Confident Parenting Blog

5 Do's and Dont's for Smoother Potty Training

4 Surprising Reasons Your Child Isn’t Progressing With Potty-Training

4 Easy Ways to Spring Baby's Sleep Forward for Daylight Saving

Wed, 26 Feb 2025 02:55:53 GMT

Our Team Lays Out 4 Easy Ways to Spring Baby's Sleep Forward When the Clocks Change...

While springing forward is not quite as disruptive as falling back on the clock, it can leave your little ones feeling “off” for a few days. Don’t panic! Even the most sensitive children can adjust.

Her e are some tips to help your family prepare and adjust to any time change:

An overtired child has a harder time adjusting and coping with any change. Make a special effort in the days approaching the time shift to ensure that your child gets adequate sleep .

When the clocks change in either direction, be sure to head outside with your baby first thing in the morning or at least open the curtains and let in the natural light. Early morning exposure to natural light helps to set/reset your child’s internal clock and adjust to the change. Aim for 30 minutes of sunlight each morning for about a week following the change. Also be sure to “put the house to sleep” by dimming lights and activity about 30-60 minutes before the goal sleep time to prepare their brain and body to fall asleep earlier.

There are a few ways to approach springing forward. You can decide which to use based on how the current schedule is working for you and on your child’s level of sensitivity to differences in timing.

Option 1: Do Nothing (Great for Early Risers!...And Very Young Babies)

If your older baby or child is waking too early and this is leading to a schedule that is less than ideal, this is the time change for you! You can use the later morning wake time to shift nap(s) and bedtime to the later timing you’ve always wanted.

For example if the schedule prior to the time change was wake at 5:30 am, nap at 11:30 am, and bedtime at 6:30 pm, it would now look like wake at 6:30 am, nap at 12:30 pm and bedtime at 7:30 pm. The span of awake times between sleep remains the same so your child won't likely notice the difference. Voila!

For young babies who are not yet on a set clock schedule (under 4-6 months of age) and, instead, need to sleep every 60, 75 or 90 minutes, simply follow that pattern and act as if nothing has changed.

Option 2: Jump to the New Clock (Ideal for Adaptable Kiddos)

If the current schedule is working for you and your child, your goal is to get back to those clock times – but on the new clock- as quickly as possible. This requires waking your child at their typical wake time on Sunday morning and offering meals, naps, routines and bedtime at the same times on the new clock as you were before. Keep in mind, however, that everything will feel a full hour earlier to your child (because it is!) so there is a potential for a bit of a struggle falling asleep.

For example, if bedtime is usually 7 pm you would put baby down at 7 pm on the new clock but it may feel like 6 pm to them. As a result, they may not fall asleep as quickly or easily. You may need to be a bit more flexible and offer some extra support at bedtime but with this method they should adjust rather quickly – typically within a few days to a week.

Be choosy about how much support you offer (if any) and how long you offer it. Meaning, avoid old habits that have been eliminated such as fully assisting to sleep in favor of lesser interventions such as checking on baby briefly at intervals. If you know your child is prone to unpleasant behaviors when they are under tired (i.e. coming out of bed a bajillion times at bedtime!) you may want to consider shifting their schedule in advance.

Option 3: Prepare 4 or More Days in Advance (Ideal for Very Sensitive Kiddos, Not Usually Necessary)

If your baby tends to be more sensitive to shifts in timing, you may want to prepare for the change by gradually shifting their schedule in advance. This approach spreads the hour difference over at least four days which, in our experience is not usually necessary for the spring change.

For example, starting on Thursday morning wake baby 15 minutes earlier than usual* to start the day. Then offer meals, naps, and bedtime 15 minutes earlier as well. On Friday wake baby 15 minutes earlier than you did on Thursday (30 minutes earlier than usual) and repeat this process on Saturday and Sunday.

For a baby who generally sleeps from 7:30 pm-7 am and naps at 9am and 1pm, for example, you would wake at 6:45 on Thursday morning, move naps earlier to 8:45 and 12:45 and put them to bed at 7:15. Then on Friday wake them at 6:30 and put them to bed at 7:00. On Saturday wake them at 6:15 and put them to bed at 6:45. By Sunday when you wake them at 6 am it will read 7 am on the new clock and you will be back to their usual clock schedule, without it feeling a full hour early.

Wednesday: Wake 7:00am, Naps 9:00am & 1:00pm, Bedtime 7:30pm

Thursday: Wake 6:45am, Naps 8:45am & 12:45pm, Bedtime 7:15pm

Friday: Wake 6:30am, Naps 8:30am & 12:30pm, Bedtime 7:00pm

Saturday: Wake 6:15am, Naps 8:15am & 12:15pm, Bedtime 6:45pm

Sunday: Wake 7:00am (on the new clock), Naps 9:00am & 1:00pm (on the new clock), Bedtime 7:30pm (on the new clock)

If you are unable to shift the schedule in advance, or want to spread it over two days rather than four, use the split the difference option.

Option 4: Split the Difference (The Most Realistic Option for Many)

If all that advanced shifting and waking seems unnecessary or feels too complicated but a one hour jump feels like too much, then you may fall into the camp of splitting the difference and taking just two days to catch up to the new clock. For example, let's say baby usually wakes at 7am, naps at 9am & 1pm and goes to bed at 7:30pm. To spread the hour change over just two days, wake them at 7:30am on Sunday and put them down for their nap 30 minutes later than usual* at 9:30. They will be only 30 minutes under tired rather than the full 60. Do the same with all other meals and sleep periods throughout the day. Then the following day shift 30 minutes more so everything is happening at their typical times on the new clock. Or, for a non-napping child whose bedtime is 8 pm, you could put them down at 8:30 which will feel like 7:30 to them. Then the following day, shift 30 minutes again landing back at an 8 pm bedtime on the new clock.

Sunday: Wake 7:30am, Naps 9:30am & 1:30pm, Bedtime 8:00pm

Monday: Wake 7:00am, Naps 9:00am & 1:00pm, Bedtime 7:30pm

Regardless of your approach, be prepared that the days and nights will feel a little strange to your baby who can’t really understand what is going on. Don’t stress if your child doesn’t adjust quickly. While most adjust within a few days, some can take a few weeks to fully adjust!

And remember that springing forward can mean daylight at bedtime and much earlier in the morning which can interfere with your child’s ability to fall or stay asleep. Don’t fall into the trap of shifting bedtime later waiting for it to grow dark or of letting baby start the day as soon as the sun comes up. Instead, consider purchasing room darkening shades or blackout curtains to keep your little one on track.

If all else fails remember that Spring is coming. Sunshine and fresh air make parenting feel SO much better :) Need support for this or any sleep struggle? Our team is here to help!

*It is important to note that, if you are shifting the schedule in advance of this change, you are shifting the schedule incrementally earlier. However, if you are shifting after the clocks have already changed, you are shifting incrementally later.

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Meet the Sleep & Potty Team!...

The #1 Reason Your Baby is Fighting Sleep

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 16:44:13 GMT

Is your baby clearly tired but fighting sleep? You may be running into this very common sleep trap...

One of the most common reasons parents reach out for sleep support is a baby, or child, who is clearly tired but just fights sleep with everything they have, for as long as they can. If you're battling this right now, we'll explain the most common cause and the solution...

Do You Have a "Tricky" Baby?

Think about how you would describe your little person if you were introducing them. Do words like "easy-going", "go with the flow", "happy", "alert", "social", "has fear of missing out" come to mind? If so, you likely have what we refer to as a tricky baby. Most parents decide it is time for baby to sleep based on cues we are seeing such as eye rubbing, ear pulling, crankiness, etc. While some babies show those cues on the early side of tired, where it is helpful, tricky babies tend to hide their sleepy cues for as long as they can. It's as if they say:

"I'm feeling tired but I'm so easy going, I won't make a big fuss about it." Or:

"I'm feeling tired but I don't want to miss anything so I'll try to power through."

Unfortunately, these babies mask their tired cues until they can't anymore. Other tricky babies show cues unreliably - loud and clear sometimes but other times not at all. Which means that, by the time we notice them (if at all), they are already too tired for sleep to go smoothly.

How Overtiredness Works Against You

So why does that matter? There is a rhythm to sleep and if we are trying to get our baby down "off" of that rhythm, the result will not be smooth. Babies rhythm is dictated somewhat by the clock (certain clock times and ranges yield a smoother result than others) but also by sleep drive or pressure. Meaning, baby needs enough awake time to build up to be able to fall asleep again. Too much sleep pressure however, sends the body quickly into overdrive, often resulting in baby getting a hormonal "second wind".

If, for example, your tricky baby feels tired but tries to power through and you attempt to get them to sleep 30 minutes past that sweet spot, they may already be on a hormone high. Hence you might notice eye rubbing, etc. combined with an inability to wind down and drift off. This might feel like putting an energy drink in their bottle and then trying to put them down for sleep.

How to Get Ahead of the Second Wind

What is a parent to do when sleep is a struggle and you suspect you have a tricky baby? It may help to stop relying so heavily (or at all) on your baby's cues and mainly on the clock. As annoying as it is, you may need to take notes for a while, noticing how long baby was awake before you started the sleep process and how that played out. You are essentially trying to board the train before it leaves the station, getting ahead of that hormonal second wind. Knowing now that a struggle means you may have missed the mark, take note of that and aim to start the process 10-15 minutes sooner in that spot tomorrow.

Keep shaving small amounts of time off the elapsed wake time/clock time until you find sweet spots for each spot that make sleep far easier to come by. Much like being just a few minutes late for a train, we might be talking about very small distinctions in timing that can make or break your results. For example, you might find that heading into the nursery and starting your 4 month old's nap process by the 90 minute or even 75 mark is far smoother than heading up at/after the 2 hour mark.

This experimentation might mean you are heading up to start the sleep process when your baby is looking and acting totally fine and not tired at all. That's okay! It may feel "wrong" or even scary but just trust me and try it, at least for comparison. If the result is smoother, you know you have a tricky baby who was making this whole sleep thing harder than it needed to be. If so, you can stop waiting and watching for those elusive sleep cues and, instead, follow the clock times and elapsed wake time you land on through trial and error.

Not up for all that experimentation on your own? Can't seem to find those sweet spots? No worries. Our sleep team is here to work with you on a day to day basis to figure that out. Plus we can help uncover additional reasons sleep may be hard to come by and address those too. Reach out to learn more about working together or schedule a discovery call.

Things We Love... Cozy Critters Podcast

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 01:50:59 GMT

Bernadette shares a new favorite!

We often recommend sleep stories or soothing music or sounds to help children settle in bed for the night, or for a “replacement” voice when we are trying to foster more independent sleep. I recently discovered Cozy Critters. From a mom and sleep consultant’s perspective, I love love love this podcast!! It’s too good not to share. My kids can't wait to get into bed and hear about the next animal. This has been incredibly helpful when trying to keep the bedtime routine moving. If you ask me this one is ✨ A Must-Try for Bedtime! ✨

Each episode explores a different animal with fun facts, a gentle storytelling style, and a cat co-host named Miss Meow Meow (adorable, right?). Your child helps blow up a magical hot air balloon with deep breaths (a great relaxation tool!) and floats off to the animal’s habitat. The episodes are just 10-15 minutes—perfect for listening to one together and maybe another as they drift off on their own.

Bonus: Cozy Critters also offers soothing nature soundscapes for kids who prefer less talking! And it’s even been featured by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and is rated for ages 2-7.

Trust me, your kids will look forward to bedtime with this one! Have you tried it yet? Let us know what your little ones think! ��✨

Learn more about Cozy Critters Podcast Here!

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Do Lights And Screens Really Affect Bedtime?

10 Tips for a Smooth Bedtime

Sun, 19 Jan 2025 23:35:35 GMT

10 Tips for a Smooth Bedtime

If bedtime has become something you dread, you are not alone! One of the most common struggles parents experience is bedtime drama. Whether your child is crying, stalling, or popping in and out of bed like a jack in the box, these tips will help your family start enjoying bedtime again!

#1 Tank them Up During the Day It is tempting when your child fights bedtime to experiment by withholding naps or cutting them short in the hope of lessening the struggle. In most cases sending a child to bed tired backfires and exacerbates the problem or leads to an easy bedtime but frequent night waking. There are of course exceptions but, most often, filling up their daytime sleep “tank” with plenty of daytime sleep will lead to a more peaceful night.

#2 Role Play For children who are old enough for pretend play it can be very empowering to rehearse bedtime when it isn’t actually time to say goodnight and separate. During playtime, help your child to act out the bedtime scenario with their favorite stuffed animal, having them practice what we do (and don’t do!) at bedtime. You can also tuck your child in to practice and then reverse roles.

#3 Spend Time in the Room and Crib When Awake Many babies and children spend so little time in their room or crib outside of separating for sleep that they can begin to have a negative association with the space. To ensure a positive and cozy association, be sure to spend some time each day playing in the room and crib. Playing peek-a-boo in the crib railings, flying in and out of the crib like an airplane, and board games or a tea party on the floor are all great places to start.

#4 Put the House to Sleep Transitions are hard for many little ones and it is tough to wind down at the end of the day. To help your child’s body and brain prepare to shift from playtime to sleepyland, start winding the house down about an hour before bedtime. Dim the lights and draw the blinds, end screen time, and slow down the activity level.

#5 Watch the Timing Bedtime struggles are more likely when a child is overtired. Overtiredness can easily occur when bedtime is too late on the clock or when the awake period from the end of the last nap to the start of bedtime is too long. Aim to start the bedtime routine right at or even a bit before your child is showing signs of tiredness so you can prevent the second wind that occurs by missing that ideal sleep “window”. Babies and children often need to be asleep much earlier than we think and shifting bedtime earlier in increments can help you arrive at that magic spot where they can go down and stay down most easily.

#6 Check the Environment Sleep can be hard to come by if the environment is too hot, cold, noisy or bright. Create a sleep “cave” that is cool, dark, and quiet. Use blackout curtains to block the sun in the early evening and morning and white noise to mask siblings and the neighborhood. Be sure your child isn’t over bundled and that the room temperature is not above 65-70 degrees.

#7 Offer a Comfort Item Ease separation anxiety at bedtime by offering your child a transitional object to turn to for comfort. For babies, a small and breathable “lovey” square with stuffed animal head can be perfect to snuggle and suck on while drifting off. (Be sure to check with your pediatrician to see when it is safe to introduce one to your baby, especially if they are under one year of age.) You can encourage an attachment by including the lovey in the feeding process and bedtime routine and placing it with baby in the crib. For older children they may find comfort in holding a well-worn shirt of Mom or Dad’s or lining up some action figures to guard them while they sleep.

#8 Have a Predictable and Consistent Routine The best way to eliminate stalling and anxiety is to create a consistent and predictable bedtime routine that is the same from night to night and person to person. This way your child knows what to expect and when the routine will be wrapping up. Set limits on how many books, songs, bathroom trips and chit-chat minutes you will allow and stick to those limits every night.

#9 Institute a Last Call For older children who like to ask for one more this and one more that, institute a last call before you leave the room. You might say, “Okay this is the last call for the potty/water/questions, etc.” Try to anticipate those things your child will want more of and give them one last opportunity to get them. After the last call be very consistent with not giving in to requests for “one more”. Or try offering 1-3 tickets and each time you honor a request, they turn one in. When the tickets have been used, one more’s are all done for that night.

#10 Respond the Same Way Every Time If your child continues to struggle at bedtime with all of the above in place, don’t despair. Remember that they are like little scientists, learning about the world by conducting experiments to see what might happen next. Regardless of whether you choose to stay with your child, return at intervals, or leave them to fall asleep on their own, give them the same response every time they are having a hard time. Consistency is more important than approach so pick one and stick with it long enough for your little one to catch on.

With a few simple tweaks to your evening routine, your family can look forward to peaceful bedtimes. If you need support to get there, reach out to learn more about how we can help.

2025 Goals?...

Thu, 16 Jan 2025 15:19:00 GMT

Have you set goals for this year ?
The Confident Parenting Village can help you achieve your 2025 goals

It’s January and it’s officially 2025 (actually it’s been 2025 for 15 entire days already). This month and time of year often brings a lot of discussion surrounding resolutions and big changes for the upcoming year. Last year my family set a family goal and it was great for us. Our 2024 family goal was that we would visit 24 new playgrounds in 2024. I was inspired by other families doing the 1000 hours outside challenge, but with our life and the climate I was hesitant to commit to 1000 hours outside. 24 new playgrounds felt ambitious but achievable and it still encouraged us to get outside more and as an added bonus was a free activity! We achieved our goal. I was very proud of us and immediately started thinking about what our family goal and my personal goals for this year should be.

We wanted something that would still encourage us to be outside and try new things. So this year we intend to visit 25 state parks. (We managed to visit 2 so far.) Now that we have set and accomplished one family goal, I am excited and optimistic for this one.

I also wanted to add in some personal goals for myself. I have a list of some different things I would like to work on this year, but the biggest of those is adding to our savings and taking some time for myself. Time for myself, feels like a little bit of an easy goal to set. I want to read more and this is something I can do for myself. I set a small goal of reading 10 books this year and have downloaded the goodreads app to help me keep track of that. Adding money to savings feels more daunting but I can do it! Again I have been inspired by seeing others take on No buy 2025 or shopping ban challenges. I thought of some ways I can keep my spending in check, for example no more Doordash or only doing drive up for a Target order so I don’t have to go inside the store. I am going to work on one of those small goals each month to work on saving more money.

We would love to hear what your 2025 goals are! Do you have parenting goals, personal goals, financial goals, family goals etc.?

Confident Parenting has a wonderful village of partners who are here to help families with many different challenges and some of them could be an excellent resource for your 2025 goals. Check them out!

Goals: Ditch diapers completely, get sleep on track or get help behavioral support- Confident Parenting

Goals: Declutter/organize or stay on top of the never ending chore that is the laundry- Lessen The Loads

Goals: Manage parenting challenges- Maria Sanders Parent Coach

Goals: Deal with mealtime challenges- Toddlers and Tomatoes

Goals: Personal Fitness and or /Pelvic floor fitness- KatFit and Restore The Floor Physical Therapy & Pelvic Health

Goals: Personal/Mental Health- Wholeheart Reproductive Mental Health

Goals: Eat home cooked meals/make weeknight dinner less hectic- Home Cooked

Goals: Prepare your home for a baby on the move- Safer Babies

Goals: Learn! Find resources for any parenting question/scenario- Main Line Family Education

Goals: Find a great speech, physical or occupational therapist for your child- Talk, Eat, Play Grow and Play At Home Physical and Occupational Therapy

Need support to achieve your families 2025 goals? Our team would be happy to chat about how we can help!

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Tips To Reset After The Holidays

Tips to Reset After The Holidays

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 19:10:34 GMT

Are You Stuck In A Post Holiday Fog?

As I am typing this it is January 3rd. Welcome to the new year! We are planning to start our homeschool schedule again on Monday, and I am feeling like I am coming up for air after drowning in the holidays. The lack of our consistent daily schedule combined with extra holiday to-dos and a diet of holiday treats has left me feeling very foggy. I often feel like this after the holidays, so I know what I’m going to do over the next few days to give myself the breath that I need and to prepare to return to our regular life. Here are my tips for a post holiday reset.

1. Reset Your Space

A favorite author/content creator K.C. Davis has a book called “How To Keep House While Drowning” . I highly recommend it. From the tips in this book, I have learned to reset my space as a kindness for myself. I use a visual timer and set 20-30 minutes (or 5 minutes if I’m feeling really bleh) and race the clock to get as much as I can done. For me this looks like returning toys to their bins, putting laundry in the hamper, dishes in the dishwasher etc. I am not deep cleaning anything, but rather just returning everything to its “home”. Post holidays, there are likely new toys in your space, so you will need to find those things homes. I did a Target drive up order for 2 new bins the day after Christmas even though I did my very very best to limit the new toys coming in. I’m convinced this is an un-winnable battle that goes on forever, but I try nevertheless.

2. Visual Schedule For Children

We like to use visuals in my home. During the holiday we fall off of the bandwagon a bit, but today we will return to making sure the schedule is correct and up to date. Be cautious not to overpack your schedule this week. Return to your normal activities and be kind and patient with yourself.

3. Check Your Calendar For The Week

Whatever calendar you use, check it and make sure you 100% know what’s on it for the week. Is it missing anything? Is there something on there that’s not correct? We are heading back into real life so we want to make sure your organizational tools are up to date. I have an appointment on my schedule for this week that had been entered incorrectly, but I managed to catch that this morning with this check in.

4. Groceries/A Plan To Eat Meals

I have been surviving on holiday snacks and treats for a week. I did a grocery order and planned out our meals for the week. If you struggle with this area check out our friends at HomeCooked .

5. Laundry!

I haven't touched the laundry since before Christmas, which is not a great move in a house with little humans. I am working to get the laundry mountain taken care of today. If this is an area where you struggle, you can check out our friends Lessen The Loads !

5. Practice Self Care (Whatever That Means For You)

In order to return to real life, you need to be kind to yourself. For me this looks like a walk outside with an audiobook. Whatever that looks for you, try to make some time for yourself, especially this week.

Will I accomplish every single one of those goals to the extent that I would like to, probably not. However, having a plan and goals will help me to jump back into the swing of things and find the breath of air that I need.

Protecting Sleep through the Holiday Season

Thu, 05 Dec 2024 21:30:59 GMT

The holidays give us much to look forward to but smooth sleep isn't always one of them. Take steps to maintain your family's sleep this holiday season with these tips...

Whatever the holidays will look like for you and yours this year, the festivities and excitement of the season have the potential to take a toll on your little one's sleep. Here are a few tips to keep in mind that can save just a small piece of your child’s slumber - and your sanity - this holiday season.

Go with the Flow

Most importantly, remember that the holidays are a time to connect with friends and family and enjoy yourselves! Trying to keep your child’s routines and schedule exactly the same will likely be an exercise in frustration. If your little one is flexible and not overly sensitive to over tiredness you may be able to throw caution to the wind and just get back on track later. That being said, more sensitive children have a harder time rolling with the punches and you are the one who has to deal with your overtired child when the guests leave and the fun ends! For that reason, feel free to whisk your kiddo away from the action at or close to their normal sleep times to protect their schedule.

"Sandwich" Crummy Sleep

You'll notice greater repercussions in your child's sleep and behavior if one crummy sleep period rolls into the next and so on. To avoid the accumulation of lost sleep and its effects, think of ways to "sandwich" crummy sleep periods between more ideal ones. For example, if Saturday will be very hectic in terms of timing or being out and about, aim to make Friday and Sunday calmer and more focused on sleep timing and location. Or, if the morning will be hectic, aim for the afternoon to be calmer or vice versa. The goal is to prevent a sleep debt that triggers a setback in habits or behavior.

Slow Down the Transition to Sleep

Let's face it...babies and children don't want to miss out on anything and sleep often represents missing out from their point of view. To avoid drama surrouding slowing down to sleep, you may need to enter their room to wind down sooner than usual so you can slow down the transition from festivites to going into the crib or bed. Aim for some quiet play time on the floor before launching into the standard sleep routine and/or read extra books and sing extra songs to give their little brains and bodies more time to wind down.

Plan Ahead

As much as possible try to ensure that your child is well napped before you leave home or aim to travel during nap so they can catch it in the car and arrive well rested. That way, if the remainder of the day doesn’t fall into place, they won’t be quite as overtired. (Hopefully!) If you are hosting guests, try to schedule their arrival after the first (or only) nap of the day. That nap typically is the most important one and will give your child a head start on the day.

Be Realistic About Sleep Improvements

If you are in the process of helping your baby or child learn a new way to sleep at home you may need to resign yourself to a holiday from that too. Since consistency, predictability and scheduling are key to improving sleep habits, you likely won’t have much success while all those elements are "off". If you are hosting guests you may be less willing and able to enforce the sleep “rules" with watchful eyes and ears around you. (I'm looking at you, Mother-in-Law!) Just be sure to get back to your regular routines, expectations and goals as soon as you get home and/or the guests leave.

Be Prepared

If you are traveling, be sure to bring pieces of home with you when packing. Pack your child's sleep sack, sound machine and lovey or favorite stuffed animal which can help ease the anxiety that often comes with sleeping in a new environment. If you will be using a pack and play you may want to do a few practice runs by having them sleep in it at home first so it isn’t a totally foreign space. If your child is sleeping in a bed consider bringing a portable bed rail. I’ve even gone so far as to pack black trash bags and tape to black out bright rooms for my light sensitive guy. You can’t really travel light with kids anyway so why not be prepared! You can find links to our favorite travel sleep products on our shopping page .

Catch Up When You Return

Yes, it is ideal to keep your child’s schedule on track but don’t feel forced to miss out on all the fun to make that happen. If you can jump back to an ideal schedule and house rules quickly once the festivities are over, it takes most little ones just a few days to adjust. Even when you CAN stick to the schedule travel, guests and excitement can leave your child overtired and cranky. When possible, try to make the first full day at home all about catching up on sleep and recovering.

Remember It's Temporary

If all else fails and your little one moves into full meltdown mode remember that this too shall pass. Your child won't forget how to sleep, no matter how you choose to handle things. They will simply need time to get back on track and you to resume your consistent approach to sleep to help that along. Need support to get sleep on track or back on track? Learn about our support options here...

- Happy Holidays from the Confident Parent Village!

4 Holiday Safety Dangers to Avoid

Sun, 01 Dec 2024 15:45:26 GMT

The babyproofers at Safer Babies share their tips for keeping your little ones safe this holiday season...

Safer Babies has you covered with this list of practical ways to keep your little ones safe while decking the halls & celebrating at home.

DECORATIONS

Make sure your holiday decorations include items your child CAN touch & feel.

Place any decoration that would not be safe if used as a toy out of reach of the child.

Never leave your child alone in a room with lit candles. Don't leave lit candles near air vents, open windows, or ceiling fans, or on tablecloths or runners where they can get pulled down. Even better, consider using flameless candles.

Keep holiday plants at a safer distance from young children & pets. Eating holly or mistletoe berries can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and drowsiness. If eaten in sufficient amounts, severe symptoms can occur. Watch out for berries that fall to the floor. Poinsettia and Christmas tree needles may cause mouth/throat irritation, stomach upset, or irritate the skin if handled by children. So keep poinsettias at safe distance from young children, and vacuum tree needles regularly.

Spray snow is safe when it is dry. But it is an aerosol that contains chemicals that can irritate the lungs, nose, and eyes if inhaled when spraying. Tip: Follow directions and spray in well-ventilated areas; don’t spray near children.

Consider placemats rather than tablecloths. Tablecloths can get pulled leaving the hot, breakable or flammable contents of the table to fall.

TREES

Use a wide-based stand & secure your tree to the ceiling or wall with fishing line + an eye-hook.

Consider using non-breakable ornaments. Plastic, cloth, paper, felt & ribbon decorations are great alternatives to fragile glass & ceramic.

If you choose breakable ornaments, put them only on the upper branches of the tree, & attach them securely with florist wire. Use non-breakable ornaments on the lower branches.

To prevent burns, use LED lights that stay cool.

Replace ornament hooks with string or ribbon or florist wire.

Do not put any chemical preservatives into the tree water. They might be toxic if your child ingests some of the water.

Avoid trimmings that resemble candy or food that may tempt a young child to eat them.

Do not use tinsel. It is easy to swallow and causes intestinal blockage. And it can wind around the baby's fingers, cutting off circulation. Also, certain brands contain lead.

If the above suggestions don't work: consider placing a play yard gate system around the tree during the hours your little one is awake.

Consider getting a tiny tabletop tree for your playroom, with kid-friendly ornaments, or hand made paper ornaments. Or use a paper or sticker material Christmas tree that can be affixed to the wall. Your child will have fun decorating and redecorating throughout the season and will love having one tree that is their domain

GIFT WRAP

Ribbons, gift wrap, packing material, and plastic wrapping pose choking, suffocation & fire dangers. Dispose of them as soon as they come off a gift.

Gift wrap may contain traces of lead. Prevent children from chewing on it.

TOY SAFETY

Select toys to suit the age, abilities, and interest level of the child. Recommended age ranges are listed on the packages. Toys that are too advanced may pose safety hazards for younger children.

Young children can choke on small parts contained in toys or games. Children under the age of 3 cannot have parts less than 1.25 inches in diameter and 2.25 inches long, per government regulations.

Button batteries and magnets can be found in toys, musical greeting cards, remote controls, hearing aids, and other small electronics. They pose danger to children and can result in serious stomach and intestinal problems, including death.

If a toy has a battery compartment that seems like it can be easily opened, you can tape over the area. If it still seems too accessible, consider keeping that toy away from your child until they are old enough to keep small items out of their mouth.

Small, powerful magnets are part of some building toy sets, many of which have been recalled.

Watch for strings and straps that are more than 12 inches in length, for example on pull toys. They could be a strangulation hazard for babies and small children.

And remember: Infants & young children feel stress at holiday time, just as parents do.

Take breaks! Play. Read a book. Cancel something! Sing. Dance! Cuddle. Enjoy.

Potty-Training Tips for the Holiday Season

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 13:58:17 GMT

Are You Concerned About Travel Plans with Your Potty Trained Little One This Holiday Season?

If you have a little human in your life, then you know that holiday plans and schedules can be a little bit complicated. How and when are we traveling? Is that going to create a nap problem or push bedtime too late? What food will be available? Should I pack snacks? What about toys? And if you have recently been working on potty-training, that throws another layer of complications and questions into the mix! So Here are 4 Tips for Holiday Events and Travel with your newly potty-trained kiddo!

1. Prepare For Accidents

If you would love for your kiddo to wear a cute holiday outfit that matches their cousins, I suggest waiting until you arrive at your destination and your child has used the potty to put it on. You’ll want to pack extra outfits and shoes. You don’t want to feel like you have to leave early because there was an accident and your kiddo needs a new set of clothes.

2. Go Potty Right Before You Get In The Car

To the absolute best of your abilities, you will want to have your kiddo go to the potty right before you get in the car. If you are not on a strict time schedule, you can just wait until they have a successful pee in the potty and then head to the car. If you need to leave at a specific time, you can use a when/then prompt. For example: When you put pee in the potty, then we will get in the car.”

3. Prepare For Public Bathrooms Or Have A Travel Potty

You’ll want to have a plan for potty stops on the way. That could look like stopping somewhere or having a travel potty in your car. As a mom to a 3 year old person, my preference is the potty in the car. We have been loving the One Done Portable Potty Cup. Check out our shopping page for our favorite travel potty products. If you are planning for public bathrooms, think about what could make that experience easier for your kiddo. Is your child sensitive to loud noises? Would it be possible to have noise canceling headphones for them or use hand sanitizer and skip the sinks and loud hand dryers?

4. Prepare For Going Potty In A New Place

When you arrive at a new place, even if it is a place your child has been to before, take them to go visit the bathroom. Just go see where it is and what it looks like here. You don’t need to put any pressure on them to use the potty during this first trip. It’s a fact finding mission. I also suggest bringing your little potty while traveling because that will allow your child to choose their comfortable and familiar potty and you won’t need to worry about what the potty set up looks like in this new environment.

Building a solid potty learning foundation will help make taking those potty skills on the go easier. If the potty has become a struggle in your household or if you would like to have a plan before you get started, book a 15-minute Discovery Call and speak with one of our consultants to learn more about our one-on-one potty support.

You might also be interested in:

* Protecting Sleep Through The Holiday Season * Holiday Safety Dangers to Avoid

Avoid These Top 4 Safety Hazards this Halloween

Tue, 22 Oct 2024 19:28:56 GMT

Our friends at Safer Babies want to help your family trick or treat safely with these tips...

Safer Babies has been keeping Philadelphia area families safe since 1999. With over 22,000 hours of childproofing experience, they know all too well the top reasons kids visit hospitals on Halloween and how to proactively avoid the trip!

#1 EYE INJURIES

Use soft, flexible props and weapons. Nothing sharp or rigid.

#2 BURNS

Make sure costumes, wigs and accessories are made of flame-resistant materials.

Consider pumpkin painting as a jack-o-lantern alternative.

Try a flameless candle or glow stick instead of a candle in jack-o-lanterns.

Keep candlelit jack-o-lanterns, and all other candles, away from curtains and other flammable objects.

Never leave candles unattended.

#3 FALLS

Avoid wearing long, baggy, loose, costumes or oversized shoes.

Use face paint instead of masks that can obstruct vision.

Make sure hats fit and will not slide down over the child's eyes.

Go only to well-lit houses.

Clear your own walkway of debris.

#4 PEDESTRIAN COLLISION WITH VEHICLES

A parent or responsible adult should always accompany young children.

Use flashlights, and reflective tape on bags and costumes to be more visible.

Cross only at corners.

Stay on the sidewalk.

If there's no sidewalk, walk facing traffic.

Don't cross between parked cars.

If you drive: drive extra slowly.

Have children get out of the car curbside, not street-side.

3 Tips For Halloween From A Sleep & Potty Consultant

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 21:33:29 GMT

3 Tips For Halloween From A Sleep & Potty Consultant

It’s Almost Halloween! There are already plenty of Trunk or Treats and Boo events taking place. As we approach the end of the month and the big trick or treat nights here are some things to consider from a sleep and potty-training perspective.

1. Sleep

Remember that nights like this are few and far between and that it is ok to have a night that is out of your schedule. However, being prepared with a strategy to help you get back on track as quickly as possible will make this less disruptive. If you have had to work on sleep struggles before, you may need to return to the strategy that worked for a few nights after your “wacky” night.

Potty-Training & Costumes

If you are taking a kiddo who is newly potty-trained out for trick or treating, you will want to be very aware of their costume. Is it something they can maneuver on and off by themselves? If it’s not, can any adjustments be made to make it more potty-training friendly? For example, if it requires a leotard or body suit could you get an option that has snaps on the bottom versus something that would need to be pulled all the way down?

Potty-Training & Bathroom Stops

While you are out and about trick or treating you will want to have a bathroom plan. If you are too far from home, and the little one needs to go now, having an easy to carry travel potty option is likely your best bet. My absolute favorite for this is the one-done travel urinal cup . It easily fits in the side of my bag, and I can attest that the spill proof feature works!

Having a plan always makes tricky things a little easier. If you get through the night and are having trouble getting your kiddo back into their sleep or potty routine, we are here to help!

You might also be interested in:

Avoid These Top 4 Safety Hazards This Halloween

How To Handle Halloween Candy: Provide Don't Deprive

As an Amazon Affiliate I earn from qualifying purchases.

10 Tips to Ease Back to School Stress

Tue, 03 Sep 2024 19:38:07 GMT

Are you or your kiddo anxious about the return to school?

Here are 10+ ways to lessen the stress, from some of the Resources in our Confident Parenting Village...

Who (else!) is feeling anxious about going back to school?! Here are some tips to lessen the stress, for you and your kiddo, from some of the resources in our Confident Parenting Village...

