at intervals, or leave them to fall asleep on their own, give them the same response every time they are having a hard time. Consistency is more important than approach so pick one and stick with it long enough for your little one to catch on.
With a few simple tweaks to your evening routine, your family can look forward to peaceful bedtimes. If you need support to get there, reach out to learn more about how we can help.