Check on Sleep Timing & Totals

“Give some thought to your child’s sleep schedule and totals. For most families, sleep schedules slip later in the summer and that requires being proactive about shifting back well in advance of the first day of school. Your goal is to find out what an adequate total of sleep is for your child (generally 11-11.5 hours through the elementary years), count back from the time they wake naturally or will need to wake to get ready for school without rushing, and start shifting their wake and sleep times toward that target as far as two weeks in advance. Helping your kiddo head into each day well rested will give them a head start at coping as well as ready to focus and learn.”

- Erica Desper, Pediatric Sleep Consultant at Confident Parenting

Talk About Feelings in Advance

“Some kids are eager to return and some may be a bit apprehensive. Taking some time to plan ahead both with your child will help make the transition go a bit more smoothly. You might want to start a conversation with your child by saying something like, “So what are you thinking about how Kindergarten will be?” Or, “I’ve noticed that sometimes you say you are excited to start and other times I hear you say you’re nervous. Tell me more about that.” As your child begins to share, resist the urge to offer a solution. In a collaborative way, together, you and your child can come up with a plan to proactively address some of the challenges that may arise.”

- Maria Sanders Parent Coach

Make Weeknights Easier with Prepared Meals

“Back to school is hectic and busy parents need to get meals they feel good about onto their family’s dinner tables without all the usual time and work. Consider stocking up on ready-to-cook meals for the first week or more, so your busy nights can be easy.”

- Claire Guarino, Owner of HomeCooked

Practice the Morning Routine

“Practice the morning routine the weekend before school starts. Consider having a visual schedule if your child is having difficulty with transitioning to a new routine. Providing sensory input, for example, holding a fidget toy on the car or bus ride to school, and incorporating sensory breaks into their schedule can help your child remain calm and focused. Chewy or crunchy snacks after school can help calm a child down before starting homework. Have them sit in the 90/90/90 position for homework, or consider alternative seating including laying on the floor, sitting on an exercise ball, or doing homework outdoors. Be sure to include plenty of exercise to help get some energy out prior to starting homework after school! Stopping by a playground, homemade obstacle courses, or animal walks are great options.”

- Stephanie Lint, Lead Physical Therapist and Founder of Play at Home

Map Out & Delegate Responsibilities

“Whether you're going back to work after maternity leave, sending your baby to daycare for the first time, or sending your kids back to school for the umpteenth year in a row, sitting down with your partner to map out everyone's schedules and assigning responsibilities ahead of time is key! Map out everyone's work, daycare, school and extracurricular schedules. Then, divide up drop-offs and pick-ups, and identify a back-up person for emergencies: a family member, friend or neighbor. Last but not least, when you're overwhelmed by your family's full calendar, think about what you might be able to outsource. Where is support most needed/helpful and what fits into your budget? Whether it's a meal service, a laundry service, or asking a family member or neighbor to carpool - every little bit helps!“

-Nicole Didizian, Founder of Main Line Family Education

Eliminate School Lunch Struggles

“School lunch is sensory overload. It is loud, distracting, and quick. Make a list of foods that your child already eats (no experiments) to help them stay fueled for the day. Also, practice having them open and eat everything in 20 minutes or less for optimal success.”

-Kristin Quinn, Behavior Feeding Therapist at Toddlers and Tomatoes

Give Yourselves Some Grace

“When schedules change and new routines are being created, remember to give yourself some grace. Meal times may change, bedtimes may change, therapy schedules may change...that's all okay! Don't put too much pressure on keeping the "perfection". Life will find its rhythm again!”

- Cara Fox, Lead Speech Language Pathologist and co-owner of TalkEatPlayGrow

Prepare for Pottying at School

“If your child potty trained over the school break, be sure to talk about what using the potty will look like at school. Ask questions like, “Mommy helps you use the potty at home. Who will you tell when you need to go at school?” Role play at home, taking turns being the teacher and the child who needs to go and walk through all the verbal & physical steps, from start to finish. Have them choose an object they can bring from home to school, in case they need something familiar to take to the bathroom with them. If possible, stop with them at the school bathroom at drop-off and pick-up, until they feel comfortable using it without you throughout the school day. Preparing in these ways will empower your child to keep their potty success going in the new environment. "

- Bernadette Samuels, Certified Oh Crap Potty Training Consultant at Confident Parenting

Let Some Things Go...But Plan to Get Them Back

"The transition to back-to-school time can be rather hectic however, plan for your fitness to be interrupted. It is okay to take a week off to be there for your family to help ensure everyone settles into their routine. Yes, this may seem like a scary thought but here is how to allow for this time:

1. Schedule: Add your time-block in your calendar when your workout day/ time is leading up to the start of school, during the week of school, and the second week of school.

2. Plan for shorter workouts during the first week of school. A shorter workout is still effective!

3. One week off will not alter your progress towards your goals! Develop a short mantra where you can repeat it when you are feeling stressed that you cannot work out. For me, I simply remind myself of the focus for the week and look to the next week to see my workouts scheduled.

Remember, fitness isn't about finding perfection, it is about developing resiliency with your progress."

- Kathrine Bright, Postpartum Personal Trainer & Owner of KatFit

Take Deep Breaths

“Kids are intuitive. If you’re amped with anxiety, they’re gonna feel that. Tell yourself it’s okay that you feel distraught or anxious right now but try incorporating deep-breath breaks throughout your day, and pause for a literal breather whenever you feel the tension really starting to well up. Deep belly breaths help slow your heart rate and plug the flood of stress hormones like cortisol to your brain, making them instantly relaxing. And you can do them anytime, anywhere.”

-Perri Shaw Borish, Founder of Wholeheart Maternal Mental Health

Organize Outfits For The Week On Sunday

Whether it's for you, or your children - spend 20 minutes on Sundays choosing an outfit for each day of the week and setting it aside in an organized system. Whether it's hanging outfits chronologically in the closet, purchasing a stack of dedicated drawers or using Ziploc bags in dresser drawers, choose whichever system works best for you and your family! Just know that the extra few minutes spent Sunday will save you and your family immensely on those hectic mornings!

- Allyson & Mary Catherine Cofounders Of Lessen The Loads Laundry & Organizing

Thank you to everyone for sharing their top tip and remember - parenting takes a village and you can find yours here. Learn about all the resources we've gathered in the Confident Parenting village and let us know how we can support your family!

5 Tips to Get Sleep Back to School Ready

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 21:04:07 GMT

Whatever your supply list consists of this year, sleep should be at the top of it.

The back to school season tends to elicit a full array of emotions from parents and children alike. As much as you or they may be in the camp of "I'm not ready to think about it yet!" taking time now to ensuring your kiddo heads into the year well-rested will help them (and you!) survive and thrive. Listen and read on for actionable steps to support your neurotypical or neurodivergent child to head back to school well rested.

What Does Ideal Sleep Look Like?

Ideal sleep refers to both quality and quantity. For a school age child that means it is uninterrupted and affords them an age appropriate total of hours by the time they need to wake each morning. Preschool-age children need 10 to 13 hours while six to thirteen year olds need 9 to 11 hours. In our experience, few children are comfortable on the lower end of those ranges.

F or example, if your child needs 11 hours of sleep and wakes on their own or needs to be awake by 7:00 a.m., falling asleep at 9:00 p.m. or later the night before will chip into that total. Much like many small charges on a credit card, those losses will begin to accumulate, leaving your child with a sleep debt. More important than any sleep total chart though is your child's behavior . Are they waking on their own or do you need to wake them? Can they happily make it to bedtime or are they falling apart in the evenings? Do they fall asleep on car rides or during screen time? A well rested child should be able to make it to their next regular sleep period easily and wake naturally.

Why Does Ideal Sleep Matter?

Across all ages, behavioral and learning difficulties are often a symptom of sleeplessness. Research tells us that sleep loss leads to problems with learning, attention and concentration, hyperactivity, mood, emotional regulation and behavior . Studies also show that lower sleep totals correlate with lower test scores. So, whether your child will be learning at home or a brick & mortar, from you or from a teacher, their sleep should be the first back to school supply you stock up on.

How Can We Get Back on Track?

If summer vibes have caused slipping schedules and shrinking sleep totals, these five tips will help your family get back on track.

1. Start Adjusting their Schedule in Advance

If your child's schedule has slipped later, start shifting them back well in advance of the start of she school year. As early as two weeks before their first school day, begin to gradually shift their sleep and wake times earlier. For example, you might wake your child 10 minutes earlier each morning and then shift their bedtime routine to start and end 10 minutes earlier than usual that night. Each day (or every few days if you prefer) repeat the process until your child is waking at the time they need to wake on a school day AND getting the appropriate amount of sleep for their age group . Once you have reached this schedule be sure to stick with it even on the weekends . If daylight or neighborhood sounds are causing an issue at bedtime consider adding blackout curtains and white noise or more of them.

2. Check the Tech

The light emitted from screens interrupts the production of Melatonin, one hormone involved in the delicate dance of bringing on sleep, and tells the brain, instead, to wake up. To prevent that disruption, turn screens off at least 1-2 hours before your child's goal sleep time. You can read more about the topic of screens and bedtime here . This is true of every screen including television, video games, tablets, phones, etc. Blue blocking features may not be as effective as once thought so don't rely on them. If a cutoff isn't possible, use a screen that is as far from your kiddo's face as possible - a phone held close may have more of an impact than a television across the room. For older children with their own devices consider having a rule of charging and leaving devices outside the bedroom to avoid temptation. If it helps, set an audible and/or visual timer so they have a heads up as to when screen time will end.

3. Consider their Diet and Fluid Pattern

A heavy meal too close to bedtime can interfere with your child’s ability to fall asleep and foods high in sugar can cause night waking due to blood sugar fluctuations. Caffeine can also interrupt sleep patterns so limit your child’s caffeine intake in general and avoid caffeine altogether within 6 hours of bedtime. Soda and energy drinks are obvious culprits but remember that chocolate has caffeine too so that after dinner treat could be an issue too. Drinking a lot of fluids close to bedtime can lead to overnight bathroom trips so push fluids throughout the day and taper down to a cutoff in the evening . Keep blood sugar stable by pairing a complex carbohydrate with a protein (think whole grain toast with peanut butter) for an evening snack.

4. Create or Revisit a Wind-Down Routine

If a predictable bedtime routine has fallen by the wayside, now is the perfect time to reintroduce one. The sleep routine should take place in the room your child sleeps in and should include activities that help their brain and body to wind down such as them reading to themselves or being read to, talking about their day or listening to calming music. Kids who have trouble turning their brains "off" at the end of day may benefit from guided meditation bedtime stories for kids or, for teens, a sleep podcast. My son loved Lori Lite 's Goodnight Caterpillar track when he was younger and is a huge fan of the Sleep With Me podcast now, as a tween. The Moshi app is also a very popular option. Be sure their environment is conducive to settling down. A room that is too stimulating or too warm can contribute to restlessness. Magnesium plays an important role in smooth sleep so consider incorporating a magnesium based lotion into the bedtime routine, like 8Sheep Organics Junior Bedtime Lotion .

5. Offer a Compromise to Keep Habits on Track

If your child is anxious about what this school year will bring, this will likely manifest at bedtime or overnight. It is okay to validate those feelings (we're anxious too, kid!) while still maintaining healthy sleep habits. Avoid introducing or reintroducing any habits you won't want to do in the long term, such as letting them crash in your bed, in favor of a compromise, like returning to check on them often so long as they lay in bed quietly.

We can never know exactly what a new school year will bring but we do know that heading into it well rested will help your family cope . If the above tips aren't enough to get sleep on track, our sleep team is here to help!

**As an Amazon Affiliate I earn on qualifying purchases.**

What Ocean Waves Can Teach Us About Sleep Struggles

Mon, 29 Jul 2024 20:48:49 GMT

If Your Baby is Fighting Sleep, This Analogy May Help...

Likely you and yours are traveling to the beach this Summer. While the little ones are busy splashing and digging (and probably eating a fair share of sand), take a minute to watch the waves and the surfers and you may find the key to quickly improving your child’s sleep struggles.

One of the most common obstacles to smooth sleep we help families improve is timing. The timing of your nap and bedtime attempts can make or break your child’s ability to fall asleep quickly and easily (or at all!) as well as how sound the resulting sleep will be.

Why does sleep timing have such an impact? Every child has a maximum period they can comfortably spend awake. Once they have exceeded that ideal “window” of time, the body says, “Oh no…I’m getting too tired! I need to find a way to keep going!” And it responds by releasing hormones that are designed to do just that, give your child a burst of energy – a second wind.

If you bike or run or swim, you are no doubt familiar with this second wind phenomenon. You can manage to push through a feeling of sheer exhaustion to finish with flying colors! In athletics a second wind can be helpful. When you’re trying to get your child to fall and stay asleep…not so much.

The trickiest things about addressing sleep issues is that many babies and toddlers wait until that window has already closed before giving us any indication that they are tired. Many we work with do show the typical signs of eye rubbing, yawning, clinginess and fussiness but not on the early, helpful side of tired. They shift from, “I’m fine, I’m fine” to “I am a hot mess!”, with zero warning or wiggle room between. Or some show no signs at all and seem to never need to sleep.

You may not be aware or be able to see any indication that this counterproductive hormone process is kicking off inside your child’s body. Once it has though, sleep will be harder to come by and more restless. A child who has a second wind, and especially one who chronically spends too long awake, is more likely to fight falling asleep and to pop awake too soon and often. If you’re dealing with sleep battles, short naps and frequent night waking, this wave lesson is for you.

With your toes in the sand, watch the surfers as they dangle on their boards, waiting for just the right wave to catch. What are they waiting and watching for? Well, would you want to paddle into a wave that is already peaking and crashing? Or one that is just starting to build, so you can smoothly ride with it? Your sleep solution may lie in that answer. So many of us are crashing into the wave of our child’s tiredness after it has already peaked when we want to be catching it sooner, as it is building for the smoothest ride to sleep.

This puts us as parents in quite a predicament. We want to catch the wave of tiredness as it builds but our child may not be a reliable indicator of when that is! What is a parent to do? For now, stop relying on your child’s cues. They are paddling you both into a “gnarly” ride. Instead, watch the clock. Note (yes, you may need to literally track this for a while) how long your child typically spends awake between sleep attempts and the result. Then experiment by shrinking that wakeful period in increments of 15 minutes at a time until you find a sweet spot where sleep is easier to come by and, perhaps, lasts a longer duration. This may mean heading up for a nap or bedtime attempt when your child doesn’t appear tired at all. That is terrifying, I know, but just trust me. It often works worlds better. And it probably can’t get worse, right?

Of course there are other reasons why sleep may be a struggle for your child but learning to ride the wave of tiredness rather than crashing into it is the first step to a smoother ride. If you’re struggling to improve sleep on your own, feel free to contact us to chat about tackling it together.

Do Lights And Screens Really Disrupt Sleep? Plus 5 Popular Alternatives

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 14:08:08 GMT

Do Screens Really Disrupt Your Child’s Sleep?
plus 5 Practical & Popular Alternatives

As parents, ensuring our children get a good night's sleep is crucial for their health and well-being. One of the key factors influencing sleep is melatonin, a hormone produced by the brain's pineal gland that regulates our sleep-wake cycles. Here’s a breakdown of how light, especially from screens, can impact melatonin production and affect your child’s ability to fall asleep easily and at their ideal time.

Understanding Melatonin

Melatonin plays a vital role in signaling to our bodies when it's time to sleep. Its production is triggered by darkness: as the day turns to night, the pineal gland ramps up melatonin production, making us feel drowsy and ready for bed. This hormone helps synchronize our internal body clock, known as the circadian rhythm, which regulates our sleep patterns. For the smoothest bedtime result, your goals are to avoid disruptions to melatonin production and aim for lights out around the time your child’s melatonin level is peaking.

Blue Light Suppression

One of the biggest culprits disrupting melatonin production is blue light, emitted abundantly by screens of electronic devices like smartphones, tablets, and TVs. Studies have shown that exposure to blue light in the evening can significantly suppress melatonin levels, making it harder to fall asleep. Essentially the light send a signal to the brain, much like sunlight, telling it to “wake up!” which won’t be helpful if you will soon try to say goodnight.

Children are More Vulnerable

Research indicates that children, especially those who haven’t reached puberty, are more susceptible to melatonin suppression from evening light exposure compared to adults. This is partly because children's eyes allow more light to penetrate due to larger pupils and more transparent lenses. So, even if you can watch TV or scroll on your phone and fall right to sleep, don’t assume your child can.

Practical Tips for Managing Light Exposure

To help your child maintain healthy sleep habits, consider implementing these strategies:

* Establish a Technology Curfew Set a time each evening when all screens are turned off at least an hour before bedtime. Be sure to explain this change of routine in advance of bedtime and use alarms or reminders to help you remember and enforce the new routine. We love visual timers like the one pictured below from Learning Resources.

* Create Technology-Free Zones Keep electronic devices out of the bedroom or, even better, to the main floor of the home if that is apart from the bedroom floor, to minimize exposure to blue light and reduce the temptation to use devices late at night. If your child is old enough to go and access or retrieve a screen on their own without you knowing, consider taking whatever steps may be necessary to prevent that from being possible. For younger children that may be as simple as placing thee device itself or the remote control out of sight. For tweens and teens that may mean taking devices to bed with you, establishing parental controls on the WiFi or having them lock their device up for the night.

* Use Blue Light Filters? Consider using devices or apps that filter out blue light. Some devices have built-in features like night mode or dark mode, which reduce blue light emission. Blue light blocking glasses are also an option to wear while viewing screens. That said, newer research is more uncertain, suggesting these options may not be as effective as once thought. So, a curfew for viewing screens is a far safer bet for sensitive people and children. In addition, think about “putting the house to sleep” in the hour before bedtime by dimming indoor lights.

* Create Distance The closer the screen is to your child’s eyes, the greater the impact may be on their sleep. So if none of the above suggestions are feasible, start with just putting more distance between them while viewing. For example, if they would typically hold your phone or a tablet, shift to a TV on the wall across the room instead. That will not be enough for some children but start where you can and see what results you get.

* Use Red Lights Unlike blue light, red light, according to what little research is currently available , does not seem to suppress melatonin production. Using red or warm-colored night lights or lamps may help create a sleep-friendly environment. Of particular note though, we are referring to lights/bulbs that emit red light wavelengths instead of bulbs that are simply tinted red. And some researchers believe the benefit is related more to color preference than to light wavelengths.

* Ensure Daytime Light Exposure Exposure to bright natural light during the day helps regulate circadian rhythms, making it easier to fall asleep at night. Encourage outdoor activities or ensure well-lit indoor spaces during daytime hours.

What You Can Offer Instead

While knowing is half the battle, getting your kid to cooperate is the “bigger” half, we know. If you or your child are struggling to tweak the role screens play in the bedtime routine, here are some alternatives the families we work with have loved.

Moshi App - Offering hundreds of hours of bedtime stories and sleep sounds, the Moshi app is sure to be a hit. You can explain to your child in advance that instead of watching a story, we will skip that (or shift it earlier in the evening) and listen to stories. Be sure that any digital option you provide does not give your child access to a screen. For example, you can stream the sound via an Echo Dot or similar device.

Stress Free Kids Albums - Lori Lite was a stressed-out mom who spent two hours each night trying to put her children to bed. She became sleep deprived, anxious, and depressed. When her daughter developed stress related night terrors Lori knew she had to do something to help herself and her family. She is the Founder of Stress Free Kids and has created 10 books for children, a parent’s guide, relaxation music tracks, guided meditation for teens, and lesson plans. Lori was also one of the first mompreneurs to be featured on ABC’s Shark Tank. Listen to the Goodnight Caterpillar and we dare you to not start yawning!

Youtube Playlists - Search around on YouTube and you’ll discover plenty of options for sleep stories that you can use to customize one or more playlists for your child. Again be sure they are listening but not viewing the screen and cannot access it for viewing.

Music Streaming Playlists- Whether you use Apple Music, Amazon Music or Spotify there are plenty of sleep stories and podcasts to choose from, some designed for adults and others designed for kids. Take a listen and customize a playlist that lasts long enough to help your child wind down and/or drift off.

Toniebox Audio Player - This is definitely a recent favorite because it allows your child to feel in charge and independent. Plus you don’t have to worry about Echo Dot connectivity or accessible screens. They are a little pricey to invest in without knowing whether it will help so check your local library before purchasing as some have started loaning them out!

The bottom line? Being mindful of screen time and establishing and sticking with bedtime routines that include minimizing light exposure and creating sleep-friendly environments, parents can help promote healthier sleep patterns for their children. Prioritizing good sleep hygiene not only supports physical health but also contributes to better mood, behavior, and cognitive function in children.

Need support to tweak your family’s sleep habits? Our team would be happy to chat about how we can help!

You might also be interested in:

5 Reasons Your Child Didn't Sleep Last Night

How Do We Deal With Nightmares?

6 Sensory Steps to Smooth Sleep

5 Tips For Getting Sleep Back To School Ready

Are Your Preschooler's Toileting Skills Back to School Ready? 6 Things to Work on Now

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 17:29:07 GMT

Have you considered whether your preschooler is ready to use the bathroom independently when school starts? Here are 6 tips to help you along...

Do you have a little one who is going off to school for the first time this year or headed back? Then this is the time to start thinking about the toileting skills they may need some additional practice with.

As is the case in many schools, the requirements at my kiddo's preschool was that children must be “self sufficient” in the bathroom. At this point, I can confidently say my little one is potty-trained without feeling like I’m going to jinx us. (You can read more about our potty-training journey here ). However, staring down the first year of preschool, I needed to consider whether they were truly self sufficient in the bathroom yet. The answer? We had some work to do over that summer! Here are some tips if you are in the same boat:

Start Practicing!

Summer is a great time to practice all the skills your preschooler needs to be self-sufficient. Starting as early as possible will give your tiny person plenty of practice ahead of sending them off to a classroom bathroom and practice and patience are key. While they may have mastered toileting at home, translating that to a new environment can present new challenges. Make a point of visiting public restrooms to expose your child to a variety of bathroom and toilet set ups and get them in the habit of leaving the action for a potty pause. Your local public library, a parent's office or a grandparent's house may be better places to start than your local Target, assuming you want to keep the potential for sensory overwhelm to a minimum!

Prepare Them for the Concept

Begin to talk about what using the potty at school will look like, before it needs to happen. In many school settings, children will have certain times of day where they are taken to the bathroom in groups and that will likely involve waiting in a line. Reading books about going to school and talking about it, can make the transition easier for your child. In order to talk about it, you'll need to ask a lot of questions about the school set up. You'd be surprised by how many parents have never seen their child's classroom and don't know where the bathroom is or what their child needs to do in order to use it! Information and preparation are also key to a smooth start.

Practice Pants & Underwear

Give your child plenty of time to practice "pants down, underwear down" before going and then "underwear up, pants up" after. Make sure your little one can independently maneuver their clothing in both directions. Scan their wardrobe and be sure it contains what you need to avoid sending them in clothing with difficult factors when they are first headed into a classroom like belts, buttons, overalls, etc. Elastic waistbands and loose fitting shorts or pants (not leggings!) are your best bet at first. Here are some great resources for games that help with dressing skills:

Inspired Treehouse

Therapy Fun Zone

Expose Them to Big Toilets

In most school settings there are only toilets, even if they are of a smaller variety. If your child is exclusively using a potty, this could make the classroom setting more challenging than it needs to be. Make sure your child has practice maneuvering themselves onto and off of and using a toilet or big potty. Visiting public restrooms (see below) can be a great way to practice this skill.

Teach Wiping Skills

Wiping and wiping thoroughly is a skill that only comes with loads of practice. (You can expect some skid marks for the first few years to be honest!) Make sure to let them practice this summer after at least some of their potty trips. They can wipe first, with your hand over theirs for guidance if needed, followed by you doing a more thorough job. There are some fun ways to work on this skill outside of the bathroom too. You can demonstrate and have them practice with soap and a wash cloth during bath time or try practicing using the balloon or chocolate syrup activities. In addition to working on fine motor skills, practicing trunk/torso rotation can help make sure little hands, fingers and bodies are ready to take on this job.

Practice Hand Washing Skills

We want to make sure your little one is clear on all of the skills related to using the bathroom, including how to properly wash their hands before rejoining the class. You can use a visual cue chart like the one below to help them learn the routine. Or create one that is more personalized using pictures of your child moving through the steps. I also personally like a good h and washing song (see below) to let them know what is an appropriate amount of time to wash hands. Adding in a fun soap like Splatz can make the job less of a chore.

If you are struggling with this or any aspect of the toilet training process, the Confident Parenting Team is here to help!

Taking Potty Training on the Go? 4 Things to Think About Before You Do

Sun, 23 Jun 2024 18:29:16 GMT

Nervous about taking your kiddos potty-training success on the go? Here are a few things to consider before you do...

One of the scarier leaps in the potty learning journey is taking your child's success out of the home. With a little preparation, there is nothing to fear. Hear are our top tips for taking that show on the road, from a team member who just took the leap herself!

I’m Amelia and I am a sleep & potty coach for Confident Parenting as well as being the virtual administrative assistant. So, you might think that I had zero trouble potty-training my own toddler… but we still hit some road blocks. But here we are, my kiddo was at a place where we were doing great at home and I was ready to venture out into the world. Here are some of our top tips for heading out into the world with your potty-training kiddo:

Build Potty Stops Into The Routine

We want to create a routine in which going to the bathroom right before you leave the house, and your destination, is the norm. For example “We are going to go potty and then put on our jacket to leave. Would you like to use your big potty or your little potty?” This makes your expectations clear, but allows them to retain some control over the situation.

Be Mindful of the Length of Your Trip

Is this a short trip? Multiple destinations? You want your first time out of the house to be a quick one stop trip and somewhere familiar. Choose a destination where you are clear on where the bathroom is and that it is open to the public, etc. We want to avoid asking this little person to hold pee and poo in the car and use unfamiliar bathrooms for hours at a time, at least for now. So a trip to Giant to get one thing or even to the local library for a 30 minute story time, would be preferable to an errand marathon.

Prepare for Accidents

You can see in the photo what I chose to bring with me for my little one's first trip out sans diapers. Extras! Extras of everything. You want to be prepared for accidents. Extra clothing means pants, shirts, socks and shoes. If you don’t want to pack an extra pair of sneakers you might opt for something like crocs that can be easily wiped and dried. Speaking of preparing for accidents, you'll need somewhere to put yucky clothes. That’s why my bag included the plastic diaper bags. They are plenty big enough to fit a pair of pants in. If you are concerned about the carseat being soiled, some families use a Chucks pad (a very thin disposable underpad) under your little person. Just be sure that it is not in any way affecting your child’s straps and avoid using anything thick or bulky for safety reasons.

Prepare for Public Restrooms...Or Not

Part of this process includes thinking about how your child will react to things. I have a kiddo who is sensitive to loud or unexpected noises, so noise cancelling headphones were a go-to for us for a public restroom. In the event that we couldn’t get to a public restroom, and in case my kiddo refused to use it, I also just brought our little potty in the car with us. There are travel potties made specifically for this reason, but I felt like there was plenty of room in our car to bring the one we use at home. I also always carry hand sanitizer with me. This avoids any trouble with lack of soap in a public restroom.

If you or your child are having trouble taking the plunge to leaving the house, our team of Oh Crap certified potty-training coaches are here to help!

"Our Sleep Plan Didn't Work"

erica@beaconfidentparent.com (Erica Desper) — Mon, 03 Jun 2024 15:58:08 GMT

Keeping it Real with a 2 Star Review...

When I started offering support to parents in 2011, following my own struggle into and out of sleep deprivation, I never imagined where that would take me and the parenting community. 13 years later I am beyond proud to have grown to a small team of moms supporting thousands of parents locally, nationally and internationally in the areas of sleep, potty-training, behavior and more. We are continually honored when families invite us into their lives, not to mention humbled by countless glowing five star reviews on Google , Facebook , Yelp and more and annual awards as “Best” and “Family Favorite” from our local parenting community.

That said, I am adamant about keeping things real in day-to-day life as well as on social media. To that end, let’s talk about the fact that a plan, created on your own or with our support doesn’t always play out as planned and how to avoid a “fail” or pivot when yours does. Here are some critical things to consider when creating and reevaluating a plan to address sleep and other challenges:

Temperament & Parenting Styles

Most parents create a sleep plan and select a behavioral approach based on their parenting style(s). Some prefer to be very hands-on while others are hands-off and most fall in between. Fortunately, there is almost always more than one way to get from where you are to where you want to be. That said, be aware that your child’s temperament may not align with your own parenting style. For example, when my son was born I was very attachment parenting minded and did not want him to cry at all all and certainly not to cry alone. I exhausted both of us with hands-on approaches for weeks and then months with little to no results, not to mention loads of crying (which is what I was trying to avoid!) One night, out of sheer physical exhaustion, I placed him safely in his crib and let him cry while I laid back down. Lo and behold, he caught on from there. I discovered that the way I preferred to go about making changes with him was not the way he needed me to go about making them. We had a true mismatch of his temperament and my parenting style. When I discovered what he needed versus what I needed, it was smooth sailing from then on out.

The lesson? Start where you feel comfortable AND, if you aren’t seeing improvement within one week of implementing your plan consistently, come back to the available options and reconsider them through the filter of your child’s temperament. In the case of the parent who shared this review, they told me outright at the consultation, “I think he needs an extinction approach.” That was not, however, the approach they selected to implement because both parents were not on board with that approach. More than likely, Mom’s instinct was spot on and we need to change gears to an approach this kiddo can respond to. When both partners are not on the same page in terms of goals and approach, a compromise is called for, of course. However, the compromise option may also not be the option your child needs AND the risk of inconsistent implementation of the plan is much higher.

The Slot Machine Effect

Assuming you have landed on an approach your child can make sense of and respond to, another obstacle to success may be what we refer to as the slot machine effect or, in behavioral science terms, intermittent reinforcement. When we support a family to create a plan we ensure they are confident with all the do’s and don'ts they will need to keep in mind to successfully implement it. However, we are not there in the heat of the moment to know for sure whether it is being implemented consistently from their child’s point of view. In almost all cases of parents reporting that a plan did not work, when we are able to know the details (which we weren’t in this case) it boils down to parents intentionally (because they are exhausted and feeling quite desperate) or accidentally doing something that suggests to their child that if they just wait longer and or get louder and or ask more often, they will elicit a different response. It is actually far more counterproductive to give in randomly and occasionally than it is to give in predictable.

That type of occasional reinforcement is referred to as intermittent reinforcement and the hugely successful gambling industry thrives on it. Adults don’t persist at a slot machine because they know it will pay off - they persist because there is a teeny tiny chance it might. That mindset gets payed off just often enough to encourage them to persist. Similarly, if you are consistent with a plan the first three times your child wakes overnight but not on the 4th time (because it’s enough already!) you are essentially encouraging them to try harder at the next wake up or on the next night. More important than the approach you choose to implement is the consistency with which you implement it. That consistency needs to occur from parent to parent, night to night and day to day as well as across enough consecutive nights that your child can predict your response with 100% certainty. If your plan isn’t working, ask yourself if you have truly been that consistent for that long.

Cracks in the Foundation

Behavioral approaches will only work if there is a solid foundation for them to rest on. A solid foundation requires that the timing of sleep, the sleep environment and the sleep routine be optimized for your baby or child. In the case of the family that shared this review, there were some adjustments that needed to be made to both the timing of sleep (baby was overtired when being put down some of the time) and the routine (baby was being put down drowsy rather than fully awake). It is human nature to pick and choose elements of a plan while not implementing the precise details as laid out. Much like baking is far more precise than cooking, a sleep plan needs to be implemented like a baking recipe.

If the timing is off and baby is overtired, their coping skills will decrease and you may not see improvement. If they are assisted to a drowsy state at bedtime and then wake fully overnight and don’t receive the same assistance, they may not feel willing or able to navigate that and you may not see improvement. When we support a family we do not offer magical solutions they’ve never heard of. Rather, we are helping them understand and address details that seem insignificant to our adult brains but can make or break a plan for a young baby or child trying to cope.

Choosing Adequate Support

Another common challenge parents face is second guessing a plan along the way and/or encountering questions they can’t answer. The benefit to working with a human, rather than reading a book or buying an online sleep plan, is that you can ask questions along the way and pivot the plan as needed. No one, including myself, can predict what each child will respond to. We aren’t talking about robots but little humans with personalities, temperaments and more. The reason we offer a four-week package of support is just that - so we can see the day-to-day data of how your child is responding (or isn’t) and help you interpret where to go based on that data. In fact, that package is not limited to four weeks but, more accurately, it is “until you get there”. Meaning, families will achieve their goals within the four-week timeline or we guarantee we will remain in touch via email and app until you do.

The family who shared this review opted for our consultation only option which does not include any day to day follow-up and, when we offered to reconnect and tweak the plan on a refresher call (just $50), did not respond. We cannot guarantee what a child can do or within what timeline they can do it. We also can’t guarantee you and all caregivers who are involved are implementing what we discussed or implementing it consistently. What we CAN guarantee is that we will be available to you until you achieve your goals, if that is your desire.

Despite these common obstacles, we are proud to have successfully supported over 2,000 satisfied families over the past 13 years. You can read their success stories in any of the places linked below and, if you’re ready to write or rewrite your own success story, we would love to support you.

A Note About Cost

As the world has continued to grow more and more expensive, we are proud to have stuck by our goal to not raise prices for the past several years. Instead, we recently began offering a payment plan so families can spread the cost of 1:1 support over an 8 week period with zero interest. As the Sleep Specialists for Center City Pediatrics we offer virtual and in-person group classes there for as little as $25 per caregiver and an on-demand version of those group classes in collaboration with Main Line Family Education for as little as $60.

We also offer a DIY sleep course that walks you through creating your own sleep plan for just $149, with the option to roll that into additional support if needed. Our 1:1 support ranges from $250- $499 and families can also use FSA/HSA funds in many cases. Any family is welcome to join our free Facebook group where we answer questions each day.

Every family needs and deserves sound sleep and we will continue to do all we can to make it available to you and yours!

You might also be interested in:

Do I Need To Sleep Train My Baby?

5 Things To Do Before Diving Into Sleep Training

Which Sleep Training Method Is Best? 3 Ways To Decide

4 Reasons Sleep Training Isn't Working For Your Baby

Help! My Toddler is Climbing Out of the Crib!

Fri, 17 May 2024 02:26:36 GMT

Tips to Prevent the Climb or Make the Bed Transition

So you just got to that sweet spot where your toddler has settled into one nap a day with easy bedtimes and solid nights and then – bam! they climb out of the crib. Before you panic or transition them into a bed, you may want to read this.

Is My Child Ready for a Bed?

When possible, we suggest that families wait until at least 2.5 years of age to transition out of the crib. Before that age most children can’t cognitively grasp the concept of staying put in the freedom of a bed. Doing so when a child is not quite ready can cause or compound nap, bedtime and overnight struggles. If your child is under that age or older but still working on falling and staying asleep independently, it is likely best to find a way to contain them safely in the crib a bit longer.

Try a Sleep Sack

Most children manage to climb out by throwing a leg over the railing so putting them to sleep in a sleep sack can prevent that. Sleep sacks come in a range of sizes and can be the single easiest way to stop the climbing. The Halo Big Kids Sleepsack , available in 2T-5T, has foot holes to allow toddlers to walk around. If your little Houdini figures out how to remove it, try putting the sack on backwards with the zipper in the back so it is harder to access. You can also put it on backwards and inside out. I've also seen clever parents sew a panel of fabric from one pajama leg to the other as another way to prevent the leg over the rail escape method.

Turn Your Crib Around

Some cribs are designed to be higher in the back than they are in the front. If that is true of yours, putting the higher side facing out into the room can also help.

Lower the Mattress to the Floor

Assuming the crib mattress is already on the lowest setting, examine your crib to see if the mattress supports can be removed to l ower the mattress directly onto the floor . (Be sure, if you do this, that there is not an unsafe gap between the top of the mattress and the bottom of the crib rails. If there is, this is not a safe option). This will help you gain many more inches and most toddlers cannot manage that climb. If you combine this trick with a sleep sack, you may be good to go.

When All Else Fails

If none of the above can safely contain your climber then it may be time to transition to a toddler or regular bed, regardless of their age. Be sure that the room is safety proofed including mounting furniture to the wall (Your toddler is a climber after all!) The new freedom of a bed can be overwhelming and/or turn into a "game", especially if your child is on the younger side.

If they are struggling to stay put at bedtime or overnight you may need to consider creating a “crib” out of the entire room. We suggest using an extra tall gate at the door as a visual reminder of the expectation to stay put. Pressure mounting may be easy enough to push over so installation may be necessary. Not all gates labeled "extra tall" are created equal so check the height before purchasing. The Regalo Easy Step comes in at an awesome 41" and is tough for most toddlers to open. The Door Monkey is another alternative to gating the room and does not require installation.

A toddler clock can also be a good addition to the space to help them understand when it is and is not okay to get out of bed. Children can’t tell time and being allowed to come out at 6:30am but not 4:30am can feel very arbitrary and confusing.

If gating the room does not sit right with you, consider sitting in the room as your child falls asleep (and again if needed when they wake overnight and come to you or call for you) to help them adjust to this new freedom. They keys with this approach are 1) do not let them climb into your bed unless you don't mind that becoming a nightly habit and 2) have an exit strategy so you can get back to independent sleeping. For example, if you start off sitting beside them and rubbing their back until they fell asleep then every few nights you want to do less: wean off of back rubbing for a few nights for example and then move farther from the bed and toward the door for a few nights and so on until you get back to a place where you can just say goodnight and leave. Referred to by a myriad of names such as the chair method and the Shuffle, fading your presence out of the room gradually over many nights can be a gentle way to help a child adjust to a new way to sleep.

The key to surviving this transition is to let your child know that new freedom does not mean anything goes. Help them adjust of course but get back to normal as quickly as possible.

**As an Amazon affiliate, I earn on qualifying purchases**

How Do I Keep My Child in Their Own Bed?!

Fri, 10 May 2024 21:23:02 GMT

Questions from Readers...

Jaxandshep on Instagram asked, “How do I convince my 5 and almost 3 year olds to stay in their own bed at night??”

Thanks for the question. It’s a very common one and hard to address quickly here but we will try! We're assuming you mean they are coming into your bed rather than into each other’s beds? If so, the biggest key to solving this issue is to enforce a hard and fast rule that your bed (or any other option other than their own beds) is not an option. Ever. Yes, we even mean at 4/5am when it’s hard to enforce and, yes, we even mean on weekends when you want everyone to sleep in and/or wake up slowly.

Basically, if they think you might let them climb in and sleep there even 1% of the time, they are likely to wake for that and aim for that. Being consistent 99% of the time unfortunately isn’t enough in most cases. Think of slot machines – people don’t feed them coins because they know they will pay out on every occasion. They feed them coins because of the chance they MIGHT pay out even one time. Don’t be a slot machine, lol. If you aren’t aware that they are creeping in, you’ll need to address that first. For example, you might secure your door, place a gate at your door or hang a bell so the door chimes when they try to creep in.

The next key is to decide how you will make that possible. When your child comes out at bedtime or in the middle of night or early morning, what will you do instead of letting them climb in? And be sure to choose the option you can implement consistently every. single. time . The spectrum of options includes:

Walking them back as many times as it takes until they begin to stay put;
Agreeing to sit within their view until they fall or return to sleep (for example beside the bed or just outside the doorway) and working out of needing to do that over time;
Promising to return to check on them but only if they step put and wait quietly (and DO come back and quickly-don’t try to trick them and hope they will just fall asleep) For example, “I am going to use the potty and will be right back to check on you if you are waiting quietly in your bed.”); or
Containing them in the room and ignoring them – then, once they see you are serious about staying put, offering them a fresh chance to make a better choice with one of the other options.

For example, you might install (not pressure mount and, for climbers, extra tall) a gate at their doorway (this can work with 2/3 year olds but probably not with a 5 year old) and, after a night of seeing that through until morning, saying something like, “I didn’t like having to close the gate and I know you didn’t like it either. So, let's try again. I know you can remember to stay in your bed and lay quietly, and then I can remember to leave the gate/door open. If you can’t remember, I’ll need to close it to help you remember.”

You aren’t punishing your child – you are giving them a reason to make the better choice to stay put. If a gate isn’t an option, the Door Monkey is another way to approach securing the door temporarily and is still one step less dramatic than fully closing and locking the door as they can still see and call out a bit. Closing and locking the door is of course an option but it isn’t my favorite when we can avoid it and can cause or exacerbate anxiety in some children.

Finally, along with any option, I would offer them clear sleep rules and a way to clearly define those rules. You might say for example, “The sleep rules are 1) you lay in your bed quietly and 2) you stay in your bed until morning.” Then define “morning” for them by introducing a toddler clock that indicates when it is and is not acceptable to get up and come find you. Popular wake clocks include the Ok to Wake , Gro , and Hatch .

The bottom line is to be ultra-consistent which is, of course, the hardest part. We hope that helps and hang in there tired parents!

As an Amazon Affililate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Rocketship Kisses: 3 Steps to Peaceful Preschooler Bedtimes

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 01:22:52 GMT

Curbing Stalling and Tears at Bedtime

Whether embarking on helping your baby to sleep more independently or battling another round of anxiety in your older child, routines and rituals are the keys to success – both theirs and yours. When the time comes to turn out the lights, separation anxiety, fears, and stalling can creep in, quickly turning your peaceful independent sleeper into a tearful, clingy “just one more” and “don’t goooo!” mess.

Here are 3 tips to help them back on track and maintain your sanity.

1. Have a Clear and Consistent Routine

Never underestimate the power of a routine for your baby, toddler, or older child. Knowing what happens first, next and when the routine will end prepares the brain and body to relax for sleep and creates a sense of security that can go a long way toward decreasing stalling tactics and anxiety.

Elements of your routine should remain the same from night to night, and should be carried out in the same order — such as “We read one book, we sing two songs, then Mommy will turn out the light, and blow one last kiss.” Some experts recommend reading the same few books and singing the same songs, especially when first instituting a routine. Hearing the same lyrics each night sends signals to the body and the brain that, in time, will make your child begin to feel sleepy. As well, novelty can be too stimulating for some children.

If reading the same books isn’t an option, consider creating a small group of bedtime books from which your child can choose or keep books out of the room and have your child select just two to bring into the room/routine each night. Limited choices are helpful, not only for our little ones but for us as parents too!

2. Create a Goodbye Ritual

Children have trouble letting go of the day and, while turning out the light can be difficult, a closing ritual comfortably signals that the routine is over and sleep is now the only option whether you are leaving the room or staying until your little one is asleep.

My son was a Master Staller – always asking me to stay for “one more minute” or wanting to tell me “something very important”. Combine his stalling expertise with a 3 year old’s typical nighttime fears, and I soon realized we needed a routine to redirect all that anxious energy and get me out of that room peacefully!

Enter rocketship kisses. Since my son loved all things outer space and anything that was silly and exaggerated - and since humor often dispels anxiety -I suggested he throw me a “rocketship kiss”. I stood at his bedroom door and he threw me my kiss. I pretended his kiss was SO powerful it launched me down the hallway very dramatically, complete with knocking into walls and sound effects. He found it so funny that he forgot to be anxious and began looking forward to the end of our nightly bedtime routine.

The tradition has grew and morphed into other silly types of kisses. Each night I would let him choose what kinds of kisses he would throw and whether he would throw one, two or three. Of course he always chose three but providing the option gave him a measure of control and a sense of agency— which brings us to my final tip.

3. Provide Limited Choices

Every ritual or routine must suit your baby’s age and abilities. The older your child, the more options you can provide, but always keep it simple and allow your child to think he or she is controlling the process. The trick? Use choices only when appropriate and determine what your child can choose from.

For example, rather than opening the drawer of 12 pairs of jammies and asking “Which pajamas do you want to wear? try presenting your child with two preselected pairs and asking “Do you want to wear your green pjs or the blue ones?” Rather than “How many books do you want to read?” ask “Shall we read three books or two tonight?” Preschoolers often feel powerless so, if cooperation is what you are after, allow your child to make choices in this way.

Where can you add predictable elements to prepare your child’s body for sleep and create a sense of security? With a little thought and maybe even a flourish of fun or silly (hard to muster at the end of the day, I know!) you can create your own “rocketship kisses” and be well on your way to a more peaceful bedtime!

7 Tips to Help Your Child Sleep Well through the Holidays

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 02:30:40 GMT

Traveling or Hosting Guests this Holiday Season? Here are Seven Tips to Help Maintain Baby's Sleep...

With the holidays rapidly approaching, your mind is likely spinning with thoughts of shopping, cooking, decorating, and packing. One thing that can easily be overlooked is how to keep your children from losing too much sleep. Travel, guests and festivities can take quite a toll on little ones, particularly if you are traveling through time zones.

Here are seven tips to keep in mind that can save just a small piece of your child’s slumber – and your sanity! – this holiday season.

Go with the Flow

That being said, more sensitive children have a harder time rolling with the punches and you are the one who has to deal with your overtired child when the guests leave! For that reason, feel free to assure Grandma that she will be the first to hold baby when they wake from their usual nap and whisk them away.

Be Prepared

Be sure to bring pieces of home with you when packing. Pack your child's sleep sack, sound machine and lovey or favorite stuffed animal which can help ease the anxiety that often comes with sleeping in a new environment. If you will be using a pack and play you may want to do a few practice runs by having them sleep in it at home first so it isn’t a totally foreign space. If your child is sleeping in a bed consider bringing a portable bed rail. I’ve even gone so far as to pack black trash bags and tape to black out bright rooms for my light sensitive guy. You can’t really travel light with kids anyway so why not be prepared!

Plan Ahead

As much as possible try to ensure that your child is well napped before you leave. That way, if the rest of the day doesn’t fall into place, they won’t be quite as overtired. (Hopefully!) If you are hosting guests, try to schedule their arrival after the first nap of the day. That nap typically is the most important one and will give your child a head start on the day.

Adjust Where Necessary

If you are traveling to a different time zone the best approach is to get onto the new local schedule as soon as possible. When traveling late at night, it is fine to allow a day of sleeping in and off naps but then be sure to get onto the local schedule the next full day – even if it means waking your child the next morning. If they usually wake at 7 a.m. at home, wake them at 7 local time.

If you travel earlier in the day but your child’s nap happens late, say starting at 3:00 instead of 12:00, wake them early enough from the nap that he can go down at their normal 7 or 8 bedtime on the local clock. A few car or stroller naps on vacation are okay! You can get back to normal as soon as you get home and some sleep is definitely better than none.

Take a Break

If you are in the process of sleep training at home you will likely need to resign yourself to a vacation from that too. Since consistency and scheduling are key to improving sleep habits, you likely won’t have much success while traveling. If you are hosting guests you may be less willing and able to enforce the sleep “rules.” Just be sure to get back to your regular routines as soon as you get home and the guests leave.

Catch Up When You Return

Yes, it is ideal to keep your child’s schedule on track but don’t sacrifice all the fun of your trip. If you can jump back to an ideal schedule and house rules when you get home it takes most little ones just a few days to adjust. Even when you CAN stick to the schedule travel can leave your child overtired and cranky. When possible, try to make the first full day at home all about catching up on sleep and recovering.

Remember It's Temporary

If all else fails and your little one moves into full meltdown mode remember that this too shall pass. (And maybe leave the kids with Grandma until it does.)

Happy Holidays!

5 Tips for Less Crying & More Sleep for Your Newborn (and You!)

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 01:35:48 GMT

5 Tips for Less Crying & More Sleep for Your Newborn (and You!)

As a sleep coach and postpartum doula, I thought motherhood would be so much easier for me than for the average mom (pausing for your laughter…). Every day, I supported parents through the transition of having a new baby, teaching them how to soothe their fussy babies. I knew all there was to know about encouraging healthy sleep habits from the start and had a solid plan to start moving my son toward independent sleep around 4 months of age.

Enter my son, and my discovery: you don’t know what you don’t know. He was a VERY fussy and high need baby. I tried repeatedly to get him out of my arms and my bed and into his crib. I had to trade my lofty vision and goals for survival mode. Our days consisted of wearing and frequent nursing and our evenings consisted of bouncing on a ball with the hair dryer or vacuum for background noise. My friends with babies didn't seem to get it - they could just put their baby down and get things done while they slept peacefully. It felt like my friends babies seamlessly joined their lives while mine took it over and turned it upside down.

To make a very long and exhausting story short, we both survived that newborn stage. It was a long and winding road, but my personal takeaway was this:

No matter what you know or expect, your baby didn't read the books or your plan. You get the little person you get and they and your journey may not match your vision. You may need to grieve over that and you may need to enter survival mode too and I give you permission to do both.

In the meantime, you'll need to get through each day, keeping baby and yourself as rested as possible. These 5 tips may help.

1. Help set your baby’s internal clock to distinguish the difference between day and night. Newborns are not born with an internal clock so provide external cues instead. Exposure to natural sunlight or bright interior lights in the morning and during the day is important, as is avoiding artificial light throughout the night. Turning on a bright light for night wakings interrupts the body’s natural production of melatonin, making it harder to return to sleep. When you do respond to baby for night feedings or wakings, keep things quiet and mellow and avoid scrolling on your phone so you can return to sleep easily yourself.

2. Fill up baby’s daytime “sleep tank.” Sleep is important for everyone, but even more so for an already fussy baby. The key to less crying and longer sleep stretches is to prevent them from growing overtired at all costs. Don’t stress about getting them out of the carrier, swing, stroller, or car but use these items to your advantage until this fussy period subsides. Don't stress about putting them down awake or putting them down at all for now. There will be plenty of time to change habits, but for now just make sure they get enough sleep in whatever way works best. If you wait too long to soothe them to sleep, they will get a second wind and be harder to settle and will pop awake faster. Plan to help your baby to sleep within just 45-75 minutes of waking for the smoothest result and, if you miss that window, don’t beat yourself up! Just make a mental note of that and start sooner next time.

3. Throw out the notion that you must get baby on a schedule . There will be time for that too. For now, try to think more in terms of a pattern or flow to your day. I’m a fan of having fixed points or ranges for starting and ending baby's day and then following a repeating pattern between those points. For example, the Baby Whisperer’s E.A.S.Y plan is a repeating cycle of Eat, Activity, Sleep, You time. It is a great way to add some semblance of structure to your day without the anxiety of a strict schedule.

4. Listen to your baby, and your instincts . Your best friend says your baby shouldn’t eat until four hours have passed. Your mother in law says you are spoiling them by holding them all the time. An “expert” suggests you are waiting too long and doing everything wrong. Don’t listen! You are the expert on your baby. People usually mean well (and sometimes not) but they are not pacing the floors with you at 3 a.m. or bouncing on a birth ball just to get a few moments of peace between screaming. Don’t ignore what feels right to you or drain what little emotional resources you have trying to follow someone’s advice. Don't follow any advice in the newborn stage at the expense of your sanity or baby's sleep totals.

5. As fussiness subsides, try taking baby steps toward change. While some parents can work on sleep goals right away, you may need to remain in survival mode until fussiness subsides, typically around 12-16 weeks. When you can, putting baby down even once a day while awake but drowsy will allow them to get a little practice at self-soothing. Rather than eliminating the swing, try lessening the speed and eventually turning it off after baby falls asleep. Gradual changes and drastic changes can bring the same results. The question is, “Which method is gentler on everyone?” Every time I put my son in the crib wide awake, I remember the path we traveled to get there. He blows me a kiss and says “See you soon, sleep tight!” You can get there too, but on your own path and in your own time.

In the meantime, all you can do is keep breathing, and a little snoring would be nice too.

5 Things I Wish I'd Known As A Brand New Mom: To My Friends With Brand New Babies

Tue, 03 Oct 2023 02:42:32 GMT

5 Things I Wish I Knew as a First Time Mom: A Letter to My Friends with Brand New Babies

Two of my closest friends in the entire world have both had babies over the last 4 weeks. Watching my friends become Moms is one of the most exciting milestones I’ve ever experienced. My little boy is 4 and half now and watching these little babies has really taken me back to what those first postpartum weeks with my little guy felt like. Here is what I want to tell each of them and anyone else who needs to hear it…

Dear Friend,

This will all get easier.

I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will. In a few weeks or a few months, it will feel different and you will feel more confident. Every new mom I have ever met is questioning everything she’s doing. I promise you’re doing fine. I’m so proud of you.

Feed Your Baby.

Your friends and family are here to support you with whatever your goals are. There are resources available if breastfeeding is your jam and you need support. If breastfeeding is not your jam, that’s also fine. Feeding the baby, while also maintaining your sanity and joy, is what is important. If feeding is not going the way you expected, I know that is beyond difficult. I give you permission to feel, express and sit with all the feels surrounding that. Anyone who doesn’t, they are not. your. people. There are women who have been where you are and we are here to listen.

Don't Fall For Sleep Myths.

This is a big one. I have learned so much about sleep for babies and children over the 4 years of my kiddo’s life (Shout out to Erica Desper, the best boss ever, who will definitely not like that called her my “boss!”) I was under the impression that if you let a baby sleep “all day” they would not sleep at night and you would be in big trouble. Newborns need WAY more sleep than you think they do and keeping a baby awake for too long is what will lead to trouble. Overtired babies have difficulty falling and staying asleep (This rule of thumb continues as they grow too.) Your new baby has only a couple jobs: eat + sleep = grow. Follow their cues, and let them do their jobs.

Babies Don't "Spoil".

For a newborn, I don’t believe those things exist. My mom said to me when my son was born. “Babies don’t spoil. They aren’t fruit.” She was offering me reassurance that if what my brand new baby needed was to nurse, be rocked, or be worn for sleep that was totally ok. My “boss” says, “If you can’t baby your baby in the newborn stage, when can you?!” As babies get older and their brains start to organize, we can address helping them learn to sleep more independently, but especially right now, we want to get them the sleep they need and keep their stress hormones in check.

Ask For Resources & Accept Support

It takes a village. You are not Wonder Woman because she doesn’t exist. This job was never intended for one person or even two partners to do all alone. Ask for help or, at the very least, accept help when it is offered. If you don’t have the luxury of supportive friends and family nearby, you may need to build your own village but support IS out there. The Center For Confident Parenting & The Confident Parenting Special Needs Collective are great places to start. Our support is virtual, inclusive, judgment-free and comes from Moms still very much in the trenches.

With Love,

Amelia & the Confident Parenting Team

You might also be interested in:

4 Newborn Sleep Facts You Want To Know

Container Baby Syndrome: What Is It & How Can You Prevent It?

5 Activities To Practice Wiping Skills

Tue, 15 Aug 2023 20:38:41 GMT

Potty Skills And The Back To School Season; That Means We Are Talking About Wiping.

We have been chatting lately about getting our kiddo’s ready for the back to school season. When we are talking about potty skills and back to school we need to talk about wiping. This is a skill that comes with time and practice, but there are some things that you as the caregiver can do to set your child up for success when they are without you in a school setting.

When I say practice, I do mean literally allowing your child to attempt to wipe on their own. Many children won't wipe thoroughly until age 5 or older so you can then do a secondary wipe to make sure they are actually clean. When you can't, such as when they are at school, be mentally prepared for them to come home with some "skid marks". However, there are more ways for us to practice this skill to help them become thorough sooner rather than later.

Bubble Bath Practice

While your little one is in a bubble bath, put some bubbles on their backside and have them practice wiping it off with a wet washcloth.

Chocolate Syrup Game

Put chocolate syrup on a plate and have your little one practice wiping and folding a paper towel. This gives us a great visual to explain wiping until clean. This silly game is a great way to facilitate conversations about the importance of hygiene.

Balloon Activity

You can tape two balloons to the back or side of a chair to create “cheeks” so to speak. You can then give your child a cloth or a towel to practice the motion of rotating to wipe behind them and the action of getting between them.

Break It Down:

When we break down what wiping is, we can see what skills children need to accomplish the task. Wiping combines trunk rotation with finger articulation. To that end we can also have children participate in activities that target those areas.

Trunk Rotation

A Sit and Spin is a great activity for trunk rotation or having your child turn to throw balls into a container that is behind them.

Finger Articulation

Fine Motor Practice, like coloring, lacing beads playing with blocks.

If you have concerns about your child’s gross motor or fine motor development you can reach out to our friends Play at Home Physical and Occupational Therapy .

You might also be interested in:

5 Do's and Dont's for Smoother Potty Training

4 Surprising Reasons Your Child Isn’t Progressing With Potty-Training

How Long Is This Going To Take? Sleep Learning Edition

Tue, 18 Jul 2023 19:28:00 GMT

Let's Talk About It...

We often speak with parents who are interested in support to tackle improving their baby or child’s sleep habits. These conversations often drift to the question “How long is this going to take?” Which often translates to, “I am willing to try something for 10 minutes / 1 night / insert your fantasy timeframe here.” If we frame the sleep learning process like any other learning process, you will better understand why it is hard for us to say exactly how long it will take your child to practice and master a new way to sleep.

Like learning to walk, some children catch on incredibly quickly and others take their time. It is unlikely, even for the most adaptable child, to undo months and years of habits in ten minutes or one night. Your child’s temperament and the approach you choose to take will dictate how slowly or rapidly progress is made as well as how linear progress feels.

Many families see results within just a few nights and others, who choose to make very gradual changes, take several weeks to achieve the same goals. Additionally, things such as physical and cognitive leaps, teething, and illness can all delay progress and are entirely beyond our control. Think of them as speed bumps…they may slow us down but we will still get where we are going.

One of the most important things you can do before approaching the sleep learning process is get your own head in the game. If your expectations are not aligned with what your child's process might look like, you/they will not get through it. Here are 3 things to consider before you dive in:

Sleep Learning is a PROCESS. Make sure you take some time to set your child up for success by taking time to assess the timing of sleep and the routine leading up to sleep, as well as giving adequate time for your child to adjust to this new process. Many families will see some level of improvement within 4-7 days/nights of implementing their plan consistently.

Comfort starts at home. Meaning, if your kiddo hasn't had enough time to grasp the concept and feel comfortable with it AT HOME with their parent(s)/caregiver(s), it is highly unlikely they will be able to be successful if we change the scenario, for example, by heading on vacation or totally changing the sleep routine or environment.

Adjusting your mindset to reflect reasonable expectations and knowing that "reasonable" varies from child to child-will set you and your kiddo up for a smoother experience as well as success.

The next question that often comes up is Do families meet their goals within the 4 weeks included in the consultation with follow up support?

In most cases, yes. For some families it is more time than they need to reach their goals, in which case we use the remaining time to look ahead to impending schedule changes and how to handle potential setbacks such as teething, illness, travel, etc.

Families who don’t quite achieve their goals in the allotted time are usually those who choose to make sleep changes super gradually, a process which takes longer than average timelines. In that case, families can choose to continue with their sleep plan on their own or purchase and utilize additional support as needed using our returning family options.

Need help to approach the sleep learning process? Reach out!

You might also be interested in:

Do I Need To Sleep Train My Baby?

5 Things To Do Before Diving Into Sleep Training

Which Sleep Training Method Is Best? 3 Ways To Decide

4 Reasons Sleep Training Isn't Working For Your Baby

Potty-Training and Water Activities: 3 Things To Consider

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 20:46:45 GMT

Are You Considering Potty-Training This Summer?

Summer is in full swing, which means many families are enjoying some fun in the sun and time by the water. It also means that many families are considering potty-training. While we can work on potty-training at any time of the year, the combination of warm weather and approaching preschool deadlines has this at the forefront of many parents' minds. So what happens when you are potty-training and you have water activities planned? We have some thoughts!

#1 Take time at home with minimal distractions to focus on potty-training.

We want to give your kiddo time at home, in their comfort zone to focus on this major change. We want to avoid diving into potty-training just before leaving for vacation or when your kiddo has to be at camp next week. Most children will need 2-4 days at home to grasp the concept and reduce their accident rate, followed by several weeks of short outings close to home to master the skill and become accident free.

#2 Avoid Water activities until you are confident in your child’s ability to remain accident free.

As we have discussed, giving your kiddo time to process this change and learn this skill in a familiar and stable environment is the most important part of this process. Another key element to success is remaining consistent. When we start potty-training, it is best for us to remove diapers/pull ups from the picture (at least for waking hours) completely. It is extremely difficult for many children to learn and accept how to do something in a new way (going in the potty) while they are actively participating in the old way (going in diapers/pull ups), this includes swim diapers.

#3 Use the swim diaper only for getting in the water.

If you need to go to a water activity shortly after potty-training and are concerned about the potential for accidents or your kiddo is in a facility that requires some kind of swim diaper for any reason, put one on only for their time in the water. You can change them into the swim diaper when you arrive at the facility and just before getting into the water. (Swim diapers are designed to catch solids but do not hold liquid so we don’t want to utilize them when you are traveling to the pool or beach anyway.) After leaving the water, stop at the potty to try and remove the swim diaper before putting on dry clothes.

Need help to approach to troubleshoot the process? Reach out!

You might also be interested in:

4 Surprising Reasons Your Child Isn’t Progressing With Potty-Training

Self-Care For Selfless Moms

Mon, 15 May 2023 13:40:33 GMT

If your impression of self-care includes spa days and affirmations, Jackie Rogers is here to offer a different perspective. Read on for more practical self-care tips.

Your Current Self-Care Routine

You struggle to find a moment for yourself between work and carpooling to extracurriculars. Because your family’s needs take priority over your own, self-care feels like just another thing to add to your to-do list. You find yourself in the same pattern over and over again: swinging between ravenous and uncomfortably full. Each time you promise yourself that you’ll start fresh again, but that requires you to follow restrictive food rules that deny your satisfaction. You’re tired of feeling anxious about food and ashamed of your body but you don’t know any other way.

Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked

Constantly worrying about nutrition, you spend lots of time, money, and energy on false promises of a future (perfect) you. You hate dieting and are ready to embrace Intuitive Eating but you’re also scared of gaining weight or becoming unhealthy. At least having rules to follow removes some of the confusion about what, when, and how much to eat.

On A Hamster Wheel

Your thoughts and beliefs about food have been shaped by so many different sources like the media, doctor, school, grandma, and your mom-friends. If there were a prescriptive way of eating that could make you feel healthy, strong, and powerful, you would’ve found it by now. Dieting disconnects you from your body’s internal cues of hunger, fullness, and satisfaction. When you place rules on nourishing your body adequately, your inner rebel is bound to come out. All plans for eating mindfully disappear and you’re left thinking, ‘ What’s wrong with me?!’ once again. The problem isn’t your diet, it’s the thoughts you have about food and your body.

Food And Your Body Aren't The Problem

Food and your body were never the problem to begin with. The problem is that women are socialized to:

1. Think their appearance represents their self-worth

2. Sacrifice their wants and needs for everyone else’s

Women are taught that a good mom takes responsibility for everyone and everything, and puts everyone else before themselves. This programming only creates resentful women who feel burned out.

Before you swing to the other side of the pendulum, the solution is not to abandon all roles and responsibilities! That’s black and white thinking (a very popular tendency among dieters). There’s a way to find a fair compromise and to do so intentionally.

Baby Steps To Self-Care

Have you ever heard the analogy, ‘You need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you’? Your family needs you to prioritize YOU first. In other words, it is not selfish to put your well-being and happiness at the top of your list. Your children especially need a good example of a woman who honors her authenticity.

Don’t know where to start? Here are some powerful questions to ask yourself:

If everything were the way I wanted it to be, how are all the ways I would prioritize myself?

Why am I not currently doing that?

What is one thing I can do today to bring me closer to prioritizing myself?

At first you’ll feel uncomfortable setting boundaries because you’re used to worrying about how others will react. Your lizard brain wants acceptance from the tribe because that ensures your survival. But belonging to a tribe begins with accepting yourself first. Try reframing the discomfort as a good sign that you’re outgrowing your comfort zone! Remember your intention to set a good example for your children? You get to define what it means to be a ‘good mom’, no one else.

Self-Care That Isn't Superficial

Our relationship to food and our bodies parallels our relationship to every other aspect of life. Remember, the world treats us externally how we treat ourselves internally. When we learn how to meet our needs physically, mentally, and emotionally, it reminds us and those around us of our inherent worthiness. We’re able to look in the mirror and genuinely say, ‘You are a rockstar mom just the way you are!’

If you’re with me in theory but struggling to envision this new reality, I invite you to fill out an application for 1:1 Nutrition Coaching. Together we’ll challenge the rules, beliefs, and thoughts you have so you can redefine what self-care looks like for you. And if you haven’t already, join my like minded Community of moms raising intuitive eaters.

Thank You to Jackie Rogers for this Guest Post

4 Childhood Obesity Myths Debunked

Sun, 30 Apr 2023 15:12:16 GMT

I Thought Childhood Obesity Was A Health Concern?

While I use the word ‘obesity’ in this blog post, I am generally not supportive of this term. Read on to understand why.

‘There is more evidence than ever that obesity treatment in children is safe and effective.’ – American Academy of Pediatrics

This is outrageous.

If you haven’t heard already, The American Academy of Pediatrics recently released a comprehensive guideline on evaluating and treating children and adolescents with obesity.

The guidelines include:

Higher weight kids, ages 2 and up, be referred for weight management (‘intensive health behavior and lifestyle treatment’)

Kids over 12 can be suggested weight loss medications

Kids over 13 can be referred for bariatric surgery

It might seem like common knowledge that fat is bad and responsible for every health concern under the sun. But a lot of that narrative is distorted and false. Read on to debunk 4 childhood obesity myths.

Myth #1: Childhood Obesity Treatment is Safe, Effective & Successful

Each body has a unique ‘set point’ weight that it functions its best at. Studies have shown that 95% of weight lost is regained within 2-5 years. There are physical and emotional risks for children who are put on weight loss drugs or undergo weight loss surgery because they are still developing. Not only that, but metabolic and bariatric surgeries are hardly ‘safe and effective’. Potential risks include:

Acid reflux
Anesthesia-related risks
Chronic nausea and vomiting
Dilation of esophagus
Inability to eat certain foods
Infection
Obstruction of stomach
Weight gain or failure to lose weight
Dumping syndrome, a condition that can lead to symptoms like nausea and dizziness
Low blood sugar
Malnutrition
Vomiting
Ulcers
Bowel obstruction
Hernias

Myth #2 Cardiovascular Disease & Type 2 Diabetes Are Caused By Childhood Obesity

Correlation does not equal causation. These associations are correlations at best. People of all sizes are affected by cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes. They’re predominantly genetic conditions. As a matter of fact, obese people with cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes have greater longevity than their thinner counterparts. Repeated weight loss and regain is what’s usually the cause of these conditions. A single round of weight fluctuation may damage blood vessels and raise the risk of cardiovascular disease, independent of body weight.

When it comes to diabetes, research shows that any initial improvements attributed to weight loss deteriorate after 6-18 months. T ype 2 diabetes can be improved or reversed with changes to nutrition and/or activity habits whether weight loss happens or not.

Myth #3 Weight Loss Improves Health

Diet and exercise only account for 15% of a person’s health outcomes. Stress management, living in a marginalized body, and access to quality medical care and education are some of the other contributing factors.

Referring to obesity as a disease supports body hierarchy, pathologizes bodies that don’t measure up to societal ideals, and leads to weight stigma. Weight stigma affects people in larger bodies physically, psychologically, and socially including contributing to disordered eating and eating disorders. Intentional weight loss is stressful. And if stress affects our health outcomes more than body size, suggesting weight loss is not the health-promoting flex society thinks it is.

Myth #4 Childhood Obesity Is A Disease

The term ‘obesity’ is determined from the BMI scale . The BMI was developed by a Belgian astronomer and statistician in 1832. It was never meant to be used as a measurement of health. It’s based on mostly white, middle- to upper-class European males’ weight and height. Which means it doesn’t take into account ethnic diversities in body composition.Even though the scale doesn’t consider age, sex, body size, fat distribution, or behaviors and lifestyle, doctors use it today to measure health. Insurance, pharmaceutical, and weight loss industries profit off of the supposed ‘obesity epidemic’ we’re supposed to be concerned about.

What's The Solution?

Privileges like freedom from prejudice, access to quality nutrition, and environmental safety are unfortunately not accessible to everyone. Changing structural systems that influence obesity like racism, socioeconomic, and environmental factors are where public health should be focused.

Educating ourselves on the dangers of fatphobia is our individual responsibility. If you’re ready to adopt a weight neutral mindset, consider filling out an application for 1-1 nutrition coaching . Together we’ll deprogram diet culture from your brain so you can show respect to your body and others.

Thank You to Jackie Rogers for this Guest Post

4 Surprising Reasons Your Child Isn't Progressing with Potty Training

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 22:23:33 GMT

Has your child's potty learning process stalled or failed?
Here are four possible reasons and their solutions...

As potty-training coaches, we help families approach and navigate this learning process every day. Often though, families are reaching out, not to approach the process, but to troubleshoot why it has stalled or failed, after months (and sometimes years!) of effort. If your child is well into the potty learning process but making little to no progress, consider four common, but often overlooked, reasons and their solutions.

The Problem: Too Many Layers

Many families present potty learning to their child while they are wearing a diaper, a pull-up, or pants and underwear. While this is logical and will, in theory, will catch accidents. In reality, this approach may make it harder for your child to learn and/or willingly accept a new way to go. It is a big ask to be wearing the “security blanket” they have known and relied on for years but expected to no longer use it, in favor of something “unknown”. Additionally, each layer of clothing may cause your child to be less in tune to their bodily sensations, masking the urge to go, and offering an illusion of privacy that is hard to resist, leading your kiddo to pee and/or poop in their clothes.

The Solution: Ditch diapers and pull-ups altogether, at least when your child is awake (for children 4 and older, ditching them entirely may be necessary.) Take a step back in the clothing layers until they are mostly accident free. Many children learn best when they are naked from the waist down while others do well with loose short or pants but no underwear. Think of clothing in levels and your goal is to let them master one level or layer at a time.

The Problem: Lack of Privacy

Moving your bowels is a private function and the muscles involved respond to emotion, especially with poop. If your child is feeling anxious or vulnerable without that security blanket of a diaper or pull-up, that is normal and understandable. Some will get over it in time while others need that security blanket feel to be replaced until the novelty wears off.

The Solution: Place the potty nearby for easy access but behind something like a couch, recliner or door. If they have a favorite spot where they hid to poop previously, place it there. Have a large towel or blanket on hand and show your child how to wrap it around themselves to “hide” if they need to, while sitting on the potty or toilet. Some children need physical touch, like a bear hug, to relax while others need you to make yourself scarce. Get them situated on the potty or toilet and then say something like, “Now where is my phone? Be right back?” Then step away so they can do their thing. When in doubt, ask, “Do you want me to sit right here or wait outside the door?” You can even create a potty house like Bernadette did for her kiddos! Your goal is to offer the privacy they need to relax and release in this less familiar scenario.

The Problem: Too Much Hassle

We’re talking about perceived hassle, from your child’s point of view. Think about it. The gig they had going on with diapers and pull-ups was pretty sweet! They didn’t have to pay attention to their body, stop what they were doing, or leave the action and go to another room. Now, they have to do ALL those things, all day long. It may not seem like a fair trade or a trade they have any desire to make.

The Solution: Look for ways to bring the hassle factor down. Instead of expecting them to travel to the bathroom (yes, even if it is super close by!), offer a potty wherever they are just for now. Rather than having them sit at set timed intervals, watch for signs they clearly need to go and prompt them to sit then. However, watch how you prompt! Don’t constantly ask if they need to go (the answer will always be no!) Instead, make a statement, combined with a choice so they feel in charge. For example, “It’s time to pee. Do you want to sit on the potty or the toilet?” Or, “Do you want to sit in one minute or two minutes?” Do the wiping for them just for now and skip handwashing when you feel it is appropriate or use sanitizer. Your goal is to make this new way of going feel just as easy as the old way, or as close as we can get.

The Problem: Constipation

I know what you’re thinking… ”There is NO WAY my child is constipated! They go every day (or more!) and don’t strain or complain of belly pain.” Research shows that constipation is the #1 cause of bedwetting and accidents and a child can be severely and chronically constipated, without any belly pain or anything palpable on exam and even when they are pooping regularly. Think of constipation not in terms of how often a child poops, but in terms of whether there is a backup of poop in the colon and rectum. When that is the case, the rectum stretches and becomes desensitized, causing poop to drop out unexpectedly and a child to not feel the urge to go. This in turn causes more poop to back up and the cycle continues. Not to mention this blockage presses on, and sometimes even flattens, the bladder, causing daytime and nighttime pee accidents.

The Solution: This one is a bit more complicated and should be discussed with a medical professional. An abdominal X-ray can confirm a blockage which can be resolved with one or a combination of treatments such as laxatives, suppositories or enemas. While that sounds scary (and traumatic!) to most parents, so is going about your day with a body full of poop and the drama of accidents at home and school and the strain it puts on a family. Finding the right product(s) and dosing to clear your child’s blockage and help their body recover will likely take some trial and error. A word of caution – you may encounter resistance from your child’s doctor and, if so, will need to advocate for them on this issue or seek out a specialist and/or second opinion.

Determining the hidden cause of your child’s potty struggles is the key to progress. More importantly, it’s the key to reaching a day when you can stop thinking about pee and poop! If your family needs support in this regard, our potty team is here to help.

Help! My Preschooler Has Zero Interest in Potty Training

Wed, 12 Apr 2023 23:12:27 GMT

"I mean, if he isn't interested, he isn't ready...right?"

As with all things parenting, there is much debate surrounding when a child should be ready to potty train and what “readiness” even looks like. I mean, if they aren’t interested, they aren’t ready, right? As Oh Crap Potty Training Certified Consultants, we help families answer this question on a daily basis and here is a thought to consider:

Your Child May Never Be Interested or “Ready”

Yep, we said that. You might be waiting for your child to get excited and stay excited about the process but, in my experience, some never will be. There are those kids who love imitating and pleasing you and there are the button pushers. They like to push yours and assert themselves whenever possible. While this distinction is often related to temperament and personality, it can be age related as well. Younger toddlers tend to take more pleasure in copying whomever they look up to and making you proud while kiddos three years and up are typically looking to please less and assert themselves more. In that case, waiting longer may work against, rather than for you, in this regard.

Aside from a case of the “NO!”s, look at this from your child’s point of view. Their current setup of diaper or pull up is a pretty sweet deal . They don’t have to think about needing to go, stop what they are doing, or leave the room. Even better, you handle the mess! They can just drop it wherever and whenever and go about playing. You can imagine the lack of excitement when they realize that potty-training turns that all upside down. They now have to think about it often, stop what they are doing and go to another location to do their business. It’s a lot of steps that take away from their “job” of playing -not a fun trade off to a preschool brain.

Not to mention the security blanket aspect of it all. T heir diaper (or a pull up) has been wrapped around their body for several years and is very familiar. It is human nature to cling to the familiar and balk at change. For many kiddos, there will never be enough excitement surrounding potty training to give that security up willingly. So, if you have an older child, one who isn’t so keen to please, and/or one who really loves the security of the familiar, you may be waiting for an interest and readiness that never materializes.

So where does that leave you and your kiddo? Right back at zero interest most likely but don’t despair. You can decide that, instead of interest or readiness, you are looking for capability. Is my child capable of learning the steps involved with this process? If so, you can decide that it is time to take that step. There are likely many things your child has had to adapt to that wouldn’t be their first choice. Thinking of an example you can relate this to may help you wrap your head around it.

For example, my 3 year old was not ready to go to preschool. He had massive separation anxiety and drop off was a nightmare at first. However, I didn’t say, “Never mind. I’ll wait until you’re more into it.” It was time to take this necessary step and I knew he would adapt with time and practice. So, we created little rituals to make it predictable and ease the anxiety and practiced until it became the new normal. Would he have ever willingly have given up being home with me 100% of the time? No way. Was he capable of learning to be away from me for short periods with support? Absolutely.

Find your comparison and decide when it is time to support your toddler or preschooler through the learning process of where to put their business. And, if you need help to decide how to present it to them and what that support will look like, reach out!

You might also be interested in these articles:

How Do I Know if My Child is Ready?

5 Things to Consider Before Potty-Training

How Do I Know if My Child is Ready?

If you need support to approach or troubleshoot potty-training, our team is here to help!

5 Do's and Dont's for Smoother Potty-Training

Wed, 12 Apr 2023 18:52:21 GMT

Our team has compiled a list of the top five things to avoid (and what to do instead!) when potty-training your toddler or preschooler..

As potty-training consultants, we help families approach and navigate the potty-learning process every day. While there isn’t necessarily a “right” or “wrong” way to approach the process that will work for every child, there are things you can do that can become stumbling blocks for many of the children we’ve worked with. Some children can progress no matter how you present it to them while others are much more specific. Our team has compiled a list of five very common obstacles to learning that you can address if you’ve already begun, or avoid if you are about to dive in…

#1 Don't: Train While Wearing Diapers, Pull-Ups or Underwear

Many families present potty learning to their child while they are wearing a diaper, a pull-up, or pants and underwear. This may feel logical to you and may help keep your house cleaner. To your child however, this approach may make it harder to learn and/or willingly accept this new way to go. It is a BIG ask to be wearing the “security blanket” they have known and relied on 24/7 for years but to be expected not to use it, in favor of something “unknown”. Much like putting dinner and dessert on their plate and expecting them to make the choice to eat dinner first.

Additionally, underwear may feel very similar to a diaper or pull-up, causing your child to be less in tune to their bodily sensations, masking the urge to go, and offering an illusion of privacy that is hard to resist, leading your kiddo to pee and/or poop in what they are wearing. Jumping straight to it before any learning has happened may be too much too soon.

Do: Instead, consider ditching diapers and pull-ups altogether, at least when your child is awake. (For children 3.5 and older, ditching them even from sleep hours is often necessary. Check out our tips for preserving sleep here. ) In addition, take a step back in the clothing layers until they are mostly accident free. Many children learn best when they are naked from the waist down, for at least the first few days, while others do well with loose short or pants but no underwear. Think of clothing in levels and make it your goal is to let them master one level or layer at a time.

#2 Don't: Make it a Hassle (For Your Child)

We’re talking about perceived hassle, from your child’s point of view. Think about it: The gig they had going on with diapers and pull-ups was a sweet one! They didn’t have to pay attention to their body, stop what they were doing, or leave the action and travel to another room. Now, they must do ALL those things, all day long. It may not seem like a fair trade or a trade they have any desire to make. Who can blame them?! This is a particular challenge for kiddos who don’t mind being wet or soiled and those who have FOMO (fear of missing out).

Do: Look for ways to bring the hassle factor down. Instead of expecting them to travel to the bathroom (yes, even if it is super close by), offer a potty wherever they are just for now. Rather than having them sit at timed and frequent intervals, when they may not even need to, watch for signs they clearly need to go and prompt them then. Additionally, skip any steps you feel you can at first. For example, do the wiping for them just for now and skip handwashing when you feel it is appropriate (pee is sterile!) or use hand sanitizer. If handwashing is a must for you every time, then at least make it fun! Check out Splatz soap for example. Your goal is to make this new way of going feel just as easy as the old way, or as close as we can get.

#3 Don't Ask if They Need to Go

In addition to not prompting too often, consider how you are prompting your child to go. At ages 2 and 3, “No!” is their favorite word, am I right? Don't ask a question you already know the answer to and don't send a message that your child has a choice of whether to use the potty or not. (Don't freak out - we ARE going to offer choices, just not that one.) This is just what we do and where we do it now. Normalize it and exude confidence about the change.

Do: Instead of asking a question, make a statement, "It's time to pee/poo/potty", combined with a choice, so they feel in charge. We are taking a choice away from them and they want to assert themselves and have some ownership in this process. So, allow them to have some say over when and where they go. Here are some examples:

“It’s time to potty. Do you want to sit in one minute or two minutes?” (Set a timer according to their choice.)

“It’s potty time! Do you want to sit on the potty or the toilet?”

“It looks like you need to poop on the potty. Do you want a piggyback ride, or should I fly you like an airplane?”

"Sure. When you put pee in the potty, then we can (insert whatever your child just asked to do, eat or have.) Let me know when you are ready/done/need help."

The point is that YOU are still in control of the choices and/or in control of putting other things on hold until your child is ready to make a choice.

#4 Don't: Forget to Offer "Privacy"

Moving your bowels is a private function and, much like labor, the muscles involved respond to emotion. This is especially true with respect to poop. If your child is feeling anxious or vulnerable without the security blanket of a diaper or pull-up, that is normal and understandable. (Imagine how you would feel if you had to stand on the couch and poop!) Some children will get over it in time while others will need that security blanket feeling to be substituted until the novelty of this new way to go wears off.

Do: Place the potty nearby for easy access but behind something like a couch, recliner or door. If they have a favorite spot where they hid to poop previously, consider placing the potty there. Have a large towel or blanket on hand and drape it across their legs or show your child how to wrap it around themselves to “hide” if they need to, while sitting on the potty or toilet. Some children need physical touch, like a bear hug or hand holding, to relax while others need you to make yourself scarce. Get them situated on the potty or toilet and then say something like, “Now where is my phone? I’ll be right back.” Then step away so they can do their thing. When in doubt, ask, “Do you want me to sit right here or wait outside the door?” Your goal is to offer the privacy they need to relax and release in this less familiar scenario. Check out some fun privacy options from our mini team members in the photos below!

#5 Don't: Solve a Struggle by Giving a Diaper or Pull-Up to Go In

This should be the #1 don’t because of how far it can set your child and the process back. If you are certain your child is ready and/or capable (read more on the difference here ) and have carved out time for the process, fear, drama, and withholding are not a sign that you are wrong or that you should turn back. Solving fear by falling back on diapers and pull-ups may send several mixed messages to your child. This is fear of the new and of the unknown and, in most cases, is solved by supporting them through the fear until they realize there is nothing to be fearful of.

In other cases, we are encountering a strong-willed child who will never move through the process so long as they believe diapers and pull-ups are still an option. They will simply learn to wait longer and get louder, making your attempts harder to navigate. Once this is no longer the lesser of two unequal options, it will be an option your child is totally fine with. We see this day in and day out.

Do: If you encounter fear and drama, think of yourself as a labor coach, supporting your child through “birthing” the poop. Get down on their level, speak in a low, slow voice and let them know you are there to help and their body knows what to do. Keep your vibe cool, casual, and confident. Due to mirror neurons in the brain, your child will reflect what you give off and, if yours is struggling to regulate in this new territory, you may need to regulate for them for now. This is referred to as co-regulation and is an incredibly powerful parenting tool. Speaking of tools, if your child holds their poo long enough that they may become uncomfortable, you can intervene via stool-softening foods added into their diet, supplements like Senna or Magnesium or even suppositories .

If you are struggling with these “do’s” or need support to sort through fear, withholding or constipation, our potty-training team and support team of dietitian nutritionists and occupational therapists are here for you. Learn more at the links below and reach out today!

You might also be interested in these articles:

Help! My Preschooler Has Zero Interest in Potty Training

How Do I Know if My Child is Ready?

If you need support to approach or troubleshoot potty-training, our team is here to help!

Five Things to Consider Before Potty Training

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 17:00:48 GMT

Ready to take the plunge into potty training? Here are five things to consider before you do...

So, you’ve decided your child is ready for potty training and are about to take the plunge? Here are five things to consider before you do...

#1 Is Your Child Well Rested?

Potty training is a major milestone and a learning process. If sleep is a struggle and your toddler is overtired, addressing that first will amount to a smoother process for everyone.

#2 Will You Prepare Your Child in Advance?

Humans tend to need time to prepare for and process changes we didn’t anticipate or initiate, especially changes we don’t care for. From your child’s perspective, the diaper or pull up is like a security blanket that may be hard to let go. So, give some thought to whether and how you will prepare your toddler for going diaper free. For example, counting down on the calendar or pulling out a stack of diapers and starting when the stack is gone. If you have an anxious child, then it may be best to make an announcement the day of instead. As in, “Guess what? Today I’m going to help you learn to use the potty!”

#3 Do You Have Time Carved Out?

This learning process goes most smoothly when we can focus on it in your child's most comfortable environment (home) and without interruptions for work and household tasks, hosting guests, running errands or needing to go to school/daycare. Be sure you have carved out at least 3 days to stay home and, during those days, see if you can recruit extra help for siblings and more. In advance of those days, consider cleaning the house, catching up on laundry, stocking up on groceries and putting an out of office message on your work email to avoid being pulled away.

#4 Will you Offer a Potty?

Many families prefer to avoid using a potty in favor of an insert on the adult toilet. While both can work, keep in mind that your child will have little to no advance warning in that initial stage of the process. So, having to travel to the toilet may lead to more accidents and less success. They will also need assistance, in most cases, to get positioned on the adult toilet. If you want them to be as successful and independent as possible and quickly, having a potty on hand wherever they are in the home will help. Check out our favorite options for home and travel here.

#5 Will you Use a Sleep Diaper?

In most cases you can focus on day training first and continue to put your toddler in a diaper or pull up for sleep, saving night training for down the road. In some instances, a child will begin to wake dry and you can avoid night training all together! In fewer instances, a child will learn to hold their pee and/or poo until they are in the sleep diaper, making day training impossible. Unless your child falls into that latter category, it is fine to focus on day training only at first. I prefer to master that, then make the transition from crib to bed , followed by focusing on nights if needed.

So What's Next?...

You might also be interested in these articles:

Help! My Preschooler Has Zero Interest in Potty Training

5 Things to Consider Before Potty-Training

If you need support to approach or troubleshoot potty-training, our team is here to help!

How Do I Know if My Child is Ready for Potty Training?

Sun, 09 Apr 2023 18:43:07 GMT

Is Your Toddler Ready for Potty Training? Here's How to Know.

As potty training consultant s, we are often asked by parents how to be sure that their child is ready for potty training. If you are wondering the same, here are a few things to consider.

First, shift your mindset from “is my child ready to learn this now?” to “is my child capable of learning this now?” In this learning process, you aren’t training your child to pee or poop – you are simply socializing them in terms of where to put it. To be fair, some kids will never tell or show you that they are ready to give up their super convenient set up of dropping it wherever and whenever in their security blanket of a diaper or pull up. So, asking yourself whether they are capable of, may be better than waiting for them show interest or say, “let’s do this Mom!” Imagine if you waited until your child was ready to go to bed, leave the house for errands or get buckled in the car seat! Sometimes we need to just say it’s time. So, how do you know if your child is capable?

Here are Five Questions to Consider:

*Are they between 20-30 months of age?

There is often a window of opportunity within this age range when they are in a lull from other developmental milestones (learning to walk, talk, etc.) and not working on too much else while still interested in mimicking Mom and Dad and aiming to please. Beyond this window, children go through a process of individualization which means they realize they are separate and distinct from you and begin to assert their free will which can lead to power struggles. Your goal is to capture your child when they are looking to imitate and willing to please and before they take pleasure in pushing ALL your buttons ALL the time!

*Are they well rested?

If your child is still struggling or newly struggling to get the right quantity and quality of sleep, we suggest you address that before embarking on potty training. An overtired child is not in the best position to cooperate or learn and master something new.

*Can they communicate their needs?

Does your child ask for a snack when hungry or a drink when thirsty? This ability to communicate these types of needs will come in handy when they need to go and the diaper or pull up is no longer an option. If your child is non-verbal or has a speech delay there are still ways to communicate the need to go.

*Can they recite the ABC’s?

This, or the ability to recite another song, is an indication that they’ve developed some language skills and can learn by repetition, both of which will be needed in this learning process.

*Do they retreat to a private place to poop?

Hiding to poop indicates that your child knows when they need to go in advance and is beginning to equate pooping with privacy and feeling a bit embarrassed. (It can also be a subtle sign of hidden constipation .) While this is a normal and natural progression, you'll want to begin training when you see this sign of readiness and give your child a socially acceptable solution. If you hesitate you may end up with a 5 year old who forgets to feel embarrassed and doesn’t mind pooping in their pants!

If you answered yes to all or even some of these questions, it may be time to dive in!

Ultimately though YOU need to be convinced that your child is ready. If you aren’t, they may pick up on that uncertain or uncommitted vibe and the process will be messy at best. If you’re entering the process with a sense of fear, panic or dread, your child will quickly pick up on that too. You are not entering a battle or a test of your parenting skills. Rather, you are supporting your child through another developmental milestone. You will know when it’s time (and do not solicit opinions from anyone...especially not your Facebook Mom group!)

If you'd like to approach or troubleshoot the process with support, our team is here to help. Happy pottying!

You might also be interested in these articles:

Help! My Preschooler Has Zero Interest in Potty Training

If you need support to approach or troubleshoot potty-training, our team is here to help!

4 Tips For Dealing With Sensitive Skin During Potty Training

Tue, 04 Apr 2023 22:51:12 GMT

Do you have a kiddo with sensitive skin? Wondering how that might affect the potty training process?

If you are a parent to a kiddo with sensitive skin, you might have some questions about how to keep your little one's skin protected, especially in the early phases of the potty-training process. Here are four tips for dealing with sensitive skin during potty-training:

1. Preventative Tips

While Naked or Naked from the Waist Down: If you know your child has sensitive skin, you’ll want to make sure any place you know they will sit throughout the day will not be harsh on their skin. You could cover harder surfaces (like a plastic chair) with a towel, a blanket, a waterproof pad , or a crib protector pad. We want to be prepared for accidents.

While Commando (Loose Pants Only): Make sure your child’s pants or bottoms do not have tags or rough insides that are bothersome to them. From personal experience, we have found the Old Navy brand children’s clothing to be particularly soft on the inside.

While in Underwear: Now you’ll need to make sure there are no tags or seams in the underwear you introduce that are irritating to your child.

If at any point during the process your child develops dry, itchy or otherwise bothered skin, you’ll want to check in with their pediatrician about how to proceed, but here are some of the tips and tricks we have learned along the way.

2. Lotion

If your child has dry skin you’ll want to make sure they get a nice moisturizing lotion. Two that we like are Nivea or Cerave. If you have a kiddo who isn’t a huge fan of the lotion application process, sometimes using a beauty blender or make up sponge can be a way to make that process more palatable and fun.

3. Bath Time

If you have encountered any skin problem during this process, bath time can usually be a place for soothing. You’ll want to be sure you are using a gentle soap, like Baby Dove (they even make sensitive skin specific wash). We also love Aveeno Oatmeal Bath to soothe that sensitive skin. If you choose to use this product, be cautious about how frequently you use it as it can create drain concerns when overused. If you have breast milk available that you can use for a bath, that is also a soothing option.

4. Irritated Skin

If you have reached a point where your child’s skin is irritated, you’ll want to use something, or in severe cases a combination of things, to keep it protected. This depends on your child’s skin, but some of our favorites are pictured below.

You might also be interested in:

5 Do's and Dont's for Smoother Potty Training

4 Surprising Reasons Your Child Isn’t Progressing With Potty-Training

4 Reasons Sleep Training Isn't Working for Your Baby

Mon, 20 Mar 2023 15:12:54 GMT

If your sleep plan isn't working, here are four things to reevaluate...

Let's be real...changing sleep habits isn't easy. There is no magic trick...the "magic" is in the process. That being said, the process should start to feel easier for your baby, and thus for you, with time, practice and recognition. Most families begin to see improvement within 4-7 nights of introducing a new way to sleep.

What about when the effort to learn a new way to sleep isn't improving? Here are four things to consider when progress is slow or impossible to come by...

#1 Is Baby Too Tired to Learn?

Learning something new is hard, even for adults. If your baby isn't making progress, that could be a sign that the timing of sleep is not an ideal fit . Experiment with getting baby down 10, 20 or even 30 minutes earlier for sleep attempts an notice if that changes anything about their level of upset and/or the duration to get to sleep. Many of the babies we work with are "tricky" babies who hide their tired cues until they can't anymore. By then, they are too tired to practice and master something new.

#2 Is the Sleep Routine Working Against Them?

In order for baby to master this new skill, the steps involved need to make sense to them . Babies thrive on predictability so be sure the routine leading up to baby being put down is calming, takes place in the room they will be sleeping in, and that all caregivers are walking through the same steps in the same order each time. If you're getting baby drowsy and then putting them down, that may be backfiring. Starting to doze in arms and then being transferred can feel like a bait and switch, frustrating baby more than is necessary. Not to mention, if baby dozes off, wakes on transfer and then has to try to doze off again, that may be harder for their brain and body to do again so soon after. Experiment with putting baby down wide awake, rather than drowsy and notice if that changes anything about their level of upset and/or the duration to get to sleep.

#3 Is Baby Confused or Curious?

The ability to predict what will and will not happen is also important for learning. If 1 +1 usually equaled 2 but sometimes equaled 3 and rarely equaled 4, how skilled could you be at math? Similarly, your baby needs to be able to predict what your response will be when they are put down and become upset and when they wake overnight. If you are sometimes going in to offer an assist, offering a variety of assists, or feeding sometimes when they wake but not at other wakings, baby can easily become curious and/or confused. Curiosity and confusion result in baby waking to see what will happen and waiting (and likely crying) longer to determine whether that will yield a different result. Ask yourself whether your approach and responses are predictable at bedtime, overnight and naptime and, if not, consider making an adjustments to address that.

#4 Is Your Approach the Right Fit?

Assuming your timing is right and your responses are consistent, the last thing to consider is your approach. Sometimes the way we, as parents, want to present changes to our baby is not the way they need us to present them. In my personal case, I wanted to be very hands-on so my son wouldn't cry and, especially, wouldn't cry alone. It turned out there was far more crying involved with that scenario, and crying with no end in sight, than there was when I just got out of his way. Help isn't always helpful so be sure to notice whether your efforts to soothe or respond to baby are productive or counterproductive. If your gut is saying the latter, consider using a different approach for four nights, for comparison.

If you've got all these bases covered and are still striking out on progress, we can help!

Which Sleep Training Method is Best? 3 Ways to Decide

Sun, 19 Mar 2023 15:30:08 GMT

Here are our three things to consider so you can choose the "best" approach for your family...

Considering sleep training? Then you’re probably wondering which method to use. To oversimplify things, most methods are a version of one of the following concepts:

* Put baby down awake, walk away and don’t return

* Put baby down awake, walk away but do return at designated, increasing intervals for brief check-ins

* Put baby down awake, remain present with hands-on physical & verbal support, and brief pick-ups if needed, all of which you begin to reduce every few nights

* Put baby down drowsy (do less of whatever typically puts them to sleep such as sucking or rocking), remain present with hands-on physical & verbal support, and brief pick-ups if needed, all of which you begin to reduce every few nights

Assuming you need to sleep train at all and have taken the time to lay a solid foundation for sleep, here are three things to consider when choosing your approach:

Your Parenting Style

For most children, there are several ways to achieve the same goals. If you are planning to change where and how baby falls to sleep or back to sleep, there will likely be some fussing or crying involved . Rather than hoping to prevent that communication, you’ll need to decide how you prefer to support or respond to it. While most of us are familiar with the hands-off, “cry it out” approach, there are strategies that involve returning often to check on and reassure baby or even stay present until baby falls asleep, lessening the amount of touch and verbal support you are offering over time. If supported crying feels more comfortable for you than crying alone, you’ll want to lean toward the latter. The “best” method is the one you can remain consistent with, even in those harder moments, until your child falls asleep in the new way.

Your Timeline

Once you’ve considered what feels most comfortable, you’ll need to weigh that against what your physical, emotional, and mental reserves allow for in terms of the timeline. While a more gradual, hands-on method may allow you to achieve the same goals, it will be more of a time investment – both in each moment and in the big picture. You may be talking about the difference between an approach that yields results within a few nights versus one that takes 2 or more weeks. Be realistic about what you are up for and, if you are at a breaking point, that may need to take priority over your parenting style. Or you may need to recruit your partner or another support person to help you make your desired approach realistic. The “best” method is the one you can remain consistent with, for as long as it takes in the big picture, until you reach your desired goal(s).

Your Child’s Temperament

So far, we’ve focused on factors that are up to you, the parent. One factor we can’t control, however, is your child’s temperament. While there are usually several ways to get to the same place, not all children respond to all methods. For example, if you want to be very hands-on, but your child simply can’t fall asleep with you present due to overstimulation or perceives your presence as a tease, your approach will feel counterproductive. The method we as parents want to use is not always the method our child needs us to use. That was my experience with my son – I was essentially getting in his way! The “best” method is the one your child can understand, accept, and make progress with.

Is My Method The “Best” Method?

The good news is that you have options. There is little value in choosing a strategy or timeline that you can’t see through or one that doesn’t improve from night to night. Start where you feel comfortable and remain consistent for at least four nights. Notice how night four compares to night one – if you are seeing improvement in your child’s response and/or the duration to get to sleep, stay on that track. If you are seeing no improvement, you may need to reevaluate your approach. If you need support to determine the best fit for your family, we can help!

This is part of our sleep learning series. You may also want to read:

Do I Need to Sleep Train My Baby?

Does Changing Sleep Habits Mean My Baby Has to Cry?

5 Things to Do Before Sleep Training

Four Reasons Sleep Training Isn't Working for Your Baby

How To Transition Your Toddler From Breastmilk or Formula To Whole Milk

Sat, 18 Mar 2023 01:40:22 GMT

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and owner of The Knowledge To Nourish, Jackie Rogers shares tips on how to transition your baby from breastmilk or formula to whole milk...

You and baby have made it one year – hooray! With this newly achieved milestone, your baby (now toddler) might be ready to transition from breastmilk or formula to whole cow’s milk. And you’re probably thinking, “How the heck do I do this?!” I know it can be challenging to transition into new routines, so in this blog post, I’m going to discuss everything you need to know about transitioning your child from breast milk or formula to whole milk.

When To Start The Transition

The AAP Recommendations

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that babies should receive breastmilk or formula exclusively for the first six months of their lives and then gradually be introduced to solid foods. Once your baby turns one year old (or thereabouts), they can be introduced to whole cow’s milk and wean off breastfeeding or bottle-feeding.

Around 12 Months Of Age Is Safe

In general, it is safe to transition to whole cow’s milk at 12 months old (just not before then). Around a baby’s first birthday, his intestines have matured more and he can properly digest cow’s milk. Prior to this time, large amounts of cow’s milk can cause intestinal bleeding. Also, the kidneys are not mature enough to handle the protein and mineral load before 12 months of age.

Their Diets Are Usually Evolving Around 12 Months Of Age

Another reason why it’s recommended to transition around 12 months of age is because children are usually eating a variety of table foods by this time, so their diets change from relying primarily on breast milk and/or formula for their nutrition to a variety of table foods with the addition of cow’s milk and other dairy products.

There Isn't One "Best" Time For All Children

This transition doesn’t have to be at 12 months on the dot as each child develops and progresses with milestones at their own pace. If your child had a slower start with solids and is still working up to big kid meals and snacks, you can wait a bit longer to make the transition to whole milk. Talk to your pediatrician to figure out if your child seems ready to transition or needs the nutrition from breastmilk or formula a little while longer. The appropriate time to switch is when your child accepts a variety of table foods from each food group and is eating three meals a day plus snacks in between. That can be a better rule of thumb than relying solely on the child’s age.

Pro tip: If you decide to wait to make the switch, you can start working on offering expressed breast milk or formula in a cup at eating times rather than a bottle.

How To Start The Transition

Look For The Window Of Opportunity

It can help to think of the transition as an adding-on process rather than a taking-away process. You actually started weaning when you introduced solid foods. And as your child gradually becomes more and more interested in eating a variety of foods at meal and snack times, they will become less interested in nipple-feedings. When you notice this decreased interest in nipple-feedings, that is the window of opportunity to wean.

Transition Gradually

One you notice the window of opportunity, you can gradually replace nipple-feedings with other sources of nourishment (including whole milk). For example, you might start by replacing one daytime nipple feeding with a snack of crackers, fruit, and whole milk in a cup (preferably in an open-faced cup or a straw cup). Continue to gradually decrease nipple feedings, and replace them with meals/snacks. If you do this in the window of opportunity, it won’t be such a struggle or process of depriving your child of something they hold so near and dear to them.

Key Point To Remember

Remember that you’re not replacing breast milk/formula with whole cow’s milk alone. You’re replacing breast milk/formula with a variety of foods from each food group which includes whole milk and milk-based products like cheese and yogurt. So whole milk should never go in the bottle. It should be offered in a cup alongside other foods.

Tips For A Smooth Transition

Some toddlers like whole cow’s milk right away (like my daughter), and others not so much (like my son). Here are tips to make the transition go smoothly:

1. Introduce The Cup Gradually

Start by offering water to your child in a small open-faced cup like this one or a straw cup like this one . Once they are comfortable with water in the cup, you can start offering whole milk in the cup.

*Pro-tip: You can actually start practicing drinking water from an open-faced cup when you introduce solid foods around 6 months of age.

2. Start With A Small Amount

When you first introduce whole milk, offer a small amount, such as 2-4 ounces, in a cup with their regular meals. This will give them time to adjust to the taste and texture of whole milk. If they don’t take to it right away, don’t worry. Just keep offering it without pressure or coercion to drink it.

3. Mix It Up

You can mix breast milk/formula with whole milk to help your toddler gradually get used to the taste of whole milk. Start with a small amount of whole milk (¼ of the total volume) and the rest breastmilk/formula (¾ of the volume). For example, if you want to offer 4 ounces total, mix together 1 ounce of whole milk and 3 ounces of breast milk or formula. Gradually increase the amount of whole milk and decrease the amount of breast milk/formula until your baby is drinking all whole milk.

4. Offer Variety

You can offer different cups to see if one of them is more comfortable or exciting to your child. Just keep in mind that pediatric dentists and feeding therapists recommend open-faced cups and straw cups over sippy cups.

5. Be Patient

It may take some time for your toddler to adjust to the taste and texture of whole milk, so be patient, keep offering it, and wait. Don’t push it – that will turn it into something she wants to avoid. If your child doesn’t seem interested in whole milk, you can try offering it at different times of the day or mixed into other foods like a smoothie, oatmeal, or milk-soaked cheerios. But mostly, just be patient as your child gets used to it.

6. Monitor Your Toddlers Reaction

Anytime you introduce a new food or drink, always monitor your child’s reaction to ensure they are tolerating it well. If they experience any digestive issues or symptoms indicative of an allergic reaction such as diarrhea, vomiting, or rashes, talk to your pediatrician to rule out any underlying health issues.

How Much Cow's Milk Does My One Year Old Need Per Day?

The Guidelines

Children between the ages of one and two need about 2 servings of whole milk dairy per day.

The dairy group includes milk, yogurt, cheese, and calcium-fortified soy beverages.

One serving is equivalent to 1 cup of milk or yogurt, 1 ½ ounces of natural cheese, 2 ounces of processed cheese, or ⅓ cup of shredded cheese.

An Example Of What This Might Look Like

For a one year old, this might look like 4 ounces of whole milk at breakfast, 4 ounces of yogurt with a snack, 2-3 tablespoons of shredded cheddar cheese with lunch, and 4 ounces of whole milk with dinner. This is just to give you an idea, not to encourage you to measure out portion sizes (you don’t need to do that!).

Their intake will vary day-to-day. Some days they will eat more and other days they will eat less. If you offer these foods regularly and let their appetite guide them, it will balance out over time and they will get the amount they need.

Milk And The Risks Of Iron Deficiency Anemia

One thing to keep in mind is that drinking more milk than eating solid foods can lead to iron deficiency anemia. Sometimes kids would rather fill up on milk than eat solid foods. If you think your child is in this category, you may want to offer milk less often to encourage intake of other solid foods including iron-rich foods to avoid iron deficiency anemia.

In conclusion, transitioning your toddler from nipple feedings of breast milk/formula to whole milk in a cup plus a varied diet is an important milestone in their development. By following these tips, you can help your child make a smooth transition.

5 Things to Do Before Diving Into Sleep Training

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 15:03:33 GMT

Changing How Your Baby Sleeps? Consider These 5 Things First...

If you’re considering changing how your baby sleeps, here are five things to make sure you have in place, to ensure a smoother process.

#1 Consider Your Reason(s)

First things first, determine whether you need to make sleep changes at all . Sleep learning is a process that often involves frustration and some tears. When the going gets tough, you’ll need to be clear on your “why”, to avoid trying something new but then falling back on the old in a moment of “Things aren’t really that bad. I can just keep doing this a bit longer.” Make sure you are ready for change and convinced it is necessary.

#2 Create a Sleep Conducive Environment

As baby leaves the newborn stage and the brain continues to develop, their ability to sleep anywhere and everywhere leaves too. You now have a very alert, aware little human who doesn’t want to miss anything. That older baby brain needs a consistent space that is designated for and conducive to sleep, day and night. Meaning, don’t expect baby to learn a new way to sleep if sleep is happening in the main area of the home or in different places all the time. And don’t have their first experience in their room or crib be the first time you introduce a new way to sleep.

Take the time now, before making bigger changes to establish a familiar sleep space that is dark, quiet and separate from the main area. White noise is fine but be sure it remains on for the duration of sleep. Also be sure it is too dark, even at naptime at the brightest point of the day, to read the words on a page. Even if baby is falling asleep on you right now, start heading into that room to do so and start transferring them to their crib at least once a day, making both familiar and getting one step closer to your bigger goal.

#3 Create a Predictable Routine

Your alert, aware baby now also needs support -and time - to transition from play time to sleep time. If feeding/rocking/holding/bouncing ARE the routine right now, and you plan to change that, take the time to create other predictable steps you can walk through before every nap and every bedtime. Be sure to walk through these steps in the same room baby will be sleeping in.

If, for example, you plan to stop nursing to sleep, take the time to introduce other steps that can remain in place once nursing moves up in the routine or out of it entirely. For example, you might turn on the white noise, change diaper and jammies, read a book(s) and sing a song(s) before nursing. When the time for bigger changes comes, you can move nursing out of the room or make it step one in the room, leaving the other steps in place to help baby wind down.

#4 Determine Ideal Sleep Timing

This is the big one parents! Sleep timing is far less critical when we are assisting baby to sleep and back to sleep. However, if you are considering having baby learn to do that more independently, ideal sleep timing will ensure their ability to learn and to cope with as minimal effort and drama as possible. If your baby appears hyper or wired, goes from “0-60” or from happy and fine to melting down, or can’t make it through their sleep routine or their feed without falling asleep, your timing may need to tighten up a bit. Experiment with getting baby down sooner for each sleep attempt and notice how soon is too soon and what timing is just right . Then you’ll be armed with that important information when you are ready to put baby down in a new way.

#5 Weigh & Decide on Your Approach and Timeline

Once you have all the above in place, its time to choose your approach . There is more than one way to help baby learn to sleep more independently, ranging from hands-on and gradual to hands-off and abrupt and everything in between. Choosing an approach that you can remain consistent with is key. You’ll also need to consider your timeline – are you introducing changes at bedtime only for now? Bedtime and overnight? Bedtime, overnight and naps all at once? You’ll want to strike a balance of moving toward your goals without being overly ambitious to the point of not being able to see your plan through. If you need support to learn about your options and create a plan that is just the right fit, we can help!

This is part of our sleep learning series. You may also want to read:

Do I Need to Sleep Train My Baby?

Does Changing Sleep Habits Mean My Baby Has to Cry?

Which Sleep Training Method is Best?

Four Reasons Sleep Training Isn't Working for Your Baby

Do I Need to Sleep Train my Baby?

Tue, 14 Mar 2023 18:30:11 GMT

It may depend on who you ask, but here are three things to consider so you can answer that for yourself...

As sleep consultants we receive this question fairly often. Our quick answer? No. No one ever has to sleep train their baby. Of course, if you are asking this question, there is probably a reason, and that reason likely requires a more detailed answer. So, here are three things to consider so you can answer that question for yourself:

Why are you Considering Sleep Training?

Sometimes the answer is as simple as “I’ve heard that I should.” Well intentioned friends and family members may be sharing their opinion or experience and you may feel pressured to change where and how sleep happens. However, if sleep is working for you, there is no reason you need to make changes and there is no magical window that will close, making it impossible to make those changes down the road. Keep doing what is working and, if it stops working, reevaluate.

How is Sleep Going for Everyone?

If your current sleep scenario is getting everyone an ideal quality and quantity of sleep and feels both functional and sustainable, great! We have nothing to say about something that is working for you. However, if your partner is banished to the couch or you feel “stuck” in survival mode or are reaching a breaking point , not so great. If baby is waking so frequently that they are a hot mess, well that is no fun either. In those latter scenarios, you may want to consider shifting from surviving to thriving, or at least something in between, and that may require changing where and how baby sleeps.

What Are Your Sleep Goals?

Even if you decide change is necessary for those reasons, sleep training is fortunately not the one and only solution. Perhaps you can enlist help from your partner for one or more overnight feeds via bottle or to soothe baby back to sleep following a feed(s) at the breast. Or consider paid help from a postpartum doula. An uninterrupted block of at least 4 hours of sleep each night will really support your mood and functionality. Having someone else tend to baby for a block of overnight hours is one way to achieve that.

Additionally, restless sleep can result when the timing of sleep is “off” from what our baby needs and/or when their sleep routine and sleep space are not ideal. Learning your baby’s individual needs and adjusting to honor them can yield a much smoother result, no “training” required.

Often though, longer uninterrupted stretches of sleep require baby learning to sleep more independently. Much like learning to roll and crawl, when given time, space and support, your baby can learn to initiate and sustain smooth sleep. Rarely does that occur by happenstance. In most cases, we need to take steps to lessen baby’s reliance on us and other tools, such as feeding, and increase their self-reliance. This process is often referred to as “sleep training” but we prefer to think of it as “ sleep learning .” That learning process can take place over time and with support from you.

So What Next?

If you simply need logistical help to cope with baby’s sleep habits, such as laundry or organizational services , maternal mental health support , or prepared meals , check out our village of resources . If you decide you want and need to make changes to where and how baby sleeps and are looking to create a comfortable and customized plan, we can help with that too. Learn more about our sleep support team and options below and feel free to start with a discovery call.

This is part one of our sleep learning series. You may also want to read:

Five Things to Do Before Sleep Training

Which Sleep Training Method is Best?

Four Reasons Sleep Training Isn't Working for Your Baby

3 Reasons You Might Consider A Potty-Training Reset

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 15:03:01 GMT

Are You Wondering If You Should Take A Break From The Potty-Training Process?

As potty-training consultants, we are often asked, “Should we rediaper and try this again later?” This question is most often posed when parents are not seeing progress as quickly as they expect or hope. While there are scenarios when we might suggest a “reset”, there is also a wide range of normal and children progress at varying paces. Potty training is very much like learning to walk. There is no way for us to know ahead of time how long the process will take or what it will look like.

Here are 3 reasons you might consider a reset:

1. Lack of Progress After A Few Weeks (For Children under 3.5)

When discussing potty-training, we utilize blocks of learning. Many children will start to make the connection and make the transition from block 1 to block 2 on day 3-5. However some children might not get there until closer to day 7-10. All of that is within the range of normal. So, we don’t want you to panic after day 3.

Potty-training is a skill and it takes some time to learn the new skill. If you aren’t seeing progress after a few weeks, it can be helpful to check in and make sure that you are being as consistent as possible and that you are not unintentionally doing something that could prevent progress. ( 5 Do's and Dont's for Smoother Potty Training ).

It is unlikely that time alone will solve potty-training concerns, so if you choose to reset because of lack of progress, you can use that time to reach out and get potty-training support set up. Most potty-training struggles need to be addressed by helping your child to work through it versus “solving” it by falling back on the old way (a diaper). So, it is best to think of a reset as time to regroup if you need it, rather than a solution to the problem itself.

2. Medical Issue

Sometimes an unexpected medical issue comes up, and a reset is the best way to allow everyone to recover. For example, my kiddo got a stomach bug and ended up in the emergency room when we were only a few weeks into potty-training. We waved the white flag (in our case, a Huggies Snug and Dry diaper, lol) and re-diapered to give everyone a minute to recover. Sometimes things happen that are outside of our control. We took 4 weeks to allow everyone to regroup, then we removed diapers entirely and never looked back.

3. Your Mental Health

If you dove head first into potty-training and things are not going as you expected, or if you are dealing with a more complex situation than you anticipated, it’s okay to regroup. It is also okay to seek support or help, whether that is something formal, like one on one support from a potty-training consultant, or having a friend who you can chat with when things are feeling difficult.

When considering whether or not to reset, remember that consistency is the key to potty-training success. For that reason, we want to be cautious not to remove diapers and add them back in multiple times. If you do reset, take about 4-6 weeks before starting again. If you are unsure about if you should keep moving forward or you have taken a break and want to have a plan in place for when you dive back in, we are here to help!

You might also be interested in:

4 Surprising Reasons Your Child Isn’t Progressing With Potty-Training

Is It "Behavior" Or One Of These 3 Underlying Issues?

erica@beaconfidentparent.com (Erica Desper) — Mon, 13 Feb 2023 15:25:18 GMT

If you are a parent or provider of a child struggling with behavioral challenges, you'll want to consider this.

If you are the parent, teacher or provider of a child exhibiting challenging behaviors, be sure to consider these three subtle but commonly overlooked triggers.

Subtle “Behavior” Trigger #1: Hidden Constipation

Studies suggest that up to 30% of children have functional constipation.[1] Contrary to what you might think, that doesn’t always present the way you might expect, skipping bowel movements for days. Many constipated children produce at least one bowel movement each day (this is new, loose stool making its way around an older, harder mass of stool) and do not complain about belly pain. Instead, the only outward signs may be that a child becomes irritable, moody, clingy and/or restless. Bedwetting can be another subtle clue as the mass of stool begins to press on the bladder during sleep. Could your child’s behavior be caused or exacerbated by constipation? Take this constipation quiz to learn more.

What to Do?

If you suspect your child may be suffering from hidden constipation, discuss your concerns with their pediatrician and/or a gastroenterologist who can offer a clean-out regimen and maintenance plan to get and keep them comfortable. Very often there will be residual behavioral toileting challenges that also need to be addressed and our team can help with that.

Subtle “Behavior” Trigger #2: Sensory Processing Difficulties

Put simply, behavior is the tip of an iceberg: a visible response or reaction to how a child’s nervous system is processing sensory input under the surface. When a child struggles to manage that input easily or appropriately, they are often labeled incorrectly as a “behavior problem” rather than as a child who needs support with a lagging skill or an unmet need. One study that examined the relationship between sensory processing difficulties and behavioral problems states, “Children who presented in our clinic due to developmental and/or behavioral concerns had a high prevalence, as high as 64.4%, of sensory processing difficulties…These results highlight the notion that addressing behavioral problems without understanding and addressing accompanying sensory difficulties may hinder progress in treatment as targeted behavioral difficulties may mask underlying sensory processing difficulties.” [2]

What to Do?

Many children benefit from Occupational Therapy to develop better self-regulation and to find more ideal coping mechanisms for sensory challenges. Take this quiz and share the results with your pediatrician and ask about an OT evaluation .

Subtle “Behavior” Trigger #3: Insufficient Sleep

Probably the most common cause of challenging behaviors and poor self-regulation is when a child is getting too little sleep. Think your child is getting sufficient totals? You may be surprised to learn both what is recommended and how few children truly get enough. Research inarguably shows that adequate sleep is a major predictor of the ability to self-regulate, to control impulsive behaviors and to make good decisions. [3] Anayansi Lasso-Pirot, MD, a pulmonary pediatrician at the University of Maryland Children’s Hospital, says, “Children with sleep deprivation have more difficulties learning in school and more behavioral problems.” Not getting enough sleep can also heavily affect teenagers, according to Dr. Lasso-Pirot, who noted that a lack of sleep can increase teens’ penchant for “risky behaviors.”[4]

Despite the importance of adequate sleep, a 2021 study found that a third of children do not get enough each night.[5] Even worse, the current generation of teens is the most sleep-deprived in human history with only only 15 percent of high school students getting enough by the time they are in their final year. It is estimated that one in five high school students sleeps less than six hours per night, while the average is six and a half hours per night.[6]

What to Do?

First things first, compare your child’s average nightly sleep totals to the recommended range for their age . If they can’t get enough by the time they need to wake each morning, you may want to seek the support of a sleep specialist to help create a plan to tweak their schedule, environment and routine. Our team has years of experience with children of all ages and is ready to help!

[1] https://www.uptodate.com/contents/chronic-functional-constipation-and-fecal-incontinence-in-infants-children-and-adolescents-treatment

[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3891772/

[3] https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2022/07/220730125455.htm

[4] https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7038a1.htm?s_cid=mm7038a1_w

[5] https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7038a1.htm?s_cid=mm7038a1_w

[6] https://www.sleephealth.org/2022/05/26/sleep-deprivation-takes-toll-on-teens/

How to Ditch Your Dangerous Inclined Sleeper

erica@beaconfidentparent.com (Erica Desper) — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 21:40:26 GMT

"Since the recall, approximately 70 additional fatalities have been reported, which includes at least 8 fatalities that were reported to have occurred after the initial recall announcement." - Consumer Product Safety Commission , 1/9/23

Consider these safer alternatives:

SNOO Bassinet

Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit

The Zipadee- Zip

Swaddling (Non-rolling babies)

Solving Potty Power Struggles

Mon, 07 Nov 2022 16:14:29 GMT

Running into potty power struggles with your toddler?

Cut through a case of the "NO!"'s with these four tips.

If you are the parent of a toddler, I don't need to tell you that "no" is likely their new favorite word. And congratulations!...testing boundaries and asserting themselves means they are on just the right track developmentally. Lucky you, right? So how do we manage the power struggles that are so common at this age, especially when it comes to getting your child to sit and use the potty?

First things first, do NOT ask them IF they need to go. The answer will almost always be a resounding "NO!' Trade that habit for watching for their tells and frequency pattern (and learn them if you don't know them already.) Most children will dance around, hold themselves, freeze, or make a funny face when they need to go. Catching pee and poo when it is ready to come out will lead to far fewer power struggles than making your child sit at timed intervals when they don't need to go. Once you see a tell, rather than ask a question or physically making them sit, try these options instead:

Offer a Choice

For example, "It looks like you need to pee. Would you like to use the potty or the toilet?"

Or, "It's time to pee. Would you like to sit in two minutes or five minutes?" Then set a timer and, when it goes off, "Ok. It's time to pee now."

If your child refuses to sit, offer to hold a big disposable cup or the potty insert for them to go in. Then you can offer, "It's time to pee. Do you want to sit or stand?" Seeing the cup fill up and dumping it is a great incentive and distraction.

Offer a Challenge

For example, "I bet I can beat you to the potty!" Or, "I bet you can't hop like a bunny all the way to the potty!"

Offer a Distraction

Draw a target on a square of toilet paper, let them drop it in and challenge them to pee or poo on it! Have them help you put a few drops of blue food coloring into the toilet water and watch their pee magically turn the water green! Making the process a game will help them forget they are cooperating with what you wanted them to do. Or purchase these potty stickers as a distraction and incentive.

When-Then

Most importantly, you CANNOT let on that you are desperate for them to sit or go. It has to be their idea and their decision to sit and to let it out. Rather than physically moving them to the potty, find some leverage to encourage them to do it themselves. For example, your child is likely asking to do something or will soon ask. They may want to watch or continue a show, bring out some different toys, have a snack, or go outside. In response to that request, reply with a, "Sure. WHEN you put your pee in the potty THEN we can have a snack." Or, "When you put your pee in the potty then we can unpause your show." Then go about whatever you were doing as if you couldn't care less whether they do or not. This is a very casual, "let me know when you're ready" approach. It is very different from a bribe which sounds like, "Please, please, please pee for Mommy! I'll give you some M&M's/your favorite show." The difference is subtle but very important.

With these four tips you should be able to put those power struggles behind you. If not, or if you need help approaching potty-training, reach out about one on one support. Our certified Oh Crap potty-training consultants are here to help!

You Might Also Enjoy:

How Do I Know if My Child is Ready for Potty-Training?

5 Things to Consider Before Potty-Training

5 Do's and Don't for Smoother Potty-Training

4 Reasons Your Child Won't Poop on the Potty

Help...My Preschooler Has Zero Interest in Potty-Training!

How to Handle Halloween Candy: Provide, Don't Deprive

Wed, 26 Oct 2022 19:29:12 GMT

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist Jackie Rogers shares her strategies for curbing candy intake without creating a preoccupation with food...

Do you stress about how to handle Halloween candy? Or candy and sweets, in general, all year round?

It’s one of the biggest questions I get from parents and something I’ve had to navigate in my own parenting life.

“Should I limit how much they eat?… Hide or get rid of it after Halloween?… Make them donate it?”

I understand if you have fears or worries about sugar since diet culture has deemed it evil (it’s not). And I know you want your child to be healthy. But if your plan is to restrict, restrict, restrict because you’re worried about the amount of sugar you’re child is going to eat, then I would love to explain why this can have unintended consequences and what I recommend to my clients in order to preserve the child’s intuitive eating skills and promote a healthy relationship with food. If these are your goals for your child, then please read on!

In This Post, I Discuss:

* How dietary restriction backfires

* A way to manage candy with more structure and less restriction

* How you can prepare for this all year round, and

* How we talk about candy matters, too

Dietary Restriction Backfires

Restricting children from candy and sweets leads to feelings of deprivation. Deprivation leads to an obsession with that food that has now become “forbidden”. Then, when the child gets the chance to eat the “forbidden” food, they will eat a lot of it because they don’t know when they will get another opportunity to eat it again. You may have experienced this yourself if you’ve ever been on a diet that restricts certain foods and amounts.

Dietary restriction is more powerful than you may realize and can have unintended, yet serious consequences for kids including:

* Disconnection from hunger signals,

* Preoccupation with food, and

* Lowered self-esteem

All in all, it teaches them to mistrust their bodies.

On the other hand, when children aren’t over-controlled and receive proper support in feeding, they eat as much as their body needs and can stop when they are satisfied. This is being in tune with the body’s signals and having a healthy relationship with food (AKA intuitive eating). We’re all born intuitive eaters, and kids are really good at listening to their bodies if we let them and trust them.

A Strategy to Manage Candy With More Structure and Less Restriction

When it comes to managing Halloween candy, I agree with registered dietitian and family therapist Ellyn Satter who explains that Halloween is a learning opportunity. You want to work towards the goal of having your child manage their own candy stash. And to do that, we need to stay out of it for the most part.

Here’s What it Can Look Like:

Day 1 (Halloween night): let them dump, sort, count, and eat as much candy as they want.

Day 2: Let them do the same.

Day 3 and thereafter: Have them put it away (or put it away in a cupboard for them if they are younger) until meal and snack times. Let them pick a couple pieces to eat with meals and let them have as much as they want at snack time. You can offer other nutritious foods alongside it (like those containing protein, fat, and fiber) to provide a variety to choose from and a balance of nutrients to get them to their next meal without them saying, “Mom, I’m starving!”. But after the food is served, it’s up to the child to decide which of those foods to eat (or not eat) and how much (with no influence from the caregiver).

If your child can handle those couple of meal and snack time rules (which are more about structure), then they can manage their own stash. If not, then you manage it, but once they are capable of following the rules, they can keep it. ( Satter’s article The Sticky Topic of Halloween Candy )

Preparing for Halloween All Year Round

Handling Halloween candy will be easier if you prepare all year round because it’s definitely not the only time your child will see candy. In using the Satter Division of Responsibility (sDOR) (which is the feeding strategy that I teach my clients), sweets are made a regular part of life by incorporating them into meals and snacks.

You can do this by (1) serving dessert right along with dinner (just one serving per person) and (2) serving sweets like cookies and milk for a snack from time to time and let your child have as many as he or she is hungry for. If you are just starting out with this, your child may eat many cookies at first. But over time, it will lose its “special factor” and they will eat as many as they need to truly satisfy them.

The main goal is not to get your child to eat less, but rather to neutralize food so they can truly listen to their body and respond accordingly. Some kids need more sweets to satisfy themselves than others and there’s nothing wrong with that. When sweets are around regularly, the child learns to be relaxed and matter-of-fact about them, and they will eat them moderately. When the child is restricted, they will eat a lot of them even if they’re not hungry. The child may also beg, whine, and sneak to get these foods that have become “forbidden.”

How We Talk About Candy Matters, Too

Lastly, we all need to be aware of how we speak about candy. When serving candy, use the same neutral voice that you would use when you serve any other food. “Here’s your broccoli” should sound the same as “Here’s your candy” with a neutral, even-toned voice. We want to send the message that all foods are equal.

Also, do you use moralistic words like “good” and “bad” to describe foods? Calling a food “bad” can cause feelings of guilt. Guilt is a feeling that comes from breaking a moral code and we are not morally “good” or “bad” people for eating any food. There should be no guilt associated with eating.

I also don’t like the term “junk” which implies it has no purpose, which is not true. A very good purpose for food is providing pleasure. In our culture, which is hyper focused on “wellness” and weight, we often forget that we eat for more reasons than just nutrition. And pleasure is a big one! Halloween candy provides pleasure for most kids, so let’s not use words like these to describe it.

I like to call food what it is. Food is food. A KitKat is a KitKat and an apple is an apple.

In Summary:

* Let your child fully enjoy their candy with no restrictions on Halloween night and the day after (and even the day after that if you want)

Then Start With Structure:

* A couple of pieces of candy with meals

* As much candy as they want at snack time (you may serve other foods, too)

* If they can follow those rules, then they can keep their candy (if they’re old enough- I don’t suggest letting little ones keep or eat candy or other food out of their parent’s sight)

* If they can’t follow the rules yet, then you must manage the candy until they can.

* Prepare for this all year round by regularly serving sweets with meals and snacks

* Speak neutrally about all foods – this is really important!

My main goal is to let you know that it’s okay to relax about having candy in the house and let it become a regular part of your child’s life so they don’t feel deprived and end up obsessing over it long term. If you’re relaxed about it, they will be, too.

I know you want your child to be healthy (so do I!), but candy can absolutely be a part of a healthy diet, and having a healthy relationship with food is a huge part of healthy eating. I find it helpful to have the mindset of adding foods into their world instead of taking them away. Kids need to be exposed to a variety of foods- the veggies and the chips, the fruit and the candy, the cupcakes and the kale (or whatever it is your family enjoys).

I know all of this can be tricky, but you got this!

Need More Support?

If you want more support in feeding your child such as…

* How to handle sweets

* How to support your child in learning to like a variety of foods

* How to promote a healthy relationship with food

* How to maintain their intuitive eating skills or return to them

* How to make sure they are getting enough nutrition to grow and thrive

…I offer one-on-one virtual nutrition coaching so we can transform your confusion/stress/worry/doubt into confidence. Go to my “Work with Me” page to learn more. If you think you might be a good fit, fill out an application at the bottom of the page. I look forward to hearing from you!

Perinatal Wellness: Combining the Worlds of Physical Therapy and Doula Support

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 20:00:03 GMT

Pelvic Floor Therapist Dr. Victoria Clement shares 4 ways the worlds of physical therapy and doula education combine to give new and recurring moms the ultimate knowledge and preparation to have a more successful birthing experience...

In high school, I was torn between becoming an OBGYN or a physical therapist. I had an affinity for moms because they do so much for their families and the community that I wanted to give back. However, I was not a fan of the idea of being “on call” and the stressors associated with being an obstetrician. I loved the idea of helping people who are in pain regain their functional movement just as much as helping moms and decided to go down the exercise science and physical therapy road. As I started my career, I was elated to find out that I could make a huge impact on the lives of pregnant and postpartum moms as a doctor of physical therapy and trained doula.

Combining the worlds of physical therapy and doula education can give new and recurring moms the ultimate knowledge and preparation to have a more successful birthing experience. Here is how:

Finding your muscle strength deficits and addressing them ahead of time is the key to preventing injury to the core, hips, and spine. One of the top fears I hear from my patients is about the abdominal gapping or “diastasis recti” after the baby is born. Everyone who is pregnant has a diastasis recti, it is just a matter of the abdominals being strong and resilient enough to “close the gap” postpartum. With proper activation and training of the transverse abdominis (deep core), obliques, rectus abdominis (six pack muscles) and spinal stabilizers, this can be achieved sooner rather than later!

Another common birth injury is a hip labral tear. The labrum is a “bowl” of cartilage that sits in the socket of the hip so the “ball” can move freely and smoothly. Strength of the core, as well as, hip abductors, extensors, and rotators can greatly affect the stability of the joint and probability of injury to this tissue. Another thing to consider is the position in which you are giving birth and the stress being put on your hips, which can be troubleshooted with the help of a pelvic floor therapist.

The last component to consider is any pre-existing orthopedic problems you have before going into birth. Changing progesterone and estrogen levels in the body (along with the notorious relaxin hormone) contribute to soft tissue laxity which naturally makes the joints a little more unstable. It is important to strengthen and stabilize the already vulnerable joints especially before the third trimester and to speed up recovery postpartum. Also, if you have a spine or hip condition before birth, you can learn ways to work with your body via positioning, whether it is flexion, extension, or side bending biased!

Pelvic floor lengthening, not necessarily strengthening!

Yes, you read that correctly! The uterus is what pushes the baby out, not the pelvic floor. In fact, the pelvic floor needs to be able to stretch and recoil as the baby descends through the vaginal canal. Ideally, the pelvic floor can do this without tearing! Some ways to do this are targeted stretches of the pelvic floor, working on hip mobility in all planes of movement, performing external pelvic floor releases, and internal perineal massage if the patient and provider are comfortable.

Working with your pelvis biomechanics as birth progresses!

There are three parts of the pelvis that we train to open and close with specific movement; the pelvic inlet, mid pelvis, and pelvic outlet. The inlet is the top, “butterfly” part of the pelvis that is best opened and mobilized by performing movements that involve feet in, knees out movements. The mid pelvis can be worked with asymmetrical movements. Lastly, the pelvic outlet, bottom and pelvic floor region, can be mobilized with knees in and feet out motions. Doulas can work with you during labor by suggesting positions during each phase of baby descent and providing counter pressure to the pelvis as an added pain relief technique.

Becoming more informed about the processes and your choices during your birth experience.

Nothing breaks my heart more than hearing a postpartum patient tell me how scared they were during birth or upset they were with their provider for not asking informed consent before performing a procedure. Consent is EVERYTHING and knowledge is power. Doulas and pelvic floor therapists can be excellent resources in educating what procedures can be done and when they are necessary. If you do not have a doula to support you during birth, I highly recommend having a birth plan not only for the fact that your partner can advocate for you but to have more information to transparently discuss with your provider.

The world of obstetrics is changing in a positive direction and I am excited to be a part of the revolution!

How Do We Deal with Nightmares?

Mon, 17 Oct 2022 20:57:43 GMT

Are Nightmares & Bad Dreams Disrupting Your Family's Sleep?

One of the most common questions we are asked as sleep consultants is “How do we deal with nightmares or bad dreams for our child?” It feels frustrating when your otherwise sound, independent sleeper isn't sleeping well and it may not feel "right" not to comfort them. Many parents worry this will trigger a new pattern they will get stuck in.

Beyond that, parents are also concerned that what they are dealing with isn’t normal. Rest assured it is! Nightmares and bad dreams are not uncommon amongst young children. According to the Sleep Foundation , approximately 50% of children between the ages of 3 and 6 experience frequent nightmares. As children get older that decreases to about 20% for children ages 6-12. Here are 5 tips for preventing and dealing with nightmares & bad dreams.

1. Make Sure Your Child is Well Rested!

According to the Cleveland Clinic , the exact cause of nightmares is unknown, but they are more likely to occur when children are experiencing stress or when they are overtired. Preschool aged children generally need 10.5-11.5 hours of overnight sleep, depending on whether they are or are not napping each day. If you suspect that your child is not getting adequate overnight sleep totals, we can help you formulate a plan to solve that.

2. Limit Media Intake

Children who have screen time in the evening are more likely to have sleep problems including nightmares. ( Sleep Education ) If your kiddo is struggling with nightmares, consider cutting off television, computers, tablets and video games before 6:00pm. Blue light emitted from screens can disrupt the natural production of melatonin, so limiting screens in the evening can help children wind down and prepare for sleep.

3. Listen & Reassure Your Child During The Day

Allow your child to tell you about their bad dreams or nightmares during the day when things are less scary. Reassure them and let them know that you are nearby and that they are safe in their bed and room.

4. Empower Your Child/Validate Their Feelings

Validate your child’s feelings; Phrases like “wow that must have felt very scary.” can make it clear that you understand what they are feeling. Have your child retell their bad dream and ask them how they would like it to end. You can also write down ideas for good dreams and place them in a dream box by their bed (see the video below) or check out The Dream Pillow .

5. Maintain Boundaries

In the heat of the moment, only you can decide what feels right in terms of how to respond to and comfort your child. That said, everyone will come through this common challenge most quickly and easily if you are able to maintain healthy sleep boundaries. For example, you might avoid strategies like climbing in bed together in favor of reassuring your child all is well and returning to check on them frequently at their open door until they drift back to sleep. Choose a response that doesn't give your child an incentive to wake, even in the absence of a legitimate bad dream.

Reducing stress and creating healthy sleep habits will be key to reducing or eliminating bad dreams or nightmares. If sleep has become a struggle in your household, book a 15-minute Discovery Call and speak with one of our consultants to learn more about our one-on-one sleep support.

For more tips on addressing fears, check out our You Tube videos...

My Child with Autism Doesn't Sleep - Help!

Mon, 03 Oct 2022 14:44:02 GMT

If you've been told "It's just part of the diagnosis" you'll want to read this...

Special needs sleep consultant Melissa Doman shares her top things to consider when addressing sleep struggles in children with autism in this guest post.

Whether your child with ASD has struggled to sleep for days, weeks, months…or years, it can feel overwhelming and frustrating as to why it’s just. not. happening. As a parent, you worry how your child can function on the few hours they’re getting.

You may have asked your child’s doctors and therapists about their sleep struggles and have only heard:

“It’s just part of the diagnosis.”

That’s a pretty easy answer to fall back on. And, a bit of a lazy one. It hurts your child when specialists hide behind what might be common symptoms. It takes the responsibility off of them to help you solve the problem.

It’s an answer many parents like you get, but it doesn’t get down to the root of WHY your child with autism isn’t sleeping. Here are the main reasons why your child might be struggling:

Not enough or too much stimulation

One of the first questions I ask parents is what their child seeks or avoids when it comes to sensory inputs. This includes seeing, hearing, feeling, smell/taste, proprioception, interoception. You name it! If your child tends to seek input, there’s no question that their brain will be seeking at night. It’s just not getting enough!

Even with the most intensive therapies, I find that the sensory system is so often ignored. When kids are getting the right stimuli, the brain can be more settled and calmer at night. There can be too much of a good thing, but kids with autism need that input.

On the other hand, for children who are avoiding or hypersensitive see, hear, feel, the world at a much more heightened state. It’s not as easy for them to settle to sleep when their system is overstimulated. This hypersensitivity can also kick in your child’s “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Some children may hear sounds at night that they might perceive as a threat. If that’s the case, they could have a very hard time getting to or staying asleep.

Not enough or too much activity

When we don’t get enough physical activity, our body doesn’t have as strong of a need for sleep. For some children, they might be on the move constantly. However, it might be “chaotic” movement. For example, some children might run from room to room, jump into this, onto that, hours on end. And, this might be related to sensory issues.

Getting adequate amounts of physical activity not only helps create the need to sleep, but it can help “regulate” our many systems. When we are doing regular physical activity, our breathing is deeper and more dynamic, we may feel more focused, we’re in a better mood. All of these can have a great impact on our quality of sleep at night. Going for a walk is one of the best ways to do this!

Some children do need more activity and to stay very active. But again — there can be too much of a good thing. Too much can also make your child overtired, which can affect how deep your child’s sleep is. Through tracking, some parents can find that “happy medium” when it comes to just enough activity for their child on the spectrum.

This also goes for therapy as well. As crucial as therapy treatments are to help your child achieve milestones and give their brain the “exercise” it needs, too much can also affect how well your child goes to sleep and stays asleep. This article outlines a bit more of what to look for and how to help your child feel more calm after a busy day.

Breathing Difficulties

When we have difficulty breathing at night, our ability to get good quality, deep, restorative sleep is greatly affected. For children, this lack of quality sleep can affect focus, mood, sensory perception, behavior and more. Some “red flags” to look for are: sleeping with the mouth open, snoring, teeth grinding, thumb sucking, pacifier/bottle reliance, chronic ear infections, etc.

If you see these on a fairly regular basis, it is important to have your child checked out by their pediatrician or ENT. This is to rule out any issues with tonsils and/or adenoids. If it is severe enough, a sleep study might be helpful to get the right treatments.

That being said, I know dozens of families that have gone through these tests and procedures and their child continued to have difficulty with their sleep well after. However, breathing difficulties should be ruled out, especially if your child is over the age of 3 years old.

Nutritional Deficiencies

Many autistic children struggle with digestive problems or getting the nutrients they need. In one study, 50% of the children with ASD had at least one digestive issue – constipation, diarrhea, bloating, vomiting, etc.

For some children, they may not like the taste, texture, and/or smell of foods. Because of this, they might have a limited number of foods they are willing to eat. Most of the time, these foods are not the most nutrient dense, like chips, candy, fast food, and more. If the body lacks calcium, Vitamin B6, magnesium, and other essential nutrients, it cannot produce enough melatonin to sustain good sleep.

If your child struggles with digestive discomfort as listed above, this can make them feel irritable and can throw a wrench in the works when it comes to sleep. The sensations that they are feeling can be overwhelming and much more intense than what we perceive.

Inability to Produce Melatonin

Honestly, I hesitate to put this here. However, there are some children that are unable to produce enough melatonin naturally. To check this for your child, you can ask for a blood, urine, or saliva test from your doctor.

Over the counter melatonin is one of the most recommended “treatments” for sleep difficulties in kids with autism. However, many families I speak to say it might help getting their child to sleep for the night. But, will not keep them sleeping. Other families have said it gives the complete opposite effect, and their child will be even more wired.

Using an over the counter or prescription melatonin should only be considered as a short-term solution, not a long term. Getting down to the root of your child’s sleep issues will get you far better results.

Your child has learned some not-so-great sleep habits

Over years and thousands of sleeps, we have learned our own ways to get to sleep. Most of us need our pillow and blanket. You might need to have your arms tucked in a certain way, or lie on one side. Whatever it is, you are not dependent on someone else to make sleep happen.

For most of the kids I work with, this is a big part of their sleep difficulties. Many children with autism learn they need a parent or caretaker to rock, hold, lie with, and/or drive them around to fall off for the night. In these instances, parents have become the pillow and blanket. They’ve become their child’s strategy to get to sleep. Some children will insist on snacks, tablet, music, projectors, pacifiers, and other tools to help themselves regulate and get to sleep.

Best case scenario, your child gets this help and maaaay stay asleep. But often, children will continue to look for this help, or these “crutches” over and over again through the night. And, if your child has any kind of sensory issue they will definitely know if their sleep situation changes.

If your child relies on some of these other self-regulating tools listed above, it is important to give your child enough stimulation during the day so they’re less likely to seek for these tools at night. It isn’t an easy process, but your child can learn to sleep without these tools.

So, now I know why – can my child be helped?

Once parents know and learn the why’s behind their child’s sleep, it can be hard to know what are the first steps. For some children with ASD, they might need help in only one or all of the areas listed above.

Either way, it can be a lot of work to do on your own.

My team and I are here to help guide you in that journey to better sleep. We take a “no stones left unturned” approach when it comes to helping our families. We know that children like yours learn, process, and master skills at their own pace. It’s important that any changes you make with your child reflect this.

And, we’ve seen (just about) everything! We have tips and troubleshoots for nearly any issue that can come in between your child and the rest they deserve.

We firmly believe that children like yours CAN sleep better. It doesn’t have to be just “part of their diagnosis.” With the right tools, support, patience, your child can be an incredible sleeper.

Hack the Crib to Bed Transition in Four Steps

erica@beaconfidentparent.com (Erica Desper) — Thu, 29 Sep 2022 20:19:56 GMT

There's no need to dread the bed with these four mindful steps...

Ah, the dreaded bed transition. Whether you’re terrified to take that step, because you’ve heard how poorly it can go, or unaware that it can go poorly, you’ll want to read this. We get loads of new and returning families struggling with sleep again or for the very first time when those rails disappear. Here are four things you can do to ensure the smoothest transition.

Step #1: Delay It

The freedom of a bed requires that your child understands the need to stay put and have the impulse control to act on that understanding. If you’re familiar with 2 and 3 year old people, you know that they are not known for impulse control or logical thinking so that is a big ask. For that reason, the smoothest transition often results from delaying it until your child is old enough to cope with that freedom. That age is often 3-3.5 but, for some, as early as 2.5 years of age. If you need their crib for a new baby, consider purchasing a second one or using a bassinet for the baby, for now. If they are climbing out, preventing the climb will be key. Children can often physically maneuver out of the crib before they are cognitively ready for the freedom that brings.

Step #2: Improve Crib Sleep

Coping and cooperating are hard enough for toddlers and preschoolers but doing either when they are overtired is highly unlikely. If sleep is fragmented in quality or low in quantity, addressing that in the crib before making the transition is another way you can ensure ease. If you’re unsure how to go about improving sleep quality and quantity, we can help.

Step #3: Achieve Independent Crib Sleep

We have never seen the transition to a bed solve sleep struggles but boy have we seen it create or worsen them! If your child needs your help or presence at bedtime and overnight in the crib scenario, that may look like them leaving the room and coming to find you or your bed countless times at bedtime and overnight in the bed scenario. The goal is to achieve sound and independent sleep in the crib so that is the scenario you are transferring to the freedom of a bed. If you’re unsure how to move toward independent sleep, we can help with that too.

Step #4: Plan for Boundary Testing

The main “job” of a toddler, aside from play, is to assert their independence while testing the limits and boundaries around them. It’s why they love the words “no!” and “one more!” so much. When we combine this propensity for limit testing with the freedom of a bed, we can be certain there may be at least some curiosity about what you will and won’t do in this new scenario. This often results in a child calling or coming out of the room enough times that their parent ends up lying in bed with them at bedtime and returning to do the same all night long. Unless that is something you don’t mind doing indefinitely, it isn’t something you want to rely on as a way to help your child stay put. Instead, choose and implement one of the following strategies at bedtime AND overnight until it is no longer needed:

Walk them Back: Post yourself just outside of their closed door. When they open the door to leave the room, silently return them to their bed and close the door again, remaining at your post. If silence feels too harsh, say a boring script such as “It’s time to sleep.” The goal is to bore them and prove that the only option is to stay and sleep. In theory, this will result in fewer walk backs on future nights and, eventually, none at all. For some though, this turns into a game and those kiddos will need a different approach.

Stay but Fade: If your child wants or needs you present and you don’t mind giving them that support, go for it. However, you’ll need an exit strategy to avoid getting stuck indefinitely. Take a week or so to stay until your child is asleep but get them accustomed to you offering less support and being less present each night. For example you might go from sitting beside the bed with back rubbing to sitting beside without touch, to sitting halfway to the doorway, then just inside the doorway, then just outside the doorway (door open), then closing the door so you are out of sight but close enough to offer a brief and occasional verbal reassurance if needed.

Beat them to the Punch: If you prefer to bypass that slow process, and assuming your child can cooperate, the job check approach may be the best way to support them through this transition. Explain to your child that, so long as they follow the sleep rules to stay in bed and wait quietly, you will be right back to check on them. For example, “I’m going to use the potty, then I’ll be right back to check on you.” Do come back - you aren’t trying to deceive them. Rather, you are showing them that there is no reason to get upset or come find you because you are coming back to them. Don’t redo parts of the routine such as coming all the way to the bed to tuck them in again. When you return, come to the doorway, and repeat a job that you will go do. For example, “You’re doing great. I’m going to check on your brother, then I’ll be right back to check on you.” Return very frequently at first but, on future nights, space the checks farther apart until they are falling asleep quickly and easily.

Make the Room a “Crib”: If all else fails with the approaches above, don’t panic! Your child is simply telling you that they still need a visible, physical boundary like the crib rails provided. In that case, you’ll need to give them that for a bit longer by turning their room into a “crib”. This can look as simple as the door closed with a door knob cover to prevent them from coming out or a bit more involved such as an extra tall gate installed at the door or a childproof device that clips up high on the door to prevent them from opening it all the way. Find options on our shopping page under the heading “For Little Escape Artists”. Down the road, you can leave the door unlocked and try one of the above strategies again. At some point, your child will have more impulse control and, when they do, those strategies will be more effective.

If you need support for this or any sleep transition, we can help!

"I Feel Judged for My Parenting"

Wed, 21 Sep 2022 13:17:18 GMT

Afraid to ask for help because you feel judged for your parenting choices?

Hi I’m Amelia, mom to a 3 year old and one of the sleep & potty consultants at Confident Parenting. As the parent of a young kiddo, I will admit I spent - and still spend - a lot of time feeling like other people are judging me and my parenting. I know I am not the only parent that feels that way! When I consult with families about the potty-training process, I often hear that they felt “judged” while reading a parenting book, watching a YouTube video, or a post they saw on Instagram.

We are parenting in, let’s be real, a pretty strange time. We are still amidst a pandemic, dealing with the effects of social media and technology for ourselves and for our kids, and raising children without a village of support. There is just SO much going on for all of us.

As sleep & potty consultants, we are not here to judge you. We are here to help you! We want to take these parenting tasks that are overwhelming for most families and make them less stressful. Confident Parenting even has a village of additional resources to support families in other areas of day-to-day life. Here are 3 things to remember if you are worried about seeking help.

Asking for Help is a Sign of Strength, Not Weakness

Even if the woman next door or your mother in law thinks it’s bizarre or unnecessary to ask for help with a task like potty-training, I promise it’s not. Lots of families have benefited from utilizing a sleep or potty training consultant. Do you know how to eat healthy and exercise? I bet you do/ Would you still benefit from the knowledge, guidance and accountability that comes from working with a coach? Of course you would. When you are struggling, or if you simply aren’t feeling confident, it is always alright to ask for help.

“But My Child…”

Even if you read a book that said your child had to meet all these signs of readiness, or they are over the ideal age described in a book. It’s ok. Not every kid will do everything exactly the same way or on a predetermined timeline. A book can only describe one way things can go, not how they will go. An Instagram post only shows one family’s experience and their child may have a completely different temperament and learning style. There are differences in milestones and processes for each family. We want to help your family achieve your goals in a way that best fits your child.

You Don’t Have to Be the One Doing Everything

My job is to break down the information for you. This means you don’t have to read 3 books, and fall down a YouTube rabbit hole and Google questions in the middle of the night before deciding how you should go about potty-training your toddler. Having a sleep or potty consultant gives you one place to go to ask your questions and receive reliable answers, specific to your child.

We always want parents to know that you are not in this alone. There are a variety of resources in the Confident Parenting Village, and we are here to help with sleep & potty training concerns. If you are on the fence about support, book a 15-minute Discovery call to speak with one of our consultants. We are your village!

CoSleeping Vs No Sleeping?

Mon, 25 Jul 2022 21:03:27 GMT

Philadelphia-based sleep expert and Confident Parenting founder Erica Desper tackles an often controversial topic: Co-Sleeping.

As a new mother, I was drawn to the concept of sharing sleep with my baby and did so, at first successfully, and then— not so successfully. As a s leep consultant , I have helped families make both room-sharing and bed-sharing work and helped them to wean away from it when it no longer does. There is certainly no shortage of information, opinion, and judgement surrounding where and how your baby sleeps. As with most things parenting related, it is very much a personal decision. I am not here to tell you if co-sleeping is "right" or "wrong", but to offer some food for thought so you can make an informed decision on what is right for you and your family.

While the AAP encourages parents to share a room with their baby for the first year, they do advise against sharing a bed. Regardless of that recommendation, it is estimated that as many as 70% of new parents are bed sharing at least occasionally, even when they did not intend to do so prenatally. Like it or not, co-sleeping, for many families, is sometimes the only alternative to not sleeping at all: “no sleeping”.

In stark contrast to the AAP stance, renowned mother-baby sleep researcher Dr. James McKenna offers loads of research and argument in support of bed-sharing ( with certain caveats ). And certainly, from a breastfeeding perspective, the close proximity promotes the ease and frequency of feeding, and often the duration of the breastfeeding relationship.

How can you, as a parent, reconcile such conflicting information? The best you can do is to learn all sides of the argument and make your own informed decision. Along with that, give some thought to these questions:

Am I an intentional cosleeper or a reactive cosleeper? Intentional bed sharing occurs when you are drawn to the philosophy and make an informed, intentional decision to do it. You are familiar with and are following the safety guidelines and both you and your partner expect baby to regularly be in the bed. Reactive bed sharing is done in the moment with little to no intention or forethought, and often as a last resort. Reactive bed sharing lends itself to being a less safe option.

Is this working for everyone? Bed sharing can be a successful arrangement when it helps everyone in the family get the best quality and quantity of sleep. If, for example, it is working for your baby but you are wide awake with anxiety over the arrangement, that is a different scenario. If you are in love with the arrangement but your partner is not and is sleeping resentfully in another room, that is also a different scenario. Or, as in my own experience , baby begins waking every 45 minutes and partying for two hours on repeat, not so much!

Am I doing this because I want to and I enjoy it or for another reason? Many families are bedsharing simply out of a lack of other options. Or well beyond the time they intended to transition out of it for fear of a dramatic transition. There are many ways to help your little one be a sound sleeper even in their own space. And there are gentle ways to wean away from bedsharing if it is no longer the right arrangement for you and your family.

Only you can decide what is right or wrong for your family in any given moment. I simply suggest that you grow as informed as possible and be open to reevaluating your arrangement based on new information or when your family or baby reaches a new age or stage. And if you need support to wean away from co-sleeping now or down the road, we can help!

Originally Posted on A Child Grows

6 Steps to Salvaging (& Surviving) Sleep While Potty-Training

Tue, 17 May 2022 03:30:41 GMT

This major milestone, like any other, may threaten to wreak havoc on your child's sleep so here are our top six things to keep in mind and avoid...

Is potty-training threatening to disrupt your child’s sleep habits? Are they suddenly stalling at bedtime or waking overnight? Here are our team's top tips for maximizing sleep and maintaining your sanity while potty-training.

Tip 1: Remember, Potty-Training is a Major Developmental Milestone

Did sleep take a hit when your child learned to roll, stand, walk or talk? As with any milestone, potty-training is likely to cause temporary disruptions in sleep, bowel and eating habits as well as in your child’s overall mood and behavior. While frustrating, disturbances or regressions in other areas are to be expected when the body and brain are taking a big leap in another area. This too, shall pass!

Bonus Pro Tip : Stop waiting for parenting to get easy , lol. Instead realize that, for most of us, it will just get "different". Things that were easy may become hard but things that previously felt really tough will likely smooth out. Relish what is working for your family and don't sweat what isn't. Nothing lasts forever.

Tip 2: Tackle Daytime Training Only First

A child can be taught to recognize and act on the sensation of needing to go while awake. Doing the same when asleep though cannot be consciously taught, depends on many factors, and is often sometimes attained naturally and without an active training process along with or not long after daytime training has been mastered. Put them in a pull up for sleep and let them know it is okay to use the pull up at sleep times. You might say something like, "Sleep lasts a long time and your body might not wake up to go, so we will use this just for sleep." If you prefer to just address daytime learning first and wait to see where that takes you, go for it. Continue to use a diaper or pull-up for sleep, don't stress if/when your child uses it, and set an age or date to revisit nighttime progress or training .

Bonus Pro Tip : If your child is 3.5 years or older and/or if daytime training is not progressing and/or if they begin to hold all their pee or poo for that sleep diaper, it could be an obstacle for them and you may need to reevaluate sooner. Not all children can learn and progress with this new approach while the "old" approach is still in the picture.

Tip 3: Normal Sleep Patterns May Be Interrupted

Because this learning process involves your child beginning to recognize the sensations of being wet or soiled and then the sensations of needing to go, they may begin to wake overnight, during naps or too early in the morning. Ultimately this level of body awareness is what will get you both out of this training process, so try to see this mind-body connection and the disruptions it may cause as a good thing and proof that learning is happening. On a brain level, their brain is likely on overdrive trying to put this all together and that too can cause disrupted patterns, much like you might experience if you have a huge work project or presentation the following day.

Bonus Pro Tip: Be ultra-cautious to avoid introducing new, or reviving old, habits if your child begins to wake overnight. Know in advance what you will and won't do and don't respond or help more than is needed. For example, if you can respond at their doorway and tell them it is still time to sleep rather than pulling them into your bed or climbing into theirs, sleep will bounce back far more quickly.

Tip 4: Limit Beverages Before Bed to Head Accidents off at the Pass

Give your child a better chance at staying dry overnight by avoiding or at least seriously limiting beverages in the 1.5 to 2 hours before bed. This will be more comfortable for you to enforce if focus on making sure they drink well throughout the day. Also, be sure to make a potty stop at the beginning of the bedtime routine and consider a "double pee" - adding one more potty stop in just before the final tuck and lights out.

Bonus Pro Tip: To avoid creating a "fun" habit of leaving the room and stalling at bedtime, consider placing a potty in their room for that last stop and for easy access, if needed, in the middle of the night.

Tip 5: Set Limits and Strike a Balance

Many children quickly realize they can use this milestone as an opportunity to delay bedtime. Your child may ask to go over and over, and bedtime may start to slip later and later. To avoid this, set limits on bathroom trips and strike a balance between respecting their need/desire to go and prioritizing their sleep needs. Sleep is critical for their overall health and for a smooth potty process so loving limits are necessary to establish and enforce. For example, you could have a rule of “one more” at bedtime and honor only that first bathroom request, but may need to say “enough is enough" after that… and stick to it. Tell your child that bathroom trips are all done or that “one-mores” are all done, and it’s time to sleep. And remind them that it’s okay to use their pull-up or diaper or, if there isn't one, the potty you have placed in their room. If you have a fluid cutoff and do the double pee and honor one "one-more" it is highly unlikely they will need to go again right then and there.

If your child wakes overnight asking to go you can use the same one-trip rule. Be sure to keep it boring! Walk them to the bathroom as silently as possible and march them back to bed. Do not redo the bedtime routine. Some children are ready to take themselves to the bathroom and back to bed overnight, and of course you can let your child know that is okay and encourage it. You can also create a potty station in their room: a potty atop a waterproof mat or pad with a box of wipes beside it. Other parents find it helpful to wake their child to use the potty before they go to bed themselves. This can help avoid an accident or them waking you right after you've fallen asleep. Not all children can wake enough for this to be effective but it’s worth a shot if you’re willing to try it.

Bonus Pro Tip: Don't try a wake to pee at or after 4am. The drive to sleep in this hours are so low that your child may really struggle to return to sleep quickly and easily or at all.

Tip 6: Prepare for Accidents

No matter how well you prepare, accidents are inevitable because they are part of the learning process. Once your child can stay dry all night even on some nights, take that as a cue that the time is right to ditch the overnight diaper or pull-up, if you haven't already or if you were waiting until an older age/stage. When you do, you may want to be proactive about preparing for accidents. Anticipating some middle of the night bedding changes, it might help to double up the crib or bedding layers. For example, place a waterproof mattress protector and sheet over another layer of the same. That way when you need to remake the bed overnight, you strip the first layer off and…voila… a fresh, dry bed is ready and waiting underneath!

Bonus Pro Tip: Skip the bedding layers in favor of washable or disposable pads like Chux and check out diaper skirts or shorts for extra peace of mind. You can even toss a fleece blanket over a wet bed and lay your child right back on it, creating a barrier of dryness and dealing with the wet bedding in the morning.

Most of all, remember to breathe and pat yourself on the back every time you hold it together in the face of this challenge...and to give yourself grace when you don’t. If this s&*t were easy (pun totally intended), we'd be out of jobs!

Sleep Training & Gentle Parenting - Can They Coexist?

Tue, 03 May 2022 02:14:15 GMT

Does following attachment parenting mean you can't improve baby's sleep?

When my son was born 12 years ago I was determined to be a co-sleeping, baby wearing, nursing on demand, attachment parenting Mama.

And I was. The challenge I encountered was that this approach wasn’t working for me or my baby in terms of sleep. My son ate every 2 hours around the clock with no end in sight. I loved the closeness and bond we had formed. What I did not love was that, come the one year mark, he was waking and nursing more, not less, as I had hoped and read and I was becoming less and less functional.

Now he was waking as frequently as every 45 minutes, nursing AND then taking up to two hours to fall back to sleep.

Needless to say, there was plenty of crying happening (his and mine!) And yet, as desperately tired as we both were, I felt helpless to change anything out of fear that he would cry and that the crying would cause irreparable damage to his brain and our bond. I felt trapped between a pattern I couldn't sustain and an alternative I couldn't stomach. I even experienced feelings of resentment toward my baby.

If you are in a similar position then this post is for you.

Following the principles of gentle, attached or attachment parenting does not mean that you can’t help your little one improve their sleep patterns. Even Dr. Sears, the guru of attachment parenting, offers suggestions for improving baby’s sleep and weaning from all night nursing.

Yes, sleep training and attachment parenting can in fact coexist! And here’s why...

Let’s agree to throw away the term sleep “training” altogether. Our babies aren’t pets and I’m not suggesting that you force them to do anything. Instead, focus on sleep “shaping” or sleep "learning". Babies sleep can be gently and gradually shaped by focusing on a laying a solid foundation - establishing and improving the schedule or timing of sleep, the sleep environment, the routines preceding sleep, and sleep associations.

Focusing on these foundational elements allows baby’s natural sleep abilities to emerge and develop without implementing any behavioral method at all.

In fact, many families have changed only those elements and, without any tears, have seen vast improvements. Sleep shaping does not mean you need to abandon co-sleeping or breastfeeding or that you need to night wean. Healthy sleep habits involve all of the above and, in many cases, the ability for a baby to learn to fall asleep more independently and with less support. It can also involve eating a reasonable and sustainable amount overnight, when factoring in baby's age, weight and health.

Much like learning to roll, crawl and walk, you can support baby through a process of learning to regulate themselves into and between sleepy cycles. This skill can be practiced and achieved all while room or bed sharing, while maintaining a healthy breastfeeding relationship and while continuing to offer overnight feeds.

It doesn’t have to be this or that or an "all or nothing" process.

Developing this skill alone and having to cry it out while they do, is not the only option. Many of us equate addressing sleep issues with the cry-it-out approach but that is just one of several options. Your baby can gradually and gently learn to fall asleep more independently with lots of hands on support from you throughout the entire process. Some approaches allow you to remain with baby the entire time and offer support with your presence, voice, and touch while giving baby the time and space to practice falling asleep in a new way or new location.

Struggle and frustration often leads to learning. Yes, it is hard to see our little ones fuss and struggle and our instinct is to jump in and “fix” it. However, frustration and crying in and of themselves are not bad things. Change is hard and babies have just one way to communicate their frustration over trying to learn something new. Frustration in a safe and supportive environment is an important part of any learning process. Much like when baby is about to crawl, sees a toy just out of reach and cries in frustration. Giving him the toy is our first instinct but, often, a better option is to move it closer to allow him to reach it on his own. Or placing your hands behind his feet so he can inch toward the toy. Supporting our children to do something for themselves, rather than doing it for them, nurtures regulation and learning and the same can be applied to sleep.

Crying is a form of communication. Change is hard for young and old alike so even the most gentle, gradual, and supported approach may lead to your baby shedding a few tears, communicating that they don't prefer the change. Remember that crying is baby’s one way to communicate frustration and is often a healthy release of emotion. The research that is referred to regarding the damaging effects of crying are instances of chronic neglect and prolonged, unattended crying.

In stark contrast, crying in a loving and supportive environment with a trusted parent present or nearby who meets all of baby’s needs 24/7 is vastly different. Supported crying is saying to baby, "This change is hard for me too but we are going to get through it together."

Sleep is a vital component of overall health and happiness for you, your baby and your family.

If your current sleeping arrangement is working for you, enjoy it! But if it isn’t getting all of you the right quantity or quality of sleep consider that it may be time to consider a change . Change is hard but there are ways to approach it that fit your parenting style and goals and maintain the trusting bond you have with your baby! Reach out to learn more about sleep support that fits yours.

A Secret Trigger for Childhood Sleep, Potty & Anxiety Issues

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 19:31:33 GMT

If your child continues to struggle with sleep, potty-training or anxiety issues, you'll want to learn about this secret trigger...

As a parent, I searched for many years to find a reason and solutions for my son's chronic sleep and anxiety issues. As a parent coach, I've worked with many children who seemed to get and stay "stuck" on their sleep and potty-training journeys due to anxiety, behavioral challenges, and a reduced ability to self-regulate. This led me to do a ton of digging on a personal and professional level and I struck on a common, but little known cause of all of the above - retained primitive reflexes.

What are Retained Primitive Reflexes?

Babies are born with many reflexes that help them survive and develop. As they do, these primitive or innate survival reflexes should become “integrated” or, more simply, become dormant or inactive. For various reasons, such as birth trauma/interventions, prematurity and more, that typical integration process may not take place and one or more of these primitive reflexes may be retained and can be easily triggered or activated. Retained primitive reflexes can present as a sleep issue, a behavioral issue at home or school, a prolonged potty-training process, and/or chronic anxiety.

How Might I Know if My Child Has a Retained Reflex?

If your parent gut has been telling you that something is "off", especially if the advice and support you are receiving isn't helping, that might suggest a retained reflex that has been overlooked. Most doctors and even many specialists would not know to look for them or how to test for them. Here are some signs you might see if your child has one or more retained primitive reflexes:

*Anxiety

*Behavioral outbursts

*Emotional outbursts

*Sleep disturbances

*Poor balance and coordination

*Poor digestion

*Weak immune system (frequent colds, allergies, congestion)

*Hypersensitivity to light, sound, touch, or smell

*Fatigue/poor stamina

*Difficulties with vision, reading, and writing

*Easily distracted

*Motion Sickness

*Toe Walking, flat-footed walking, walking on both sides of the feet

*Muscles tone that is too tight or too weak

*Fidgeting/Difficulty sitting still

*Poor Posture/Difficulty maintaining an upright posture

*Bedwetting

*Speech, handwriting, focus/attention/learning difficulties

What Should I Do if I Suspect My Child Has Retained Reflexes?

If your child is struggling with behavior, sleep, anxiety or toilet-training issues and you suspect retained reflexes may be a factor, an evaluation by a physical or occupational therapist and/or pediatric chiropractor with experience in this area is a great place to start. Integration may take a very short amount of time and yield huge results. Speak to your child’s pediatrician and ask for resources and/or a referral and don’t be afraid to trust your gut and be a squeaky wheel!

Potty Training with a Speech Delay: 4 Things I Learned

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 14:56:43 GMT

One Mom shares how her toddler's expressive language disorder impacted their potty learning journey (or didn't!)...

Hi! I’m Amelia, one of the sleep and potty coaches for Confident Parenting and a Mom to a 3 year old with an expressive language disorder. Here are 4 things I learned from my experience potty-training my kiddo with speech concerns.

Set Yourself Up for Success

First things first, make sure your kiddo has the foundational skills required to use the potty independently. This means we need to know if they can pull their pants up and down independently, and can they sit on the potty and stand up on their own. I decided we were going to dive in before I really checked on these skills, thinking my kiddo would pick them up along the way. I was wrong. We were pretty quickly at a roadblock. Once we were ready to add pants into the scenario, he lost the ability to pee without me. We had to work on that skill first. Check out these fun games to help your kiddo practice.

Kids Communicate in LOTS of way

Remember that verbal communication is not the only way that children communicate. How does your child let you know if they are hungry? Tired? Your child likely already uses non verbal cues to communicate their wants and needs. So you can go with what your kiddo already uses or you could use additional tools. Picture cards and sign language are great tools to add to your toolbox for kiddos having difficulty communicating verbally. Check out some examples below and download some free ones here .

It’s Not As Big A Deal As You Think It Is

When we were approaching potty-training age, I was worried about how my kiddo's speech was going to affect this entire process. We were already working SO hard with speech therapists and I couldn’t imagine needing to wait for more progress before we could start working on potty skills, but I thought that’s what might need to happen. I was pleasantly surprised by how little the speech concerns affected our overall potty learning journey. In fact, potty skills became a great source of pride and confidence for my kiddo who was struggling in other areas.

Have a Plan & Keep Your Cool-That’s Where We Come In!

When there is any concern that is creating a bit of a speed bump for your kiddo, we want to have a plan ahead of time and do our best to keep our cool as we help our little one work through this. If you are struggling with the potty learning journey, we are here to help . If you are concerned about your child’s speech/language skills, Talk, Eat, Play Grow of the Confident Parenting Village offers support to families in the Philadelphia Suburbs and the Main Line.

4 Newborn Sleep Facts You Want to Know

Tue, 22 Mar 2022 14:37:19 GMT

Mystified by your newborn's sleep? Here are 4 facts that may help it make more sense...

If you are a new or expecting parent, understanding what normal newborn sleep looks like, and why, is key to surviving this stage. Our sleep team has rounded up the top four facts you need to know.

Fact #1: Newborns Sleep Lightly

New parents often express concern that baby isn’t settling into deep sleep periods. It is reassuring to know that is normal. It takes an organized brain to rouse from deep sleep and newborns are designed to be disorganized. So, Mother Nature in effect says, “Hey baby. You’re too new to enter a deep sleep very often or to stay there very long. Let’s save that for later.” Newborns spend as much as 70% or so of their sleep periods in light cycles.

What it Means for You: In those light cycles, baby is prone to vocalizing and moving around quite a bit. If you are following the recommendation to keep baby close but that is resulting in too much disruption to your own sleep , you may need to reevaluate. Also don’t be too quick to intervene when baby is moving and making noise, assuming they are awake. Get in the habit of “stop, look and listen”, taking the time to notice whether they are truly awake and needing you or just sleeping lightly.

Fact #2: Newborn Sleep Cycles are Short

Unlike adults, who tend to sleep for at least 90 minutes at a stretch before shifting between cycles, newborns spend only 45-50ish minutes asleep before shifting. Again, rousing often is one more way Mother Nature protects a new, disorganized little human.

What it Means for You: Short cycles mean that you may hear from baby sooner than you hoped. Don’t be too quick to assume baby is done sleeping though. They may just need a bit of assistance shifting into the next sleep cycle. Think of it is a speed bump they need to be nudged over or through. Try getting to baby quickly and laying a heavy hand on their chest and/or jiggling the crib and making a shushing sound. If that isn’t working within a few minutes, try picking them up and spending 5-10 minutes helping them back to sleep in the same way you initially helped them into sleep.

Fact #3: Newborns Can Get “Stuck”

When a full-term baby is born, the brain is only about 25% of the way developed, much less mature than other mammals. For preterm babies, this holds true even more. Since the brain is the control center for the body, and since it has a long way to go in terms of maturing, babies struggle with self-regulation, the ability to shift between states. For example, a baby who is crying is unlikely to shift to a state of calm without your intervention. Similarly, a baby who is growing tired may get “stuck” in an awake state, becoming overtired and overprocessed unless you intervene. We expect our baby to need help with things like feeding and diapering but we don’t necessarily realize they may need the same level of help to fall and stay asleep. This often leads to what we refer to as colic or the witching hour(s), periods of inexplicable crying.

What it Means for You: This knowledge means you may need to be more proactive than reactive with your soothing techniques. Try to notice how much time baby has spent awake leading up to difficult periods of fussiness and fighting sleep. Then, for the next wake cycle, try to start your soothing to sleep techniques ahead of that mark. You may find that baby can only tolerate being awake for a maximum of 45, 60 or 75 minutes in these early months. That leaves little time for more than the “business” of feeding, changing and soothing but it may also mean a calmer baby who sleeps more soundly.

Fact #4: It’s All Temporary!

Around 12-16 weeks of age the brain changes rapidly, exploding in terms of development. Along with that leap, the structure of baby’s sleep cycles change and the capacity to learn to self-soothe begins to emerge. At that time, baby can safely spend more time in deeper cycles of sleep and learn to enter and navigate their cycles with less and, eventually, no help from you. Until then, your main goals are to keep baby’s level of stress hormones low and their sleep totals high, so you can get to know and enjoy each other and baby can develop in an ideal way.

What it Means for You: If feeding, holding/wearing, and rocking your baby to sleep and for sleep are what is needed to achieve that, that is OKAY. Since you are filling a legitimate need for your baby, there is no need to worry that you are creating a “ bad habit ”. Much like relying on diapers until the capacity to potty-train emerges, baby your baby with respect to sleep and there will be plenty of time for them to learn to become independent , once the capacity to be so is there.

Need more support to make sense of baby's sleep? Our team is here to help!

Meet Our Sleep Team...

5 Reasons Your Child Didn't Sleep Last Night

Tue, 15 Feb 2022 04:12:41 GMT

Was Your Baby or Child Up All Night? Here are 5 Reasons Why...

If you’re having trouble getting your child to sleep at night, you are not alone. Many parents struggle with dreaded bed time battles and overnight wake up calls, and are plagued with anxiety over what they’re doing "wrong".

The most common question we hear parents ask is, “Why isn’t my child sleeping through the night?!” While we all expect newborns to wake frequently, it is easy to lose hope when your older baby, toddler, or child continues to wake frequently each night. Our sleep team has put together the top five likely reasons you and your child were up last night...

Bedtime Falls Too Late

One of the most common reasons for both bedtime struggles and night waking is putting your baby or child to bed too late. Parents often try a later bedtime in an effort to fix sleep struggles, but a bedtime that falls beyond what your child’s internal clock is programmed for can easily lead to a wired kiddo , a lengthier process and a greater likelihood of interrupted sleep. It may seem counterintuitive, but moving bedtime earlier can actually result in less waking and sleeping later the next morning. Don’t be afraid to try it!

Not Enough Daytime Sleep

Ever hear the cliche phrase "A good night of sleep starts in the morning"? Meaning, the day sets the tone for the night. In other words, if your child isn’t getting enough daytime sleep to “fill up their tank,” you will likely see the results of that in bedtime struggles, night waking, and early rising. Don’t fall victim to the myth that if you keep your child awake they will crash overnight. Sleep begets sleep, so do your best to make sure those naps add up.

Awake Too Long Between Sleep Periods

In addition to getting enough daytime sleep, it is vital to keep the “windows” of awake time between sleep periods short enough to prevent a child from becoming overtired. Often, these windows are shorter than you think . When your child is awake too long before sleeping, hormones are released that make a child harder to settle and cause them to pop awake too soon.

Do your best to catch the wave of tiredness before it peaks and learn your little one’s early tired signals. If your child is crying and melting down or getting a sudden burst of energy and fighting sleep , it is likely too late, so aim for an earlier start next time. Also be aware that some children show little to no signs of being tired — and so by the time you start the bedtime process, they have already grown just a bit too tired. Even a shift of 10 to 15 minutes can make or break sleep for some little ones.

Going to Bed Too Drowsy or Asleep

Another common cause of night waking is putting your baby down when they’re too drowsy or completely asleep. Night waking is normal for all of us in between sleep cycles. It isn’t the waking that’s the problem — it is the inability to go back to sleep independently. A baby who is nursed, rocked, or held to sleep all or most of the time will likely need the same support to return to sleep overnight. A child who sees you present in the room at bedtime will likely wake and need you present again overnight. There are gentle and gradual ways to help little ones practice self-soothing skills so you can reduce or eliminate the support they need from you or other sleep crutches.

Inconsistency in Responding

The key to changing sleep habits is consistency. It is actually more important than the method or response you choose . When your child won’t fall asleep or is waking at night, we as parents often do whatever works in the moment. This can be very confusing to a curious mind and result in more frequent waking, as well as taking longer to return to sleep. While young babies are not manipulative (older babies can be and toddlers definitely are!), they can, in effect, learn to hold out to see what you may try next. The best approach is to choose a response you know you can follow through with each and every time and hang in there.

If you need support to determine why your baby or child is waking and what you can do about it, our sleep team is ready to help!

Originally Published on FamilyFocus.org

Meet the Sleep Team!...

6 Need to Know Tips About Baby Wake Windows

Mon, 24 Jan 2022 17:24:59 GMT

If sleep is a struggle for your baby, determining their ideal wake windows may be the solution...

One of the biggest keys to improving your baby’s sleep is determining their ideal window of wakefulness. More than just a buzzword, the window dictates how easy or difficult sleep will be to come by, as well as how sound the sleep will be and how long it will last. Our sleep team has outlined everything you need to know to start pinning each window down and nailing it as often as possible.

What is a Wake Window?

The wake window, or window of wakefulness, refers to how long your baby can comfortably remain awake before becoming overtired and developing a hormone driven second wind. This second wind can cause a baby to fight or skip a sleep period and/or shrink the duration of that sleep period.

Think of your baby’s level of tiredness as a wave in the ocean and yourselves as surfers- you want to paddle into that wave (wind baby down for sleep) as it is building, not after it has peaked. We are aiming to ride the wave smoothly, without crashing into it.

Should I Follow Baby’s Cues or the Clock?

Some babies are obvious and reliable with their sleepy cues. When they yawn, rub their eyes and become fussy, their wave is building and acting on those cues will bring a smooth result. However, most of the babies we work with are “tricky” babies. These are babies who show cues inconsistently, mask their sleepy cues until they can’t anymore and are already overtired, or who show no cues at all. If sleep is historically rough when you follow baby’s lead, you probably have a tricky baby .

In that case, you want to start the wind down routine ahead of when baby usually becomes fussy and that may require being more of a clock watcher. If that yields a smoother result, it is fine (and ideal!) to start baby’s sleep routine while they are still looking and acting totally fine. That just truly works best for many.

Where Should I Count From?

Since we are counting how much time has elapsed since baby last woke (the amount of sleep pressure or drive they have built up to fall asleep easily), count from when they woke - not from when you physically removed them from their sleep space.

What are Common Wake Windows by Age?

Wake windows increase often, with age. Young babies tend to have one window that repeats all day long while older babies will have shorter windows in the morning and longer ones later in the day. In which case you will be working with different maximums in each spot.

While every baby is different, here are some window ranges you can experiment with to start. Aim to have your baby ready to fall asleep by these marks, rather than heading up to start the process or being in the midst it at the goal times:

0-2 Months: Asleep by the 45-60 minute mark and the same window likely repeats all day

3 months: Asleep by the 60-75 minute mark and the same window likely repeats all day

4-5 Months: Asleep by the 90-120 minute mark and the same window may or may not repeat all day

6-9 Months: Asleep by the 2-3 hour mark and each window may vary at this age with the shortest ones being early in the day

8-9 Months: Probably a 2-3-4 window pattern meaning, asleep by the 2 hour mark for nap one, the 3 hour mark for nap three, and the 4 hour mark for bedtime

14 Months - 2 Years: Asleep by the 5 hour mark for nap and bedtime and occasionally 6 for some

Don't Ignore the Clock

Some sources will tell you that, as baby grows older, the windows go out the window (pun intended!) in favor of a clock schedule. It really depends on the child. Some are more clock driven while others are more window driven and, while age can determine that, so can temperament and how sensitive a child is to small variances in elapsed awake time. Some of us have the kind of baby who will continue to need to make small adjustments in clock times each day, rather than shifting to a set clock schedule.

Additionally, wake windows are only half the picture. Every child has their own internal clock (circadian rhythm) that dictates what ranges on the clock will yield the smoothest sleep. Meaning, we can’t follow the window but ignore the clock - we need to balance both. For example, a 4 month old with a 90 minute max window should be asleep for bedtime within the 6:30-7:30pm range for the smoothest result. If you nail the 90 minute window but put baby down at 9pm, sleep will probably still be messy. If you need to cap one sleep period (wake your baby) to protect the fact that they can have their ideal amount of wake time but still feel appropriately sleepy within a specific clock range, that is what you should do.

How Do I Know if Baby’s Windows Are Changing?

If your baby was previously falling asleep quickly and easily but is now taking upwards of 15-20 minutes or more to fall asleep, happily or unhappily, it is likely time to make an adjustment. A few words of caution:

* Wait until baby is struggling to fall asleep repeatedly , in the same spot, before adjusting. Anything can cause a one off struggle and we don’t want to adjust if an adjustment isn’t needed.

* Don’t assume all spots need to adjust at once. Only adjust any spot where it is taking baby longer than usual or involving more drama than usual.

* Adjust by about how long it is taking and compare. If the result is smoother, you have the new window for that spot. If there is still a period of struggle, adjust one more time by how long the struggle is lasting.

For example, let’s say your 4 month old was falling asleep easily and quickly when put down (or assisted to sleep) by or just before the 90 minute mark. Then you gradually notice that, at bedtime, they are now babbling, rolling around, or fussing and crying for 15-30 minutes for the past 3 or 4 nights. As an experiment, increase the problematic window by 15 minutes and compare how bedtime goes. If baby is again falling asleep quickly and easily, 105 minutes is the new bedtime window (even if earlier windows are still maxing out at 90 minutes). If it still takes 15 minutes, especially if drama is involved, try another 15 minute delay, and compare how bedtime goes. If baby is again falling asleep quickly and easily, 120 minutes is the new bedtime window (even if earlier windows are still maxing out at 90-105 minutes). Adjusting only the spots that are problematic and only in small increments at a time, you should be able to determine baby’s new sweet spot(s) for sleep!

If all else fails our sleep team is at the ready to help you track and troubleshoot sleep timing or any other sleep challenge. Schedule a discovery call to learn more about our support options.

Meet Our Sleep Team...

5 Sleep Training Myths, Busted

Tue, 11 Jan 2022 04:33:39 GMT

We're Busting the Top 5 Myths that Prevent Families from Improving their Sleep...

As pediatric sleep consultants who have worked with hundreds of families , we’ve encountered many myths surrounding the support we offer and what the sleep training process involves. Here are just a few of those common myths and the truths that bust them.

Myth #1: “Sleep Coaches Make Babies Cry!”

Truth: Many of the exasperated parents who come to us for support are doing so because they are already experiencing a ton of crying. Their best efforts to rock and feed to sleep or even to cosleep are resulting in endless tears and frustration and very little sleep! These parents are reaching out to understand why and how to make it stop. Rather than “forcing” baby to cry, a sleep professional analyzes the timing and totals of sleep, the routines preceding sleep, and the sleep environment to eliminate the drama. We are helping parents set the ideal scene for sleep to unfold peacefully and without tears.

Myth #2: “Sleep Training Means Leaving My Baby to Cry It Out Alone.”

Truth: Learning something new is hard and if baby is learning a new way to sleep, yes, there will likely be at least a few tears shed as baby’s way of protesting the changes. There are, however, many ways to minimize, and sometimes avoid, tears and there are paths that allow you to respond to baby if not be present throughout the entire learning process. Sleep training, or sleep learning as we prefer to call it, does not mean your child has to cry alone without a response or support. You do not need an all or nothing, cold turkey plan! You can work toward your goals gradually , weaning off the support you provide as your little one begins to catch on.

Myth #3: “Sleep Training Means I’ll Have to Night Wean.”

Truth: This may depend on who you are working with. In our opinion, especially when working with a baby under 9-12 months of age, night weaning is not the goal at all. It is entirely possible to improve sleep and to build in overnight feeds while doing so. Our goal with each family is to reduce night feeding to something that is reasonable for baby’s age, health, etc. and is sustainable for the parents. Even when total night weaning is a family’s goal, we often suggest they address the foundations of sleep and bedtime skills before attempting to reduce and eliminate overnight feeds.

Myth #4: “I’ve Tried Everything– Sleep Training Does Not Work for My Child!”

Truth: Every child can learn to sleep! Barring an underlying medical or developmental issue, your child can learn to sleep just as surely as they can learn to roll, crawl and walk. Nearly every parent that comes to us truly feels like they have tried everything and is surprised to see much better results with our plan. The keys to success are laying the ideal foundation, creating a plan your child can respond to, and implementing it consistently. Many parents who have seen little to no results are unaware of what these foundations are and how to align them or are doing something that (unintentionally) confuses their child, making progress difficult if not impossible. And many of us try too many things or simply throw in the towel before our child has had a chance to catch on.

Myth #5: “We’ll Just Have to Start Over as Soon as My Child Gets Sick”

Truth: Yes, there are obstacles along the way that can temporarily disrupt even the best sleepers. However, once your child masters this skill and is generally well rested, they will be able to approach them from a better place and recover more quickly. Sickness, teething , travel and more can cause your child to grow overtired and want more help to get to sleep and back to sleep. They do not cause them to forget how to sleep though! Much like riding a bike, they should be able to get right back on once they are well again. The trap many of us fall into is backsliding so far during the setback that we feel like we are starting from scratch. We encourage our families, once they’ve reached their happy place, to pack the tools they used into a figurative toolbox they can pull out and use again when setbacks arise. It is also important to have a conversation before setbacks arise about exactly what you will and won’t do. You can offer your child extra support while still being cautious to maintain the progress you’ve made. And then require them to get right back on that bike as soon as they turn the corner.

If you’ve been avoiding addressing your child’s sleep issues due to these myths, perhaps you’ll reconsider. Sleep is a learned skill and one that contributes to the sanity and happiness of the whole family. Much like the skill of walking, though, your child needs the opportunity to practice and master it, with your support.

Regardless of your goals and parenting style, you can take steps toward improved sleep in a way you feel confident in and comfortable with. Why not reach out today about creating a plan together?

4 Things I Learned While Potty Training - Amelia's Story

Wed, 08 Dec 2021 14:32:33 GMT

Our Own Team Member, Amelia, Shares All the Feels Surrounding the Approach to Potty-Training & Getting Derailed...

Amelia is our virtual assistant extraordinaire & one of the potty and sleep consultants on our team. She recently started the potty-training journey with her two year old and was willing to share all the feels about that and her lessons learned, for anyone who needs to hear them...

"I am Amelia, and I am the administrative assistant for Confident Parenting as well as a potty coach. I have been working for Confident Parenting for about 2 years. I love working for this business for a few reasons, one of them being that it allows me to have time to spend with my kiddo who will be 3 shortly. We decided over the summer that we would start potty-training, and I will admit, I felt pretty confident that I could do it. I have potty trained children in daycare and therapy settings and support other families through the same process. How hard could it be?! Well, here are three lessons I've learned, so far, along the way.

Lesson #1: It's Harder When It's Your own Kiddo

The problem was that now I had to do this with my child, which felt a lot more daunting and emotional. My child is sweet as can be...until he’s not. He also has an expressive language disorder that creates an additional obstacle for us in some scenarios. I was a little nervous to get started because I had some concerns about communication, but I knew we would figure it out together and that the rest of the Confident Parenting Team would certainly give me some support if I needed it. So we dove in and took the diapers away!

Lesson #2: Even the "Experts" Get Derailed

We were doing great...and then a terrible stomach bug hit our house and went on for days. The timing was terrible and I made the executive decision that we needed the diapers to survive that week. By the end of that week, we had a new problem. We hadn’t seen a bowel movement for more than 48 hours. That sounds pretty alarming, but the pediatrician wasn’t terribly concerned because there wasn’t much eating happening. We decided to wait 24 more hours.

By the next morning, there were no longer stomach bug symptoms, but we were dealing with crying and whining pretty non-stop. My poor kiddo was asking us to carry him from room to room, but just would not settle. We were concerned about dehydration, so we went to the local Children’s hospital. We are very lucky and we live very close to top children’s hospitals. When we arrived he continued to be sad and cry off and on. The medical professionals could not have been more patient and kind with us, especially the grown ups. We were very nervous parents! We ended up getting an X-ray and an ultrasound. The ultrasound technician was amazing, and my little one slept through the entire thing. The X-ray was not such a simple endeavor. We didn’t have to leave, but I couldn’t keep my kiddo snuggled up in my arms. There were a lot of tears, but again the techs were wonderful and went as quickly as possible.

Then an attending physician came to speak with us and explained a Post-Viral Ileus. It was a concept that I had not heard of before (and neither had my mom). The Dr. explained that sometimes when children have a particularly bad stomach bug, their Gastrointestinal system slows itself down but sometimes a little too much. So in this case it needs a little jump start. An enema, which I’ll admit sounded much worse than it actually was. The staff member who came to help us had a very precise system and she did it in, I would guess, less than 30 seconds. Then we waited a few minutes for a bowel movement and we got to go home good as new! I decided that we all needed to recover from this illness/our emergency room adventure.

Lesson #3: A Reset is Always Possible (But It's No Less Daunting!)

We kept the diapers for 6 weeks before trying again. Once that experience felt far enough behind us, we decided it was time to reset with potty-training. When we finally got to our restart day on the calendar, I was terrified. I absolutely did not want to do anything that could disrupt this little person’s bowel movements. From potty coach experience, I know all too well how common it is for kiddos to withhold their poo. Even though I was nervous, I knew those nerves wouldn’t go away if I waited any longer. So I ripped the band aid off and we removed the diapers from our days entirely. It has now been more than a week since we have used a “white box diaper”, as my little one calls them, during waking hours.

On the first day he held the poop all day and my nerves started to bubble up. But almost as soon as I decided to relax about it, so did he. We had success on the potty and it was like a switch clicked. We are now going strong accident free for almost a week!

Lesson #4: It Takes a Village

I was surprised by my anxiety over approaching and reapproaching the process, given my experience. I was also surprised by how many questions popped up that I wanted a neutral (read "not highly emotional and overly invested) person to weigh in on. It just proves that this parenting gig really does take a village, even if you are a supposed "expert".

If you are nervous about jumping into the potty-training process, we are moms who have been through it, or are currently going through it, as well as certified coaches and we are here to help!

Grieving the Gradual Loss of Cosleeping - Amelia's Story

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 19:36:45 GMT

Our Own Team Member, Amelia, Shares All the Feels Surrounding Moving Away from Bedsharing...

Amelia is our virtual assistant extraordinaire & one of the potty consultants on our team. This sleeping cutie is her 2.5 year old kiddo, sleeping �� in his own crib FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER! Their cosleeping journey is gently transforming and she was willing to share all the feels about that for anyone who needs to hear it...

"Hi, I’m Amelia. I am mom to the sweetest little 2.5 year old boy. I honestly didn’t know it before I had my baby, but apparently I am what some would describe as a kind of ‘Crunchy Mom’. I am still breastfeeding my toddler, I was all about babywearing my little guy and we were/are a bedsharing family.

Initially I didn’t share this information with other people. I thought I should be ashamed of what I was seeing as my inability to get my baby to sleep independently in his crib. Especially because I work for a sleep consultant! The thing was, my baby could sleep independently for periods of time. It was me that was having such a problem sleeping without my baby. I have always dealt with anxiety, but those concerns became especially heightened during the postpartum period. Lack of sleep would make the anxiety worse.

I finally decided to research bedsharing . I came to the conclusion that this would be what was best for our family. It was great for us. I was able to sleep like a normal person and I found it to be very helpful in our breastfeeding journey , which was very important to me.

But here’s the thing: my little baby is almost 3 and he’s tall now. A few weeks ago I noticed that he was becoming very restless in his sleep. He was kicking us and waking more frequently asking for sips of water or a pillow or a blanket adjustment. I realized that he was showing us that he was ready for and needed his own space for sleep. This made me a little sad, but also incredibly anxious. His crib is directly next to our bed and I decided we would make this change in a very gradual manner. Mostly for me to acclimate. So a week ago, I started putting him down in his crib after I nursed him to sleep.

I told myself that I would only leave him in the crib until he woke up. On the first night that was 5 hours. 7pm-Midnight. I was so nervous about this that I walked around holding the video monitor, never looking away. We have now stretched that to 7 or 7.5 hours, and last week I even managed to take a shower while he was asleep in his crib because I could listen to the monitor. That was a very big step for me!

We will continue to gradually stretch out his time in his independent sleep space. This has been hard for me, but I know he was ready for this. I don’t think my Mama heart was ready, but I am surviving and the video monitor is definitely helping. "

If you or your kiddo are ready to move away from your current sleeping arrangement, we can help AND WE GET IT! Amongst our team , we've coslept, we've breastfed and we've grieved the natural and necessary conclusions of both. Knowing how and when to do that can feel overwhelming, among other things. Why not let us walk with you on your journey?

Four Reasons Your Child Won't Poop on the Potty

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 12:53:24 GMT

Struggling to get poops on the potty? You are not alone! Here are four common reasons and their solutions...

If your kiddo’s potty learning journey is looking like any of these scenarios, you are not alone:

• Peeing on the potty is going great, but your kiddo is unwilling or unable to poop there.

• Your child asks for (demands?) a diaper or pull-up to poop in or gets one themselves.

• They hold their poo until nap or nighttime.

• Your child refuses to sit on the potty for poo and loses their mind if you try to make them sit.

• They will sit (forever!) but nothing happens.

• Poo always or often ends up in their underwear or pants or on the floor.

• Your child hasn’t pooped AT ALL since you introduced the potty.

Quite an exhaustive list, huh?! The “bad” news is that these challenges are very common. The good news is that we’ve seen and tackled them all and we can help!

Contrary to what your best friend or Facebook group might tell you, these challenges are not signs that your kiddo isn’t ready. So, what’s a parent to do? Determining and working through the root cause is key. Here are four common reasons for poop struggles and their solutions:

#1 Lack of Privacy

Can you remember a time when you rushed into the stall to go but then froze up when someone entered the one beside you? Our muscles need to relax to release, and a lack of privacy can cause them to tighten. Yes, you may need to be present to assist your child and you may need a potty on hand in the main area of the home in this early stage. However, find ways to offer privacy too. For example, can you place the potty behind something? Get them seated and pretend you forgot your phone and go retrieve it? Have a blanket or cape beside the potty so they can wrap it around their shoulders and “hide”? Many children will have a movement when we just step away for a moment.

#2 Fear of the Unfamiliar

Fear is a normal human response to change and to the unfamiliar and a loss of control. Have you ever seen your toddler freak out when you cut the sandwich the “wrong” way? Talked your preschooler down from panic when there was a new food on their plate? It is developmentally appropriate for young children to display neophobia or a fear of new things. The whole world is new to them, and, at the same time, their imaginations are in full bloom. It’s no wonder then that losing the “security blanket” of the diaper or pull-up and having to relax and release in a new location and position can cause fear, reluctance and refusal. Imagine if you had to poop standing up on the couch! You would probably feel equally reluctant and, even if you tried, your muscles might struggle to cooperate.

To help your child work through this normal fear, imagine you are their labor coach. They need to “birth” this poo and, to do so, they need someone calm, confident, and collected by their side. Speak in a low, slow voice without any hint of hurriedness or desperation. Let them know you are there to help when they are ready. Try to determine whether they need privacy, as outlined above, or physical comfort like a bear hug or a back rub while trying. If you need to just work on sitting and trying for now and releasing a bit down the road, baby steps are fine.

#3 A “Menu” of Options

Your child has known just one way of going for two to three years and may not be super fond of letting that go. So, it would be understandable that, if that option is still on the menu, they may not get on board with the new one. It is very challenging, and sometimes impossible, to learn a new way to do something while still actively participating in the old, and more preferred way. Meaning, if you are asking your child to pee and poo on the potty during the day, but reverting back to diapers and pull-ups for sleep, that may be the hold up. Yes, there are children who can learn that way but yours may not be one of them. Some kiddos have a smoother process when we make one big change – this is just where and how we go now. If they aren’t able to stay dry yet, that will require some preparation and possibly an active night training process on your part. Once the potty is the only option, it will no longer be the lesser of two options.

#4 An Underlying Physical Cause

Assuming you’ve covered all your bases thus far, your child’s poop struggles might boil down to an underlying physical cause, such as constipation and/or withholding – one of which can trigger the other. If your child’s stool is large and hard to pass, that will increase their reluctance and inability to relax and release. In turn, they may begin to withhold. On the flip side, if they are afraid of the new scenario and hold their poo as a result, they may become constipated. Food intolerances, large amounts of dairy products, and picky eating will only compound these issues. If you suspect your child is constipated or withholding, speak to their pediatrician or a pediatric gastrointestinal specialist to discuss ways to soften their stool and relax those muscles.

Like so many other aspects of parenting, this too shall pass. Once your child goes enough times in this new way, all that unfamiliarity will melt away and the poo will come easily. In the meantime, if you need support to tackle the battle of the poops, or any potty learning challenge, we can help!

4 Tips for Simple & Predictable Mealtimes

Wed, 13 Oct 2021 16:06:54 GMT

Struggling at Mealtimes? Feeding specialist Kristin Quinn shares four tips to bring simplicity back to your table.

The thing about parenting advice is that it spans a wide spectrum, everyone thinks they know best , every generation changes up the dos and don’ts, and as a new or anxious parent, it can all feel very overwhelming. Add in social media, and it is enough to make a person feel crazy.

To me, the best advice is to do what feels right . Read the theories, the different opinions, and pull from all the information what resonates with you, and what you have success with. If you aren’t feeling that success, you’re feeling overwhelmed, or you’ve just hit a wall – consult an expert. Maybe that expert will be helpful or maybe they won’t, but they can help clarify the rationale behind why they do it the way they do.

In terms of mealtimes, and many areas of life with children, a schedule can be helpful . A lot of adults hear ‘schedule’ and feel constricted. They don’t want to be held to a strict set of daily requirements, they want to be able to run out of the house whenever they want, or be spontaneous, plan their day or their weekend on the fly, or accept a last minute invitation. Other people love strict schedules – it gives them a sense of control and predictability. This sense of predictability is what is most helpful when dealing with children.

[Most] Kids like to know what to expect, and what is expected of them . It creates a sense of comfort and familiarity, and calm – all things that are very beneficial to children.

Rather than adhering to a strict and rigid timetable/schedule, consider these four guidelines to keep mealtimes on track in your home:

#1 Come to the Table

Once past exclusive breast or bottle feeding, children should come to the table about three – five times per day. Three meals, and two snacks is average for most children. Sure, snacks can be on the go, but I personally recommend bringing them to the table anytime they are eating when possible.

#2 Stick to a "Schedule"

Mealtimes and snacks should follow a predictable routine – breakfast soon after they wake up, a mid-morning snack, lunch, mid-afternoon snack, dinner. The specific times aren’t that important, but kids should be able to predict when they are going to have access to food and what is expected of them (as in, coming to the table).

#3 Have a Mealtime Routine

Meals should follow a familiar routine – call them to the table, perhaps your family does a blessing of some sort, family/eating time, clean up time.

#4 Keep the Mood Light

Even if eating is a challenge for your kiddo, the most important thing that happens at mealtimes is family interaction, social development, and connection. If you are feeling overwhelmed, worried, or anxious about your child’s behavior or health in terms of mealtimes – reach out for support!

5 Tips for Stress Free School Lunches

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 15:58:12 GMT

Are school lunches coming home uneaten?

Is your kiddo coming home hangry?

Toddlers and Tomatoes has all the tips for successful and stress free school lunch packing...

Whether you are a first time parent sending a little one off to preschool, or you are a seasoned pro with multiple children, school lunch can bring up a lot of stress and anxiety for everyone. At first thought, it may seem like a no brainer, but then lunches come home uneaten, and children come home hangry, and you’re left wondering what went wrong.

Below are some things to consider before packing those cute little lunchboxes:

1. Be Informed

School lunch can look different from school to school, and grade to grade, and covid year to covid year. Make sure you read up on the current guidelines and procedures for your child’s school, grade, and the current state of the world. Find out where your child will be eating, if they have access to microwaves or anything else you are banking on, if an adult is available to help them open things, whether there are allergies in the class or grade that will impact what you can send, and most importantly - how long the lunch time period is.

2. Practice Opening EVERYTHING

Practice with your child. Pack a lunch you intend to send to school, in the containers and packages that you intend to send it in, and see if your child has any issues opening the lunch box, thermos, or packaging. Figure out where the obstacles are and come up with a solution BEFORE sending that lunch to school.

3. Practice Eating Within a Short Timeframe

Lunch is short; have your child practice eating most of their lunch in 20 minutes or less. If your child likes to take their time and savor every bite, chances are they will have a lot of food left at the end of lunch, and that can impact the rest of their day. Not only are lunch periods often short, there is usually a lot of distraction. Lunch is a time for socializing, and some children will spend all of their time chatting, and not a lot of time eating. This is particularly true in the elementary years, when no one is usually monitoring if they are actually eating or not. Talk with your child about what to eat first, and remind them to eat first, chat later.

4 . Stick With Favorite Foods

Don’t send unfamiliar food for school lunch. Lunch is an important energy boost for kids to get through their afternoon. You want to be sure that you are sending food that they will eat. School lunch is not the time for experimenting. One caveat, if you’ve packed a few familiar items and want to throw something new in there to see what happens, go for it. But don’t be upset if it comes home, or *gasp* goes in the trash.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Bend Your Food "Rules"

Healthy eating is important, and so is sanity. Lots of parents start off the school year with the intention of packing lunches that are perfectly balanced and healthy with no questionable ingredients, etc. That is a noble goal, and if you find doing that easy and relaxing and non-negotiable, and your kids gobble those things up, then that is great. However, if the thought of keeping up with those perfectly balanced meals brings you undue stress, remind yourself that it is ok to find some pre-packaged items that make packing lunches easier, and your kids happy and fueled for their day.

One final note – don’t forget that your child has other opportunities to eat during the day. They may make up for what is missed at lunch when they come home and grab an afternoon snack, or dinner, which you can likely tailor more to their preferences, moods, and hunger.

If school lunch is a stressor in your life and you want some help troubleshooting, reach out!

6 Sensory Steps to Smooth Sleep

Fri, 23 Jul 2021 14:53:25 GMT

Board Certified Occupational Therapist Alyssa Celentano of Play at Home shares her six sensory steps to smooth sleep for your kiddo...

Sleep is an important daily routine that helps support good attention and learning the next day, as well as overall development. A healthy bedtime routine can be achieved through creating a calm environment for the senses and helping the child enter a calm state.

If your child takes a long time to fall asleep or wakes very easily, try incorporating these six steps into the evening routine:

Limit Screen Time

Avoid screen time for your child in the hour leading up to bedtime. Much like sunlight that tells our brain to wake up in the morning, research shows that the light from any screen can be very alerting and make it harder to fall asleep.

Slow Down the Activity Level

Avoid physical activity for the hour leading up to bedtime- running, jumping, climbing, or dancing can increase heart rate and adrenaline that will give your child an unwanted burst of energy. We're looking at you Dads!...No tossing them up in the air right before tuck in. If your kiddos have a nightly ritual of chasing each other down the halls, try scheduling it earlier in the evening and setting an audible or visual timer that signals it is time to slow down and "put the house to sleep."

Add Soothing Sounds

Consider creating a calm environment by dimming the lights, using a white noise machine , or playing slow rhythmic music. Children that struggle with separation may benefit from listening to guided meditation stories for kids .

Create & Repeat Calming "Triggers"

Create a consistent bedtime routine with quiet and soothing activities-a warm bath, massage with lotion, reading a bedtime story, or simple yoga poses are all great pre-bedtime options. Doing the same steps in the same order will help cue your child's brain and body for sleep.

Stick to the Clock

This one is easier said than done parents...schedule bedtime and wake up at consistent times, including weekends. You want the clock to work for, not against you and your child and that happens when the body knows when sleep is coming.

Try a Weighted Blanket

Explore use of a toddler or child-size weighted blanket , which can help the nervous system to settle down from the feeling of evenly distributed deep pressure. The blanket weight should not exceed 10% of your child’s total body weight and your child must be able to independently remove the blanket.

If you already have these things in place and your kiddo still struggles to settle and remain asleep, they may have a sensory processing issue. An evaluation with an occupational therapist can help determine this and create a sensory diet to make sleep easier to come by. Learn more about our sleep and Play at Home's in-home occupational therapy support below and don't hesitate to reach out!

**As an Amazon Affiliate I may earn on qualifying purchases**

Could Constipation be Causing Your Child's Accidents? 9 Signs to Look For

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 22:59:03 GMT

Still Struggling with Accidents Months or Years into the Potty Learning Process? Constipation Could be the Culprit...

Think of constipation not in terms of how often a child poops, but in terms of whether there is a backup of poop in the colon and rectum. When that is the case, the rectum stretches and becomes desensitized, causing poop to drop out unexpectedly and a child to not feel the urge to go. This in turn causes more poop to back up and the cycle continues. Not to mention this blockage presses on, and sometimes even flattens, the bladder, causing daytime and nighttime pee accidents.

Here are 9 (possibly unexpected) signs your child is constipated:

1. Extra Large Poops – Think poops that are bigger than yours! Want to get technical about it? We’re talking larger than ¾” x 6”.

2. Firm or Super Loose Poops – Rabbit pellets, sausages and logs are not a great sign, but very loose stool isn’t either. The latter can indicate stool that is oozing around the clog. Ready for a gross analogy? You’re looking for thin snakes or mushy blobs, like soft serve ice cream or a chocolate milkshake.

3. Poop Accidents – When the rectum is full of poo, it stretches, causing poo to drop out without warning.

4. Bedwetting & Pee Accidents or Frequent or Urgent Peeing – A full and stretched rectum squishes the bladder, causing it to release pee without warning or control.

5. Recurrent UTI’s – When poop is overflowing, bacteria can travel up to the bladder.

6. Infrequent & Frequent Pooping - Pooping less than daily can be a sign but it is important to emphasize that daily pooping does not rule constipation out. Pooping more than twice a day or more can indicate a stretched-out rectum that lacks the tone to fully empty.

7. Belly Pain – Constipation is the #1 cause of belly pain in children.

8. Skid Marks & Itching – When a child can’t fully evacuate and is clogged, wiping is harder and that can lead to an itchy anus and skid marks.

9. Ongoing Trouble with Potty Learning – If your child is older than 3.5 years and/or has been stalled in the learning process for months or years, constipation is a very likely culprit.

What can you do if you suspect your child is constipated? An abdominal X-ray can confirm a blockage which can be resolved with a combination of treatments such as laxatives, suppositories and/or enemas. While that sounds scary (and traumatic!) to most parents, so is going about your day with a body full of poop and the drama of accidents at home and school and the strain it puts on a family. Finding the right product(s) and dosing to clear your child’s blockage and help their body recover will likely take some trial and error. A word of caution – you may encounter resistance from your child’s doctor and, if so, will need to advocate for them on this issue or seek out a specialist and/or second opinion.

5 Tips for Introducing Quiet Time to Your Toddler

Fri, 04 Jun 2021 17:23:29 GMT

Grieving the Loss of Your Child's Daily Nap? Here are 5 Tips to Help Them Transition to Quiet Time...

While many children will continue to nap until 3-5 years of age, every child will reach an age and stage where they either refuse to nap or you decide the nap has become counterproductive . When that time comes, you may want to transition to a daily quiet or chill time. This allows your child to have some down time from their day and gives you a break from your child.

Smooth quiet times don’t typically just happen, so here are five tips to set you and your child up for success:

Stick to the Clock

Quiet time will be smoothest if you transition seamlessly from napping each day to chilling around the same time of day and in the same location. Meaning, don’t try to introduce it down the road after a period of skipping the daily nap. Introduce it right away, as soon as your child stops napping. Head to your child’s room around what was their standard nap time, do a short wind down routine, and set them up with activities and toys they can occupy themselves with independently. Don’t expect them to stay put and quiet for the full length if they aren’t sleeping - one hour or something similar is most reasonable.

Add Novelty

Playing independently is tough for many children. Help them be more engaged and independent by creating several quiet time/chill time busy boxes or bins that are full of toys, books, sticker/activity books, etc. that they only have access to during quiet time. The novelty of the items should hold their attention longer than their standard toys would and you can cycle the boxes/bins and the items in them to keep the novelty level working for you over time.

Get Them Started

You may need to model quiet time for your child at first. Help them discover what toys, activities are available to them and get them engaged. Then step away briefly as in, “I need to go use the potty. I’ll be right back to check on you.” Return to their doorway and say something like, “You’re doing great. I have to go x and I’ll be right back.” Over time, step away for longer periods, until your child is accustomed to spending the entire quiet time independently.

Consider a Toddler Clock

Consider giving your child a way to know when rest time is or isn’t over. There are many options for toddler clocks that serve this purpose. Some use pictures while others use colors. Keep it simple and choose one you think your child will understand with time and reinforcement. The Hatch, Gro, Ok to Wake, Big Red Rooster and KidSleep Bunny Clock are popular options, all available on Amazon. You might say something like, “The clock is resting. You need to rest too.” And after one hour of quiet time, “Yay! The clock is awake! Now we can come out and play!”

Consider a Consequence or Let it Go

If your child won’t cooperate with staying put in their room and/or playing quietly, you’ll have a choice to make. One option is to let the concept of quiet time go to avoid drama. Keep your kiddo awake and busy all day and just enjoy the freedom that comes with not having to be home around naptime! Or throw a movie on after lunch and let them zone out.

Another option is to give them a reason to cooperate with quiet time in their room. You can use a gate, the Door Monkey , or a lock on their door and explain, “You are having trouble remembering to play quietly in your room until the clock wakes up. I will need to close your door to help you remember.” See the secured door through until quiet time is over (even if there is drama involved) but offer a fresh chance next time. As in, “I didn’t like having to close/lock the door and I know you didn’t like it either. So, today, let’s try again. I will leave the door open/cracked and be right back to check on you if you can remember to stay in your room and play quietly until the clock wakes up.”

Your toddler wants to be in charge so let them! Offer a warm and fuzzy option or a less desirable one and let them decide how things will play out. Again, if you aren’t up for seeing that through, just adjust your expectations and let it go.

Need support to troubleshoot sleep challenges? Let's chat!

Should My Preschooler Still Be Napping?

Fri, 04 Jun 2021 17:23:20 GMT

Is Your Preschooler Fighting or Refusing Their Nap?
Napping well but Fighting Bedtime or Waking Too Early?

Here's Are Some Tips for Navigating this Stage...

Sleep struggles are not just for babies, am I right? You may have been coasting on your kiddo's schedule for years when, all of a sudden, they begin fighting or skipping their daily nap. Or, as is more often the case, taking a solid nap but fighting bedtime until 9, 10, 11pm and/or waking WAY too early every morning. What is a parent to do when the nap is becoming a battle or starting to feel counterproductive? Here are are a few tips to help you troubleshoot and navigate this transition...

Protect Nighttime Sleep

Very often at this age a child is willing and able to take a solid nap each day. However, given that their sleep needs are changing and they likely only need around 11ish hours of sleep in 24 hours, getting a chunk of that during the day can become counterproductive and lead to bedtime battles and/or early rising. If your child is unable to fall asleep at a time that allows for a total of at least 10.5 hours of sleep overnight, or if asleep time starts to creep past 8:30 pm (or whatever seems to be their ideal bedtime), it is time to consider limiting or even dropping the nap. Your goal is to protect a smooth, ideally timed bedtime and a decent total of overnight hours, even if the nap needs to be compromised to make that happen.

You will need to experiment by waking your child to determine whether there is a magical amount of nap length and end time that allows for ideal bedtime timing and a smooth bedtime process. For example, you might determine that a 45 minute nap, so long as it ends by X, brings a great result at night whereas a 90 minute nap that ends as late as Y does not. If you find it, you can hold onto the nap until you start to experience the same bedtime struggle. We always want to limit nap at this age to protect the timing of bedtime and the overnight total. That schedule might look something like this:

7/7:30 Wake

1/1:30 Nap (Wake by X minutes and X time on the clock)

8/8:30 Asleep for Bedtime

Dropping the Daily Nap

When your child gives up their nap, or if you decide to drop it because it is interfering with bedtime, be aware that the overnight total may need to go up by about 30-60 minutes to pick up some of that nap sleep. Unless they start sleeping in (Lol!) you will need to shift bedtime earlier to accommodate that greater total.

Without the nap they are likely to need about 11.5 hours of overnight sleep (versus the maybe 10.5 they needed with the nap). You can count backwards from their average morning wake time to determine where bedtime should fall to allow for that total. Also know that, when they are first dropping the nap, an even earlier bedtime may be needed temporarily to ease the transition. They can be asleep as early as 6:30 pm at first and you can gradually creep that into the 7:30-8:30 range as they adjust. It is much more ideal to solve crankiness with an earlier wind down and bedtime than to allow your older child to catch a nap in the late afternoon.

We are often asked why, if a child needs 11ish hours in a 24 hour period, it wouldn’t work smoothly to break those hours into a 2 hour nap with a later bedtime and 9 hours overnight. The reason is that smooth sleep is about quantity, yes, but also about quality. And sleep quality is dictated by whether our sleep times match our internal clock. Many this age act most rested when they get the full amount of hours overnight, rather than distributing some into a nap and some into the night. If you’re experiencing bedtime battles, overnight waking, early rising and/or behavioral issues, your child is likely trying to tell you their schedule feels “off”.

But My Child Needs and Wants to Nap!

I know. Your 3/4/5 year old acts exhausted by nap time and crashes, leading you to resist all of the above. I see this very often and it is a vicious cycle that goes like this: I fought bedtime last night so I fell asleep too late and got too little sleep. Hence, I am exhausted by nap time and I crash. Hence I fight bedtime and fall asleep too late and get too little sleep. Hence I need a nap again the next day. And so on. Ultimately, you may need to bite the bullet and pull the nap, shifting bedtime earlier as outlined above. Once your child is getting an adequate total and that total is distributed in an ideal way, for a long enough period of time, (no, a few days of trying is not enough) they will begin to act better rested and be able to easily make it to bedtime.

A Note on Nap Transitions

...They stink! You will feel as if you are all held hostage between two schedules, neither of which fit. Just like when you are between clothing sizes, one schedule feels too tight (too much sleep too close together) and the other feels too loose (not enough sleep or sleep that is spread too far apart). That is just the nature of nap transitions and it does not mean you are doing it “wrong” or that your child wasn’t ready. Assuming there is no way to make the old schedule resume smoothly, just keep at it and your child will adjust in time.

Consider Transitioning to Quiet Time

When you or your child drop the nap, consider transitioning to a daily quiet time so they can get a break from their day and you can get a break from each other. While you can't force your child to sleep when they aren't tired, you can enforce a break or rest time each day. This may take a bit of planning and practice so be sure to check out our 5 tips for a smooth quiet time. And feel free to schedule a chat if you need support to tackle this or any sleep struggle.

The 4 Month Sleep Regression: What is it & what can you do about it?!

Tue, 27 Apr 2021 13:24:30 GMT

Just what causes baby to wake so frequently around this age? Pediatric sleep consultant Bernadette Samuels demysitifies this often difficult time for new parents and young babies.

Spend just a moment on social media or around other parents and you will not be able to avoid talk of the dreaded “4 month sleep regression.” Whether you have been warned that it is coming or are in the midst of it – it’s a good news/bad news scenario. The bad news? You can’t prevent or avoid it. The good news? With a little help from us, you can understand what it is and how to navigate it.

What Causes the Four Month Sleep Regression?

Many parents experience an initial period of sleep deprivation when they bring their infant home, followed by a blissful one where baby settles into a more predictable pattern, waking only once or twice to eat. Then, as if someone flipped a switch, frequent waking resumes as often as every 2 hours over night and every 30-45 minutes during naps, often around the 4 month mark. This sudden shift is caused by a rapid leap in brain development and a resulting maturation of sleep patterns that occurs between 12-16 weeks of age. Essentially baby suddenly feels wired. They are now far more aware of their surroundings, and therefore struggle to fall and remain asleep. To label it a regression is a misnomer – it is actually a progression in brain development that results in what feels like a step backwards in sleep patterns. So, will it solve itself if you just wait it out?

Will the Regression Resolve on its Own?

While the leap in brain development will settle down in time, many parents find they don’t “come out” of this regression or report that baby gets “stuck.” We work with many who wait until 6 months and far beyond, never seeing a light at the end of that frequent waking tunnel. So, what gives? While the brain does settle down, this leap in development leaves behind a permanent change in the structure of baby’s sleep cycles. As a newborn, they spent less time shifting into and out of deep sleep and were less aware of their surroundings. Your older baby will transition more often between sleep cycles that feel more contrasting or even jolting and, once awake, will look around and notice if anything is amiss. Let’s break that concept down a bit further.

Why Baby Gets “Stuck” in the Regression

When we, and your now older baby, transition between sleep cycles, we experience a partial arousal where we wake very briefly before shifting into the next cycle, very much like slowing down to roll over a speed bump while driving. During this partial arousal we are prone to notice if anything is missing from or has changed in our environment. For example, if your pillow fell on the floor, you would likely notice, wake fully, and replace it before returning to sleep. These sleep “speed bumps” are integral to the structure of your older baby’s sleep and we can’t remove them.

Imagine you fell asleep in your bed with your partner and pillow and, 2 hours later, awoke alone on the kitchen floor. You would likely be a bit disoriented and alarmed but, more importantly, would you be willing and able to go back to sleep on the kitchen floor? Or would you march back to your cozy, familiar sleep scenario in your room and bed? The latter would be far more realistic.

Now picture that scenario from your baby’s point of view. Often, they are falling asleep in arms – sometimes with milk – and then being transferred into the crib, fully asleep or very drowsy. Then, about 2 hours later, baby hits a partial arousal, notices those things are missing, and wants – even needs- to recreate that scenario to get back to sleep. Makes sense, right? Here’s what you can do about it.

Navigating the Regression

The key to resolving night waking and short naps is not to prevent the arousals, but, rather, to work toward baby being willing (in terms of their expectations) and equipped (in terms of their independent sleep skills) to move through them and into the next sleep cycle on their own. That is the difference between a baby who is sleeping appropriately overnight and one who is waking too frequently. One can manage the transitions, treating them like speed bumps, whereas another cannot and wakes fully, treating those transitions like stop signs.

The goal of sleep learning is to work toward helping baby learn to fall asleep independent of you and other crutches so they are drifting off in the same sleep space and environment they will wake in later in the night. You want baby to hit that transition, look around and say, “Oh, nothing is missing. Nothing has changed. And I know how to get into the next sleep cycle.”

Back to the Good News/Bad News Scenario we Started With…

The bad news? There is no secret for achieving smooth sleep –the “secret” is in supporting baby through a process of learning how to fall to sleep and back to sleep independently. The good news?...our sleep team is here to help you and baby get there! Together we will look at the timing of sleep as well as the sleep routine and environment to ensure there is a solid foundation laid so baby can be successful. Then we will help you weigh your options to travel from point A to point B. The best news?...YOU will be creating the plan you implement and deciding how hands on your approach will be as well as how gradually you will implement it.

We would love to help you reclaim solid nights of sleep for yourself and your family. Learn more about our support options and get started today or feel free to schedule a discovery call to talk through your concerns about the process.

Five Signs that May Mean Your Baby is Ready for One Nap

Tue, 20 Apr 2021 03:56:53 GMT

Is Your Child Ready for the Transition to a Single Nap? How Should You Approach It?

So you thought your sleep struggles were behind you and now your baby is suddenly fighting naps. Wouldn’t it be great if addressing sleep issues was one and done? Instead, your child’s brain and body are a virtual minefield of transitions and milestones just waiting to interfere with restful sleep. Arm yourself with a little knowledge and you can head these changes off at the pass and enjoy smoother transitions.

First, a caution that around 12 months of age most babies experience a regression that causes them to temporarily fight naps. Be careful not to assume they are ready for this transition in that 12th month. Making the switch before they are ready will more than likely trigger additional struggles in other areas. So how do you know whether baby is truly ready?

5 Signs Your Baby May Be Ready For the Single Nap Transition

* Your baby is between 13 and 18 months (This can vary, but is a good guideline.)

* Your baby takes longer and longer to fall asleep for either or both naps or for bedtime

* Your baby takes a super short morning nap and/or won't nap again most or all afternoons

* Every day is totally different and unpredictable making you (and your baby!) feel a bit crazy

* You recognize a gradual pattern developing, rather than an occasional and sudden occurrence

Remember These 4 Important Points

Keep in mind that a two or more week adjustment period might be necessary , even when things go smoothly. During this adjustment, baby may be cranky and need a slightly earlier bedtime and may wake overnight. be cautious not to introduce new habits or let old ones creep back in.

There will likely be days when baby still needs two naps and others where you can get by with just one. You may feel as if neither schedule fits: two naps is too much sleep too close together while one nap is too little sleep, spread too far apart. Much like being stuck between clothing sizes that are too loose or too tight! The good news is that with age and time to adjust, they will eventually fit into the new schedule.

Avoid making the switch too soon simply because your baby refused a nap once or twice. Don’t mistake normal age and milestone-related nap disturbances as a sign that baby is ready to drop a nap.

The afternoon nap is the one you will keep and shift earlier, so don’t allow baby to develop a habit of taking a long morning nap and then fighting or skipping their second nap. Control the length of the morning nap to ensure your baby can go down again in the afternoon. That may mean waking them from nap one to protect nap two and the timing and ease of bedtime.

When You Are Ready to Make the Transition

Most babies aren't able to jump from two naps to one that falls mid-day. If that is the case for your baby, consider a more gradual transition. This can be done by choosing a mid morning naptime that falls between where their two naps used to fall. For example, you might nap them at 11:00am for a few days, then 11:15am for a few days and so on. Continue shifting the nap later incrementally until your baby has adjusted enough to make it to a midday nap (likely 12 or 12:30, depending on when they wake each morning) without growing overtired and fighting sleep.

Move bedtime earlier to match the early single nap. For example, if nap is falling at 11:30am, bedtime may need to fall at 6:30pm. Then, as you nudge nap later, bedtime should nudge along with it, by the same increment. Try to avoid exceeding a five hour window of awake time from the end of the nap to bedtime, so long as that doesn't place bedtime before 6pm. Be sure to avoid getting "stuck" on that early schedule - it is just a temporary starting point you need to move later incrementally.

Expect the nap to be too short at first. If so, decide whether to wait a week or so and reevaluate or give baby time to try to return to sleep whenever the nap is too short. It takes time for the body to recalibrate and realize the single naps needs to be longer than each of the previous two naps were. You should eventually get a nap that is 2-2.5 hours long although some only need 90 minutes.

Finally, take solace in the fact that this too shall pass. Once this transition is complete, your own schedule will become much more manageable. One daily nap makes planning and fun much easier. Congratulate yourself – you are well on your way!

If you need support to navigate this transition, or any other sleep challenge, our team is here to help. Learn more and schedule your discovery call at the button below.

All About Pacifiers : How to Choose, Use, and Eliminate Them

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 17:10:28 GMT

Should you use one?
Is it a sleep helper or a crutch?

Should you replace it when it falls out?

How can you help baby to stop using them?

Pacifier use can be a very confusing issue for parents, so we’re breaking down some common questions and answers.

Should We Offer Our Baby a Pacifier?

Newborns often have a very high sucking need so a pacifier can help keep them calm and content, without overfeeding. Once breastfeeding is well established, you might choose to introduce a pacifier for that reason. The AAP recommends pacifier use at the onset of sleep, because “studies have reported a protective effect of pacifiers on the incidence of SIDS.”

That being said, your baby will initially struggle to keep the pacifier in their mouth and you will need to assist them by replacing it as needed. You can try Dr. Karp’s pacifier training trick to help baby strengthen the muscles involved with keeping it in. Even so, be prepared that you will need to assist baby with this tool, at least some of the time, and for probably about 6-10 months, until they can find and replace it on their own.

Which Type Should We Use?

It helps to know that babies have strong preferences in terms of the mouth feel of pacifiers. The Soothie and the Nuk, for example, have very different shapes and your baby may love one and hate the other. It’s worth trying them all, if you’re set on having baby use one. Once you determine baby’s preference, be sure to stock up! They are easily lost and need to be replaced often, as the material degrades.

What Should We Do When it Falls Out?

As helpful as a pacifier can be to help baby drift to sleep, they will likely complicate the duration of sleep. We all wake briefly between our sleep cycles and, when baby does, they will likely notice its absence, and you will need to replace it to extend their sleep duration. While the AAP states that you do not need to replace it for safety reasons, your baby may not care about that recommendation! They will expect and prefer to have access to that tool anytime they need to fall and return to sleep. It may feel too hard and unfair, from baby's point of view, to have that assistance in the easier spot - falling asleep, and not have it in the harder spot - returning to sleep.

So, you will need to decide how sustainable that is for your family, based on how helpful or disruptive it is to replace it. For example, replacing it once or twice a night is one thing but replacing it hourly is another. If baby’s ability to sleep is tied to a tool that is tied to you, their sleep is therefore tied to you, until they can operate that tool independently. For that reason, the pacifier is considered a sleep crutch until that age and stage, when it becomes a sleep helper.

How Can We Help Baby Find & Replace It?

Your baby will need to develop the pincer grasp (using the thumb and pointer finger together to pick up a puff, for example) in order to replace the pacifier independently. This ability typically emerges between 6-10 months of age. So, you might choose to assist baby with their pacifier until it does.

In the meantime, try placing it in baby’s hand, rather than their mouth, and directing their hand to their mouth, when assisting. This will help in developing a muscle memory of finding it, grasping it, and popping it in their mouth. Once they are close to doing so on their own, place several pacifiers in the crib and, if needed, glowing pacifiers (yes, they are a thing!) or a nightlight so baby can locate one or more, when needed. It is easier to find one of several, rather than one of one. You can also creep in before your own bedtime to collect any that have fallen on the floor and return them to the crib.

How & When Should We Help Baby Learn to Sleep Without One?

If you are replacing the pacifier so often that it feels unsustainable until that time, you might choose to help baby learn to fall and return to sleep without it. From solely a sleep perspective, the pacifier is fine to keep indefinitely, once your child can find and replace it independently. However, speech and oral motor therapists , pediatricians and dentists often recommend limiting use as early as 6 months of age, as the need to suck decreases and speech sounds emerge and tooth/jaw structure begins to take shape.

Unfortunately, there is no “weaning” from the pacifier – it is either in their mouth or it isn’t. So, if you choose to limit or eliminate pacifier use at any age, there will be a bit of a learning curve involved with that so you will need to choose if and how to support your baby or toddler through the process of learning to fall and/or return to sleep without it. Some families choose to assist with hands on support, while others choose not to intervene or respond and let baby work through that process independently.

Need Support to Tackle Pacifier Issues?

Our consultants can help you weigh the pros and cons of those options and determine whether to tackle bedtime only, bedtime and overnight waking, or bedtime overnight waking and naps all at once. Making sleep changes can feel like and overwhelming puzzle and we are here to help you determine all the pieces, how to help them all fall into place, and answer questions that arise along the way. Reach out to learn more about our support options or feel free to start with a discovery call.

Five Steps to Smoother Daycare Sleep

Mon, 15 Feb 2021 01:24:42 GMT

Headed back to work soon or recently? Here are 5 things to consider and troubleshoot to ensure smoother daycare sleep for baby.

Headed back to work soon or recently? If so, you will likely be leaving your baby with a caregiver, whether in a home setting or a daycare facility. Here are five things to consider and troubleshoot to ensure baby gets the sleep they need in their new scenario.

Tip #1 Determine (and Communicate) Baby’s Ideal Sleep Timing

Your baby has a maximum amount of time they can comfortably be awake before growing overtired. We refer to this as the ideal “window” of awake time. Exceeding that window, as counterintuitive as it may seem, makes it harder to both fall and remain asleep. So, take the time to determine baby’s ideal windows and clock times for sleep, the ones that give you the smoothest result at home. Once you have those pinned down at home, you can communicate them to their caregiver so they can aim for those sweet spots.

If your baby is especially alert, social, curious, easy going and/or has “fear of missing out”, let your caregiver know that baby looking or acting tired likely means they are OVER tired. These babies, who I refer to as “tricky” babies, will continue to be easy going past that early feeling of tiredness and until they literally can’t hang anymore, leading to a second wind effect. They can easily fool their caregivers as to whether they are tired or not and where that sweet spot is that leads to smooth sleep.

Tip #2 Work Away from Sleep Associations in Advance

Most young babies rely on support to fall asleep. You may be in the habit of feeding or rocking baby and, while that may work well at home, caregivers may not be willing or able to offer that support in some or all instances of the day, making it harder for baby to get to sleep at all and especially at the precise times. So, work on trading down baby’s associations at home in advance of entering the caregiving setting to set them up for success. For example, shift from feeding to sleep to rocking to sleep and then to patting baby to sleep in their crib. The less dependent baby is when they enter their care scenario, the greater likelihood sleep will remain smooth.

Tip #3 Start the Day Ahead of the Game

The younger the baby, the shorter the ideal wake window will be. A four month old, for example, likely needs to be back to sleep within 90 minutes of waking, throughout the day. Once you factor in the time they wake in the morning, feeding them, getting yourselves both ready to leave, and the commute to their caregiver, you are likely pushing that window already. You may be handing over a baby who has already passed the sweet spot. Then factor in all the babies arriving, bottles being put away, excitement over transitions and fresh faces, and baby might be awake for several hours before that first nap is even attempted. By then, everyone is starting the day off on the wrong foot and that can trickle down through the rest of the day and into the night. So, be sure to get baby to their caregiver while there is still a bit of time left to settle in. This may mean you are dropping off earlier than you need to for your own schedule. If that isn’t an option, consider aiming for a catnap at home or on the way so baby arrives with time to spare before the next sleep.

Tip #4 Consider the Environment

Not all baby rooms are created equal. Many facilities expect your baby to be able to sleep in a bright, noisy room with other babies playing right beside their crib. You can’t “train” your baby to sleep in an environment that is not conducive to sleep. The human brain needs a darker and quieter space to wind down easily and stay asleep for an ideal length of time. Some babies can work around this need more easily than others and that ability is tied to their temperament, a factor that you and I cannot change. When possible, choose a setting that reflect that in their sleep setup. If your chosen facility doesn’t have a slightly separate sleep area with more ideal conditions, see how they can cleverly accommodate your sensitive baby. For example, can you bring an extra sleep sack so the crib feels the same? Can you bring in a portable white noise machine to mask sounds in the room? Can they move baby’s crib to be the one farthest from the “action” of the room? If they can’t accommodate you and baby continues to struggle, move on to our next tip.

Tip #5 Use the Home Hours to Your Advantage

If baby is struggling to sleep well at daycare beyond an initial adjustment period and you’ve tried all the above, your best bet is to maximize their home hours. While naps are all short or skipped, a very early bedtime will be necessary. This will help baby to be less exhausted at bedtime and make up for a bit of the lost sleep. If baby is not an independent sleeper yet, focus on making changes at bedtime and for naps on the weekends to help them get there. Independent bedtimes and solid nights with a high total of overnight sleep will have baby heading into each day on a better foot. Babies are super adaptable and can often learn to work around a variable that is off, such as a noisy environment. However, they will struggle to circumnavigate multiple variables stacked against such as large wake windows, a noisy environment, a lack of sleep skills AND getting too little sleep day and night. Start solving those issues that you have control over at home and cross your fingers that baby and their caregiver will then be in a better place to begin to manage the rest.

If all else fails, rest assured (no pun intended) that a baby really can get by on solid nights of sleep and catnaps throughout the day. It is obviously not ideal, but it also isn’t tragic. There is a whole world that exists between the two and you and baby can exist there for now. In my experience, poor daycare sleep doesn’t last forever. It often improves when they move up to the room where everyone naps at once and, therefore, it is darker and quieter with nothing to miss out on.

If you need support to plan for or troubleshoot daycare sleep or other sleep challenges, learn about our support here:

Is Baby Soaking Through Their Sleep Diaper? Try These 4 Tips!

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 16:42:19 GMT

Are nighttime leaks disrupting baby's sleep? Try these 4 tips...

When working with families to improve baby's sleep, nighttime leaks and soak throughs are a common issue. If your baby is waking from a soaked diaper and/or clothing, try these tips for smoother sleep.

Tip #1 Make Feeding Time Changing Time

If baby is still waking to feed, and you know they have a tendency to wake again later due to wetness, use the feed as a time to proactively change their diaper. You can change baby before the feed or halfway through, to minimize disruption and the need to help them resettle after the change. If baby wakes because they are wet but it isn't time to eat yet, try topping them off with a feed since you are both awake anyway. This may allow you to skip the regularly scheduled feed and both enjoy a nice stretch of sleep.

Tip #2 Use Overnight Diapers

This seems like a silly tip but many of the first time parents we work with aren't aware that overnight diapers exist! They really do provide extra absorbency so it may be worth the extra cost to purchase two different types of diapers for day and night. All the major brands offer overnight options but Huggies Overnight Diapers seem to be most loved by parents. Most overnight diapers start at size 3 and 16 pounds. If your baby wears a smaller size, check out tip #4.

Tip #3 Go Up a Size for Overnight Diapers

Adding to the list of "things no one tells you", try using the next size up for overnight sleep! This too often boosts absorbency and helps baby get through the night.

Tip #4 Try Diaper Booster Pads

If all else fails, try using diaper booster pads like these made by Sposie . Think maxipad but for baby's diaper, to boost absorbency, prevent leaks and keep skin rash free. These run from newborn size through size 6 and, for pull-ups, 2T-5T so they have everyone covered.

Whatever your family's sleep questions are, we have answers and the support you need to get to your sleep happy place. Reach out to learn more about how we can help.

**As an Amazon affiliate, I earn on qualifying purchases.**

4 Reasons Why Your Child Won't Poop on the Potty

Mon, 16 Nov 2020 17:24:47 GMT

Oh Crap Certified Potty Training Consultant, Bernadette Samuels, shares the most common reasons for poop withholding and accidents...

Do you have a kiddo who is pee trained but absolutely refuses to poop on the potty? Do they ask for a diaper or pull-up to poop in? Use what they are wearing and try to hide it? If so, you are not alone! Poop struggles are the #1 reason families reach out to us for potty training support. Solving those struggles requires understanding why you are encountering them in the first place. Here are four common causes of poop anxiety and resistance and their solutions:

Reason #1: Loss of Their “Security Blanket”

Diapers and pull-ups may be gross and expensive from your point of view but, from your child’s, they are a security blanket of sorts that they have held close to their body for years. Giving that up, in favor of a less cozy and convenient option, may not be a choice they make willingly. Not to mention that the emotional muscle involved in pooping, the sphincter, may not cooperate in an unfamiliar scenario.

Imagine if you came to my home for wine and chocolate. We are hanging out on the couch and you need to poop. You ask to use the bathroom and I reply, “It’s okay…just stand on the couch and poop there. That’s what we do here." Would you be able to?! More than likely, that shy muscle would clamp right up out of lack of privacy and unfamiliarity. (Not to mention you would never come over again, lol) That may be how your child feels about having to sit and let poop out without their "security blanket".

The Solution: This obstacle can be solved with time, practice and patient coaching, in the absence of other options. That’s right – so long as your toddler knows that they can choose to use the diaper or pull-up, it is unlikely that they will choose the potty or toilet. The solution is to pick a day when the potty/toilet is the only option and coach them through the normal anxiety that results. Much like a labor coach, exude calm and confidence and remind them that their body knows what to do. Determine if they prefer hands on support or privacy and offer that along the way. Once pooping in the potty becomes familiar, that anxiety will melt away.

Reason #2: Too Much Hassle

From your child’s perspective, their old gig was a pretty good one…they could “drop it” wherever they were in the home, without paying attention to their body, stopping what they were doing, or going to another location. Now, you’re asking them to do all that and more. They are smart enough to want the easier way out.

The Solution: This obstacle can be solved by making using the potty as hassle free as possible, at least for now. For example, you can offer a potty that is easier and faster to access than the toilet, use hand sanitizer rather than doing a full hand washing when that is appropriate, and save the wiping lessons for down the road. Making this new option seem almost as convenient as the old will help get your kiddo on board.

Reason #3: Wearing Too Many Layers

The bottom line on this one is that the more layers your child is wearing, the less in tune they are with their body. So, if you jumped straight from diapers/pull-ups to pants and underwear, your child may not have learned to notice and act on the sensations that come before the poop comes, and/or may not realize they aren’t wearing a diaper which leads to accidents. Underwear also offer the illusion of privacy so your child may be tempted to use their clothes intentionally, hoping they can hide it.

The Solution: This obstacle can be solved by taking a step back in the layers your child is wearing while they learn to poop on the potty. Help them be successful without layers from the waist down and then add the necessary layers in slowly, one at a time, to make sure they maintain that success.

Reason #4 Power Struggles

Usually families are encountering at least one of the above mixed in with a heaping helping of power struggles . Especially when children are 3 and older, resistance to anything you want them to do is developmentally appropriate. They may not care about pleasing you and seeing a smile on your face but relish in pushing ALL your buttons. Children have little control over their lives, aside from what they put in their mouths and what they let out of their bodies. Holding poop is often a sign that too much pressure has been piled on them with respect to the potty process. I'm not suggesting your child isn't ready or that you go back to diapers but I would suggest tweaking how you manage the learning process.

The Solution: This common obstacle can be solved by chilling out on how - and how often - you prompt your child to go. Overprompting is THE most common source of power struggles. This looks like having your child sit on the potty every X minutes or hours or constantly asking if they need to go. Not only does this add to the hassle of it all, from your child’s point of view, but their reply is almost always going to be a resounding, "No!” and then you are at an impasse.

Try backing off from timed potty trips in favor or learning their “tells”. Do they freeze or hold themselves when they need to go? Dance around on tiptoes? Make a funny face? Note their signs and suggest they check in with their body. As in, “It looks like your tummy is really uncomfortable. I bet it would feel better if you let your poop out.” Not an order, just a suggestion. Or try the when/then trick. This looks like waiting for your child to ask for something (screen time, a snack, going outside) and responding with, “Sure. When you put your poop in the potty, then we can turn on the T.V.” The idea is to make it THEIR choice to sit and to let it out, not yours. Poof…the power struggle evaporates!

So, how do you put all these tips together to ditch the diapers and the drama for good? And what if these aren’t enough to get your child on board? Never fear! Our team of Oh Crap certified potty training consultants can help you find the right tips and tricks for your kiddo and stay in touch while you implement them. Learn more about the support we offer and feel free to schedule a complimentary call to see if support is right for you.

Why Can Feeding Our Kids Often Feel So Stressful?

Thu, 12 Nov 2020 19:06:29 GMT

Feeding specialist Kristin Quinn shares the top four reasons...

If you really break this down to the simplest explanation, eating = survival, and keeping our children alive is one of the basic goals of parenting. If getting them to eat is a challenge, it can bring about a lot of emotions for parents. Not the least of which is the fear of doing something wrong .

Also, constantly thinking about what to put on the table, buying the food, preparing the food, and disposing of uneaten food can feel like a never-ending practice in futility.

Almost all children will go through a phase of challenging eating – picky eating, if you will. I try to avoid using the term picky eating because it doesn’t quite give the full picture. Many kids will use mealtimes as a way to exert their control over what happens to them, and their efforts can be very effective. In short, they wear us down. But often this behavior has very little to do with the taste of the food, and that is where parents tend to get hung up.

Knowing some of the things that make eating a challenge can be helpful. Here are four factors that can contribute to mealtimes struggles:

1. Age C hildren go through so many stages, and each stage has its own challenges. Eating challenges due to age are what is commonly referred to as picky eating. New eaters are still learning the ropes and getting used to various tastes, textures, temperatures, smells etc. This ‘new eater’ stage can really last for quite some time. Patience and persistence is the key. Toddlers are learning that they can influence what happens to them by exerting their opinions. Be calm, cool, and collected instead of reacting to every grimace and whine. Preschoolers are old enough to make an argument, and often will proclaim that they don’t like a new food before even giving it a try. During this phase, repeated exposure and very reasonable expectations will be your life line. Keep new foods to just a taste, and don’t give in to protests.

2. Skill E ating requires sitting in a stabilized position, being able to use fingers and utensils to bring food to the mouth, chewing and swallowing. These are all skills that will develop over time. Some kids will develop these skills earlier than others, and some will have challenges that may require intervention. The best thing that you can do is observe your child, and keep notes if you are concerned that one of these skills is making eating difficult for your child. If you aren’t sure, it never hurts to check in with your pediatrician or another specialist (more on this in a future post).

3. Environment For many children, where they are eating can effect how they are eating. If there are a lot of distractions at mealtimes – screens, activities around them, phones, noise, etc, it may be difficult for a child to focus on the task at hand, which is eating. Try to make mealtime as distraction free as possible. Also, many children can not settle enough to eat at a party or restaurant, if this is difficult for you child, consider feeding them before you head out.

4. Hunger Children are not often motivated to eat out of enjoyment of eating or sitting around the table to socialize the way that adults do. Eating is a chore that stands in the way of them doing other things. For this reason, hunger is an extremely helpful motivator. If a child is not hungry, they will be less likely to be interested in coming to the table to eat, or staying there. If you let your child graze on snacks throughout the day, and drink fluids whenever they want, they will not feel hungry when you want them to sit down for a meal. If snacking and free access to drinks are a part of your child’s day that you are not ready to change, lowering expectations of what they will eat at mealtimes is very helpful!

There are many ways to decrease the stress that you may feel when feeding your child. If you need support with this, Toddlers and Tomatoes can help!

Ten Essential Tips Every New Parent Should Know

Tue, 10 Nov 2020 22:58:31 GMT

Experienced newborn nurse, Nicole Didizian, of Main Line Family Education shares her need to know tips...

If you're expecting a baby, your head might be spinning. Parents-to-be have access to more information now than ever before. Here are ten essential tips to help you prepare for parenthood, based on my experience working with growing families:

1. Newborns are soothed by anything that makes them think they’re still inside the womb.

Being swaddled or held close to your body, hearing your voice or your heartbeat, and being rocked gently are all comforting to little ones because they simulate your baby’s life before birth. When a newborn is held away from your body or unwrapped and placed in a large bassinet or crib, they may feel unsafe and/or insecure. Newborn wraps and/or carriers are favorites of many new parents because they’ll allow you to keep your baby safely and comfortably “attached” to your body (their favorite thing!) while allowing your hands to be free.

2. Newborns sleep 16-18 hours out of every 24, but in short 1-2 hour spurts.

Some newborn sleep cycles can be as short as 15 minutes. Some children have a harder time with sleep while others seem to be able to rest without any difficulty. But one thing is universal with newborns and sleep: parents don’t get a lot of it in the very beginning because newborns don’t cluster their rest time! If you’re worried about sleep before your baby is born or you’re already a new parent and you’re exhausted, there is expert advice and support nearby. Some days and nights will be harder than others, but as every parent of an older child will tell you: it won’t last and you will sleep again. I promise!

3. Feed your baby on demand, but be sure it’s at least 8 times in every 24 hours.

This is true regardless of whether your baby is getting breastmilk, formula, or some of both. Sometimes your baby will need to eat even more often (research growth spurts!) and that’s okay. If you’re concerned your baby isn’t getting enough, track their wet diapers and call your pediatrician. Almost all babies lose weight immediately after birth, but gain it back by the time they are 2 weeks old.

4. NOW is the best time to start Tummy Time with your baby!

This designated daily time when parents are down on the floor “playing” with their newborns has been shown to help develop connection, posture, movement, oral and gross motor skills in newborns. Does your newborn “hate” tummy time, or do you find yourself hesitant to do it as often as you should? There are ways to help your baby learn to love it! Find a class taught by a certified pediatric physicial therapist and/or tummy time expert. It’s a great opportunity to socialize with other new parents AND learn how to make this important developmental building block enjoyable for the whole family.

5. Newborns should have at least 6 wet diapers every 24 hours by Day 4 of life.

Many diapers will be dirty as well as wet, and it can be hard in the beginning to know for sure if your baby has urinated. The key is the weight of your baby’s diaper. Hold a dry diaper and notice how light it is. Then pour some water into it and notice how it gets significantly heavier as soon as it absorbs the moisture. Wet diapers are almost always noticeably heavier than diapers with only stool in them. When in doubt, look for the indicator line to change color on the outside of the diaper - but be sure to look in the front for boys, and the back for girls!

6. A “witching hour” (or hours!) in the evenings when your baby is harder to soothe is common.

It can even start as early as a day or two after your baby is born. Many parents find themselves dreading the sunset, in anxious anticipation of the crying that is about to commence. Share the job of soothing with your partner (someone has to remain hands-free to heat up dinner!) and take a break if and when you need one. Call your pediatrician if you are concerned.

7. Books cannot prepare you, they can only guide you.

There are many wonderful books that have been written for both expectant and new parents, and I recommend them A LOT. But, if you think reading alone will adequately prepare you for new parenthood, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Books are great starting points, but shouldn’t take the place of a class, connecting with an expert, or asking friends who have recently become parents for tips. Just don’t be phased by any “war stories” you hear…people tell them because they’re a lot more dramatic and exciting than the ones where things go smoothly! If there’s one thing I’ve noticed again and again, it’s that the fear of the unknown is almost always more overwhelming than the actual experience ends up being. Know what to expect by planning ahead!

8. Don’t ask Facebook or Dr. Google for medical advice - that’s what your pediatrician is for.

The lure of a quick reply via social media or the internet will get the better of new parents quite often. Who else is awake with you in the middle of the night to answer your most pressing questions?! Just remember that Dr. Google does not have a medical degree and although the moms on your Facebook Groups are well meaning, their advice may not be the right advice for your family. Your relationship with your baby’s pediatrician is one of the most important doctor/patient relationships you will ever have. Do your research, ask questions and pick a practice that feels like a “fit” for your family well in advance of your due date.

9. Babies will cry when they need something. Never ignore a crying newborn.

Crying is the way that newborns communicate. A crying newborn may be trying to tell you they are hungry, wet/dirty, cold, hot, gassy, sleepy, overstimulated, sick or even bored! In the beginning all cries sound the same so it can be challenging for new parents to recognize the specific need right away. What’s most important is to note that your baby’s developing brain is shaped by how you treat him or her. Your loving attention to cries teaches your newborn early on to trust you and to trust others – an important foundation for their future emotional health.

10. Self-care is not a luxury for new parents, it’s a necessity. Identify what YOU need, communicate with your partner, schedule it into each day.

Reading a chapter in a good book alone, away from your baby, taking a hot shower alone, while your partner watches your baby, going for a walk around the block alone, while your partner cares for your baby….notice a trend?? New parents need to step away from their newborns to truly unplug and identify what it is that replenishes their energy, even if it’s only for 10 minutes a day. Caring for yourself will make you a better caregiver for your little one.

Does Changing Sleep Habits Mean My Baby Has to Cry?

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 02:56:29 GMT

The Award for Most Commonly Asked Question Goes to...

If I could boil down parents concerns about addressing sleep struggles into just one it would be, "Will my baby have to cry?" I am asked this question quite often and want to answer it here for any parent who is suffering through chronic sleep deprivation out of fear of tears.

First, let’s touch on the phrase sleep “training”. I am not a fan of the term as it evokes so much negativity and is equated with leaving a baby to cry alone until they crash from exhaustion. What we are talking about here is embarking on a process of sleep learning. A process where you, as the parent, learn new ways to help baby fall asleep and baby learns to fall asleep more independently. That does not require putting baby down to cry alone. Will it, however, involve crying?

Here’s the deal. Change is hard. And most of us don’t welcome it. Our initial reaction is to balk at change and try to cling to what is familiar. So, even if you are making very tiny changes over a long period of time, your baby has just one way to tell you, “Hey! I noticed that you’ve changed something. This is new and hard and I want to go back to doing what we were doing before!” And that one way, for a non-verbal child is crying.

Let’s say, for example, that you’ve been nursing baby to sleep and that is no longer working to get them to sleep. Or maybe it is working to get baby to sleep but they are now popping awake as soon as you try to put them down and every 45 minutes overnight wanting to nurse again. Even if you take the most hands on gradual approach to change and choose to rock baby to sleep or back to sleep, from their perspective, that is still a big change. And they will likely let you know. Yes, you are still helping baby to sleep but not in the way they are used to or the way they prefer. As a result, there may be some crying as baby communicates this to you.

Once we interpret crying as communication the question then becomes, not how to prevent it, but how you feel most comfortable responding to the crying and supporting baby through the tears and the adjustment. For many of us crying in arms or with a parent present for support is entirely different than leaving baby to cry alone. And many babies can adjust to change just as well, if not better, using an approach that allows you to be present and gradually offer less and less support.

Sleep is a learned skill, much like walking or riding a bike, and learning something new can be stressful! Experiencing that stress in a supportive, loving environment though leads to learning. Much like learning to ride a bike we can help baby along for much of the ride, letting go once they have the skill to coast on their own.

So, if you’ve been hesitant to address your baby’s sleep struggles for fear they would need to cry it out alone, take solace in the fact that there are other options . Yes, change is hard on all of us but the way change is presented and the support baby receives to cope with the adjustment can make a world of difference.

Learn why your baby is waking so often and how we can help you improve sleep using a gentler, more gradual approach by contacting us today!

This is part of our sleep learning series. You may also want to read: